Steven and Tommy and Vince......Oh My !!!!!
Aerosmith and Motley Crue are coming to Phoenix on November 13 !!!! I just had to express a little of my excitement. I am so excited. Both in the same night, on the same stage ........ its almost too much. My girlie parts are all aquiver. Not a dry seat in the house. I can't believe Steven and Tommy Lee all at once. And the Crue has all its original members. I am in complete heaven. I am so excited!!!!
(I'll really need a cigarette after that concert - and I don't even smoke)
Heather and Jeff are going to go with us. In fact she is the one who told me about the concert. Royce is going with me this time. He should greatly benefit after that, huh? Anyone interested in going with us, just let me know. Lawn seats are like $80 - $125.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.......................................
Monday, July 31, 2006
Living Wills............
(Royce forwarded this one to me)
While I was watching the NFL playoff games one weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills.
During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.
She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.
Gotta love it.
(Royce forwarded this one to me)
While I was watching the NFL playoff games one weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills.
During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.
She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.
Gotta love it.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
I went to Camp Yavapines yesterday. Can you even believe it? I swear, its been like 15 years since I have been up there. I think it was the summer of 1990. That was the last time. (Me and Mike Reagan, and that bottle of Champayne, and - yeah, I remember some of it at least, lol! I know Nikki remembers.) I remember I listened to Appetite for Destruction and Dr. Feelgood the whole way up there. And wore my little black mini-skirt in my 110 pound 18 year old body. Yeah, good times. I saw the old Youth chapel, where god knows how many times I've been in there, Music Camp, Bible Camp, just hanging out playing the piano with friends - or by myself. Some of those memories are so vivid. And they are such good ones. The last time I was up there I remember hanging out with Karl and Kevin. And Mike Reagan of course. And the girl's cabins. It just cracks me up. Its different now. Lots more cabins, but its basically the same. The big pavillion, where all the meetings are. I remember I played "Let There Be Peace On Earth" there when I was in 6th grade, in front of everyone at a meeting. I was so nervous. But I did really well, my teacher Mrs. Francis had showed me how to make hymns sound really fancy - Dino Style (remember him?) - with all kinds of chords and arpeggios and stuff. Actually not very technical, but sounds like it. So I all fancied it up and everyone was so impressed, and my parents were so proud. One of the few times in my life my mother has ever been proud of me. I think it was after that song that people started asking me to accompany them. People I never even knew. And that went on for years. I remember so much about Camp Yavapines. I remember being there with Jerry, staying in the girls cabins ( I remember you - yes you Nikki - getting upset at the rest of us girls because we were playing the radio on Sabbath, OMG I'm cracking myself up remembering that. If we could have pushed fast forward on that very day and gone to today I think we both would have had an aneurism. I swear to god I am laughing right now. I remember hanging out with Denis and Jerry, and playing for Karl and Nikki and Cindy Mack in that little chapel when we had down time. Just hanging. I remember when Cathy's cabin got broken into. I remember Peggy and Cathy hiding in the forest at night and trying to scare us. I remember playing and singing Joy in the Morning. Wasn't that just the greatest song? I loved that song. I remember Mr. Leukert and Mr. Kravig and all the long practices. Would we go back if we could? Life is such a different place now.
It is still so beautiful there. We went to go find Loida, she was at Spanish Campmeeting, emailed me the day before to let me know she was coming up. I thought since I live so close now that I should try to go and find her there. It was weird, this time my KIDS were running around the place. We went down to the stable looking for the horses (there weren't any). It was just weird.
Loida's mom looked like she could barely tolerate the fact that I had come to visit her. But it would be unchristian to ask me to leave Campmeeting now wouldn't it? You have to at least fake it on a Friday night on the holy campground. Have to grit your teeth and muster up a half smile. I think I've paid enough tithe and washed enough feet and paid enough tuition to be allowed to come on the property at Campmeeting time. Its so funny how a mother can be so hurtful and mean to her daughter, say such horrible things to her and about her, about her children, be so unsupportive of her, and hate her friend so much that she is visibly disgusted that her friend came to a christian gathering - and call herself a christian and act like church and the religion are so important to her. How can the two coexist? For a "christian" to have so much hate in them that they are so angry that someone they hate came to a christian meeting. Is that not ludacris? Do you think Jesus would have been angry that I showed up at the sermon on the mount? I have been nothing but a friend to Loida. I care very much for her and her kids, consider her one of my very best friends, and would do anything for her. Yet I am the evil one.
