To everything there is a season.
It is my season.
I've decided to do this a year. In 11 months I will walk into Murphy's on St. Patty's Day, and look and be fabulous. And after a year of not drinking, that green beer is going to be orgasmic. I will do this for a year.
This year is the season when I learn how to live the rest of my life.
I'm taking care of me. Eating good, exercizing regularly, fixing my finances. I'm spending time with my kids. I'm becoming a better daughter and sister. And wife. And employee. And nurse. I'm taking better care of my pets. The cloudy haze that my life was, after a month, is finally fading. I feel clearer. Not that I don't have downs still, despite the medicine, they are functioning downs now.
I'm realizing that I'm not quite the addict I thought I was. I was self medicating with alcohol. After I got the right medication - I don't really miss it. There are times, out of habit, that I want one of course. But the reason I was drinking is gone. I turned it into an addiction. But now, its so different. I'm medication with the right drugs.
I got my 30 day chip at a meeting on Easter. It is red. I carry them around with me. Some sort of material grounding I think. Something I can physically hold on to. I still have problems with the inner philosophy of AA, but it is helping me on some level, so I still go. I will continue for this year.
When I think about it, it seems impossible and horrible to go a year without a drink. How am I going to do this? But I am determined to. We are already planning that night. And planning it responsibly for once. Money, taxis, time. The outfit will be awesome. I look so good in green too.
I want my year chip. I will reach my goal when I get that.
Going to buy another snake. Soon I think. Don't know which kind yet. Lucy is so cool. We all love her. I want another one.
We recently had kittens at our house. 4 of them. Calico, black and white, orange and pure black. I'm keeping the all black one. Her name is Shelby and she is 9 days old. She kinda represents for me my new self.
Besides, every witch needs a black cat.
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3 Comments:
Aww I have ALWAYS wanted an orange kitty!
Never think of not drinking for a year. Just think of not drinking right now at this moment. Never look ahead like that because it'll seem impossible. Just think of now. stay in the moment. Im rooting for you. And if you do drink: Well, tomorrow is another day. Dont sweat it. I am so glad you're doing awesome. Me and NJ havent gotten high in almost 2 weeks!
I'm still getting high, but have quit smoking! Prob going to be getting my own place this summer. Miss you and am so proud of you. When I have my own place, you will have to come over for a weekend! :o)H
it's one day, one step at a time. one day you didn't drink, one day you didn't smoke, one day you exercised. it's the only way. and it's one pound and one layer at a time. I really think that's the key. it sticks when you do it that way. alumni sounds like I expected. less people actually. there were more at our 10 yr. and those that don't have anything else to do are happy to be caught up in silly things and tug of war. we should have a tempe reunion. now THAT would be interesting. :) - nic
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