Namaste

I've often heard the word Namaste. I knew it was a greeting in yoga. So I wanted to know exactly what it meant. Here is what I found out:

I honor the place in you
in which the entire Universe dwells,
I honor the place in you
which is of Love, of Truth, of Light and of Peace,
When you are in that place in you,and I am in that place in me,we are One.

And from Deepak Chopra-

Namaste is an Indian expression used as a greeting or upon parting, by putting the palms of the hands together in prayer position. It means, “I honor the Spirit in you which is also in me.”
This, of course, is also a way of saying, “I recognize that we are all equal.”

I am going to end all of my posts this way.

I went for a bike ride yesterday. It was cold, and I wasn't sure I wanted to go. But decided to put on my jacket and go anyhow. This time it was during the day. Well lit. I rode on the sidewalk when there was busy traffic, and then the other streets I rode on actually had bike paths. It was so nice. And I rode through such beautiful neighborhoods. Yes, they do exist close to my house. I guess that's like life, you choose your surroundings. The ugly is just as close and accessible as the beautiful. And yesterday I chose the beautiful. It was so peaceful. I actually heard birds singing. I rode to the yoga studio, but no one was there. Then I meandered down a neighborhood in the Arcadia area. On the way home there is actually a thoroughfare - a park like area with a paved way for runners, cyclists, dog walkers, etc. It actually used to be the canal, and the city covered it and made it a nice little path, about maybe 50 to 60 meters wide, with a wide black top path, with trees and lamposts and everything. It really is nice. No traffic. Good conditions. I rode for just under an hour, went about 5 - 6 miles. It felt so good. I'm going to go again today.

Royce goes to a blog alot, "Rif's blog" (http://rifsblog.blogspot.com/), it is mostly about working out and kettlebells. However, his wife has a blog too. Tracy - she actually left me a comment a few days ago. She has an amazing story and has done amazing things (go here http://giryastrength.com/pdf/Vitalics.pdf to read the article about her - Tracy I hope its ok that I put this on my blog). It basically started out as a bet at work, to lose weight for money. She started out at 245 pounds, and you should see her now. She did it the right way, over a lot of time, and she looks amazing. I am totally inspired. She is the one who left a comment about yoga a few days ago. I found the article fascinating. So I went to her blog. I have been thinking alot about things she says. Here is her blog http://tracyrif.blogspot.com/ (once again I hope this is ok Tracy).

My bike ride made me feel so good yesterday. And I am going to join the yoga class. It is very affordable, very close, and there is no excuse not to. I think the benefits of yoga are so life changing. Even the little bit I did, the few times (very poorly I might add) made me feel so different. Imagine what it will do for me if I incorporate it into my daily life. I am preparing for amazing things for me. I am changing the water.

I think honesty is very important. After you are honest, especially with yourself, you can proceed from there. Tracy was very upfront to the whole world about her exact weight. Do you know how brave that is? 245 pounds. On the world wide web. She also keeps a food diary on her blog. A food diary keeps me accountable and aware - you don't always know how much you are eating until you see it written down. Then its kind of like a glass of ice water thrown at you. You have to face it. It also teaches me about my relationship with food. Why I eat what I eat and when I eat. I'll be honest. I don't eat because I have been abused or have an eating disorder, I know some people do. I eat because I am undisciplined. I don't exercise because I am undisciplined. Everything in this county is so goddammed easy. Fast food, drive-throughs, microwave meals, cars, buses. It is so easy to not care. To go above and beyond the easy. Our culture and country sets us up for this. It happens when you are over-priveledged. I still think of that picture with the dying starving child and the vulture.

This Pulitzer Prize winning photo was taken in 1994 during the Sudan famine. The picture depicts a famine stricken child crawling towards an United Nations food camp, located a kilometer away. The vulture is waiting for the child to die so that it can eat it. This picture shocked the whole world. No one knows what happened to the child, including the photographer Kevin Carter who left the place as soon as the photograph was taken.Three months later he committed suicide due to depression.

I MUST keep this picture in my soul. It still makes me cry, even now. It had such an impact on me when I first saw it. It just put everything in life in so much perspective. What is important, what is not, and not to waste time or energy on the "not". It dissapates all anger, for anger is one of the "not importants". We are in such a fishbowl in this country. It threw me out of the fishbowl. I thought of my own kids. I thought of the child's mother. Crawling for life-saving food. And I DRIVE up to Jack-In-The-Box and buy one meal for 8 bucks and DRIVE home again, devouring it on the way home. It made me never want to waste food. To waste anything. It made me think about the world. Not my car, my high speed internet, my phone, my free education system, my home - my lap of luxury. It started something inside me.

I've wandered from subject to subject today. But in my mind it all ties in together. I must be the best me I can be. Or everything is just a waste. And life is a terrible thing to waste. Everything I do, and I do alot - 5 kids, working full time, laundry, dishes, yardwork, more laundry, being a good wife and friend to Royce, trying to stay sane - all of this is pointless if I am not the best me I can be. It reminds me of the Love chapter, 1st Corinthians 13. I had to memorize that a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

If I speak with the tongues of men and angels, and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and have all faith, and give all my goods to the poor, and do not have love - I am NOTHING.

Its amazing to me how many of the basic beliefs, concepts, almost word for word, are found in so many places, so many religions. This is what is truth to me. The Wiccan Rede (http://www.magicwicca.com/wicca/rede.html), the Buddhist belief of peace and taking away suffering, Jesus' words of love and the Sermon on the Mount. They all are basically saying the same things. Its amazing that such opposing belief systems basically believe the same thing.

I will always relate to darkness, it will always be part of me and comfortable. But I am going to feed my good wolf.

So I am going to be honest and accountable. On Christmas Day I weighed 188 pounds. Yes, 188. I have never weighed this much. Royce says I am still beautiful, but you know. I think after my dad died I just kept eating. Medicating with food. After the Master Cleanse-5 or 6 days with no food - down 14 pounds to 174. I knew alot of this was water. I have been avoiding the scale. But also starting to eat better, and exercize. And I am glad to say, I got on the scale this morning and I was 179. 9 pounds down, and really 9 pounds, not just water.

Yesterday I took some effedra, so wasn't really hungry. So this is where I am:

Today - 179#. Down 9 pounds.
Yesterday I ate:
-Brown rice with a yummy tomato sauce I actually made myself- about 250 calories.
-Turkey sandwich with mayo - 380 calories.
Total = 630 calories.
Exercise = an hour bike ride.

Now, I know this isn't alot of food. I don't plan on starving myself like that everyday, I just wasn't hungry yesterday. I'm sure that will change. I'm just going to eat better and move more. And keep track of it all.

I am going to try and start the yoga class next week, and then once a week from then on.

Two weekends ago The PF Changs marathon was here. It happens every January. On a Sunday. Every year I get so irritated. We live in the center of the blocked off area. It is so hard to drive anywhere, and then actually get back home. Last year it took me 2 hours to get home from work, and I am 5 minutes away. I get so pissed, and irritated. A co-worker actually ran the marathon. Danielle has 5 kids and does the same job I do, and is about 38. She looks 25 and is about 120 pounds. She knew I was starting to run last year. She came to work, and showed me, especially me, her medal. It was so beautiful. I put it on for a few seconds. Running is her high. It is her drugs, her alcohol, her escape.

Next year, I want to be one of the runners, not one of the irritated.

Namaste.