I hate christians. More and more everyday. I realized today that I will never set foot in a church again, except for maybe the occasional funeral or wedding. If I need to meet with god - whoever or whatever he is - it will be in the trees, in the mountains, at the lake, at the ocean. Or on the street corner with a homeless person, or at the bedside of a sick patient.
I keep coming back to that poem. The Paradoxical Commandments. I am going to make it my philosophy to live by. I am going to take each sentence, and meditate on it. I want to live the words of it. I want them to be in my soul. I want them to become second nature. I want them to become me. I'm obviously not there yet, but this is my goal.
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God;
It was never between you and them, anyway.
It is still so beautiful there. We went to go find Loida, she was at Spanish Campmeeting, emailed me the day before to let me know she was coming up. I thought since I live so close now that I should try to go and find her there. It was weird, this time my KIDS were running around the place. We went down to the stable looking for the horses (there weren't any). It was just weird.
Loida's mom looked like she could barely tolerate the fact that I had come to visit her. But it would be unchristian to ask me to leave Campmeeting now wouldn't it? You have to at least fake it on a Friday night on the holy campground. Have to grit your teeth and muster up a half smile. I think I've paid enough tithe and washed enough feet and paid enough tuition to be allowed to come on the property at Campmeeting time. Its so funny how a mother can be so hurtful and mean to her daughter, say such horrible things to her and about her, about her children, be so unsupportive of her, and hate her friend so much that she is visibly disgusted that her friend came to a christian gathering - and call herself a christian and act like church and the religion are so important to her. How can the two coexist? For a "christian" to have so much hate in them that they are so angry that someone they hate came to a christian meeting. Is that not ludacris? Do you think Jesus would have been angry that I showed up at the sermon on the mount? I have been nothing but a friend to Loida. I care very much for her and her kids, consider her one of my very best friends, and would do anything for her. Yet I am the evil one.
I hate christians. More and more everyday. I realized today that I will never set foot in a church again, except for maybe the occasional funeral or wedding. If I need to meet with god - whoever or whatever he is - it will be in the trees, in the mountains, at the lake, at the ocean. Or on the street corner with a homeless person, or at the bedside of a sick patient.
I keep coming back to that poem. The Paradoxical Commandments. I am going to make it my philosophy to live by. I am going to take each sentence, and meditate on it. I want to live the words of it. I want them to be in my soul. I want them to become second nature. I want them to become me. I'm obviously not there yet, but this is my goal.
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God;
It was never between you and them, anyway.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
The Curtain Rods ...
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU??
(Thank you Joyce, once again, for making me smile. Thanks for the forward.)
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU??
(Thank you Joyce, once again, for making me smile. Thanks for the forward.)
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Just wanted to let you all know that we got moved in. We have been here for a week, things are wonderful here. I have done 3 shifts at my new job, still adjusting to that, but it seems like a very nice place to work, and everyone there has been really nice. The apartment is beautiful. The views and landscapes here are amazing. It is so pretty. The highest it gets is in the 90s, and its so nice at night. The hill that we live on overlooks all of Prescott Valley (not Prescott, but Prescott Valley, just east of Prescott). Adjustment is hard, but it is a lot easier in a place this nice. So things are good everyone, very very good. There is just a sense of peace here, in all the surroundings, in the people, in the apartment complex, and in our hearts. It is so quiet here too. You go outside and hear nothing.
I feel a sense of satisfaction that I could and DID do this for my children. Can and will are two very different things when it comes to me. It is a much better place for them to grow up. They are in a safe, clean, wonderful place. I feel good that I actually made the decision to do this, and even more so that I actually followed through with it. Its so easy to get stuck in the comfort zone that you are in, and to find reasons that you can't leave. I was in that for so long. I don't do change well. It is hard for me. I wake up in the morning and ask myself sometimes, what have I done? Nothing here is familiar, what was I thinking? And there is a strong sense of lonliness and fear. But I know in my heart that it is the right thing. My children are better here. I feel that I am giving them so much. It feels good. So good to give them this.
In one of those panicky moments, I think it was the day I went to work and my new job, I woke up and felt totally out of place and lonely and scared and totally out of my comfort zone. I kinda just wanted to go home. And realized I WAS home. I felt very bad. I had this overwhelming feeling that I had lost part of my soul, and couldn't figure out what it was. I felt like I had lost important things, in the busy-ness of moving and being busy, - my meditation, my sense of spirituality, my interest in energies, - it seemed my PASSION was gone. I couldn't put my finger on it. Something was gone, but it really wasn't these things. Something that had been part of me for so long didn't come with me when I moved. These things were still important to me, so what was it that I had lost? What was gone?
And I realized it was my anger. I didn't feel angry. I have been angry about so many things for so long that it had just become a normal part of everyday me. And it was gone. The overwhelming peace up here did not let me keep it. Its my anger and animosity that is gone. And after I realized that I felt so free, so relieved. I hadn't lost me. I had just lost the negativity. Its sad and scary that anger felt so normal to me that I felt lost without it. Very very sad. All those things are still important to me, but they do not have to feed off of anger like they were. They will be sustained by peace from now on.
What you focus on becomes your reality. In all the positive energy and decisions that I've made lately, the huge step to make my life and reality different than it was because it was no longer acceptable , the huge step to change my life - brought about more than I expected or was looking for. The positive energy to change other things, things that are tangible, actually changed my inside in the process. My anger is gone. A nice side effect.
I miss my mom - believe it or not. I miss my dad. I miss my house. I miss the Chinese place. I miss looking out my front window. I miss my other job. I miss Mill Avenue. I miss Loida. I miss my 7-11. I miss the buildings around my house.
The list of things I don't miss is too long to write.
We are going down to Phoenix today (that sounds so weird). Tyler is staying at Christian's house and going to visit Lee (both great kids, I'm glad he is still seeing them). Sydney and Lyndsey and Ryan are going to stay the night at my mom's and visit her, and Royce and Shi Shi are staying at his mom's to visit her, and I am going to work at County tonight - hopefully if they need me. I need to work alot if I am going to keep up this new life. Its all on Royce and me now. No more help with anything. We are finally adults, took long enough. I have to do this for my kids though. And I couldn't and wouldn't have done it without Royce. Him being here has really made it a possibility. We all owe him alot.
Think we might visit the dog park and do that Senator Highway drive before we drive down there.
I feel a sense of satisfaction that I could and DID do this for my children. Can and will are two very different things when it comes to me. It is a much better place for them to grow up. They are in a safe, clean, wonderful place. I feel good that I actually made the decision to do this, and even more so that I actually followed through with it. Its so easy to get stuck in the comfort zone that you are in, and to find reasons that you can't leave. I was in that for so long. I don't do change well. It is hard for me. I wake up in the morning and ask myself sometimes, what have I done? Nothing here is familiar, what was I thinking? And there is a strong sense of lonliness and fear. But I know in my heart that it is the right thing. My children are better here. I feel that I am giving them so much. It feels good. So good to give them this.
In one of those panicky moments, I think it was the day I went to work and my new job, I woke up and felt totally out of place and lonely and scared and totally out of my comfort zone. I kinda just wanted to go home. And realized I WAS home. I felt very bad. I had this overwhelming feeling that I had lost part of my soul, and couldn't figure out what it was. I felt like I had lost important things, in the busy-ness of moving and being busy, - my meditation, my sense of spirituality, my interest in energies, - it seemed my PASSION was gone. I couldn't put my finger on it. Something was gone, but it really wasn't these things. Something that had been part of me for so long didn't come with me when I moved. These things were still important to me, so what was it that I had lost? What was gone?
And I realized it was my anger. I didn't feel angry. I have been angry about so many things for so long that it had just become a normal part of everyday me. And it was gone. The overwhelming peace up here did not let me keep it. Its my anger and animosity that is gone. And after I realized that I felt so free, so relieved. I hadn't lost me. I had just lost the negativity. Its sad and scary that anger felt so normal to me that I felt lost without it. Very very sad. All those things are still important to me, but they do not have to feed off of anger like they were. They will be sustained by peace from now on.
What you focus on becomes your reality. In all the positive energy and decisions that I've made lately, the huge step to make my life and reality different than it was because it was no longer acceptable , the huge step to change my life - brought about more than I expected or was looking for. The positive energy to change other things, things that are tangible, actually changed my inside in the process. My anger is gone. A nice side effect.
I miss my mom - believe it or not. I miss my dad. I miss my house. I miss the Chinese place. I miss looking out my front window. I miss my other job. I miss Mill Avenue. I miss Loida. I miss my 7-11. I miss the buildings around my house.
The list of things I don't miss is too long to write.
We are going down to Phoenix today (that sounds so weird). Tyler is staying at Christian's house and going to visit Lee (both great kids, I'm glad he is still seeing them). Sydney and Lyndsey and Ryan are going to stay the night at my mom's and visit her, and Royce and Shi Shi are staying at his mom's to visit her, and I am going to work at County tonight - hopefully if they need me. I need to work alot if I am going to keep up this new life. Its all on Royce and me now. No more help with anything. We are finally adults, took long enough. I have to do this for my kids though. And I couldn't and wouldn't have done it without Royce. Him being here has really made it a possibility. We all owe him alot.
Think we might visit the dog park and do that Senator Highway drive before we drive down there.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
The Paradoxical Commandments
(written by Kent Keith when he was 19 and a sophomore at Harvard in the 1960's)
Mother Teresa had this poem up on the wall of her children's home in Calcutta.
I think I will put it up on my wall in my new place.
************************************************************************
The Paradoxical Commandments
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
******************************************************************************
(written by Kent Keith when he was 19 and a sophomore at Harvard in the 1960's)
Mother Teresa had this poem up on the wall of her children's home in Calcutta.
I think I will put it up on my wall in my new place.
************************************************************************
The Paradoxical Commandments
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
******************************************************************************
Friday, July 14, 2006
So tomorrow we are moving. I'm working all night tonight, so will get home,pack, and move on no sleep. Its ok, its worth all of that and more. I can't believe that last night was the last night in my house. And after last night and what happened I am so ready to go. My crazy ass neighbor called the cops at 2:30 am because I had candles burning in my front yard. Can you even believe it? She is such a fucking nut. It turned into a shouting match at 3:30 am after the cops left. I've been trying to be spiritual, and forgiving, and letting go of bad energy, and have been very successful, but last night I lost it on her. Who the fuck does she think she is? They have a baby taken out of their filthy home, and the cops visit me for my candles. WTF???????? They basically told her that I can practive my religion just as freely as she can practice hers, if I wanted to burn candles and chant in my front yard that it is my constitutional right, that I am breaking no laws, and she shouldn't call them unless she is in danger. They told me to be the bigger person, not to antagonize her, but that I had the right to practice whatever religion I believed in, and to basically leave the mentally ill neighbor alone. I hate her. I'm trying not to. I really am. But I do.I am so glad I am moving. I never have to live next to her again, or smell her dirty house, or listen to her crazy religious outbursts. She is such a fucking nutcase. OMG.
You know, we do have a serial rapist/serial killer on the streets of Phoenix as we speak. Do you NOT think the cops have anything better to do?
The candles are staying there. I might just burn them again. Today.
Fuck her.
Okay. Deciding to be spiritual and rise above it.
Ommmmmmmmmm.........................(fingers in the om sign, sitting indian style, eyes closed)
Tomorrow - beautiful apartment, pine trees, clean air, cool air, new car, all new house stuff from Ikea, no more nasty neighbor. Peace. A new start.
I will miss my house. I can't believe I am actually leaving it. Can't sell it yet. Just can't. We'll see what happens.
Think Senator Highway. Goldwater Lake. Lynx Lake. 65 degrees.
Ommmmmmmmmmmm........................................
You know, we do have a serial rapist/serial killer on the streets of Phoenix as we speak. Do you NOT think the cops have anything better to do?
The candles are staying there. I might just burn them again. Today.
Fuck her.
Okay. Deciding to be spiritual and rise above it.
Ommmmmmmmmm.........................(fingers in the om sign, sitting indian style, eyes closed)
Tomorrow - beautiful apartment, pine trees, clean air, cool air, new car, all new house stuff from Ikea, no more nasty neighbor. Peace. A new start.
I will miss my house. I can't believe I am actually leaving it. Can't sell it yet. Just can't. We'll see what happens.
Think Senator Highway. Goldwater Lake. Lynx Lake. 65 degrees.
Ommmmmmmmmmmm........................................
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
I'm still a little bit in shock, last night it was really bad, - I bought a car!!! Yesterday I had no idea I was buying a car. And now I have one. We took the van to the shop yesterday because it had been smoking, smelling like fuel, and we were hoping it was a head gasket (whatever that is), and found out it was going to be like a $4000 repair, cause we needed the whole moter rebuilt. And thats not even fixing the air conditioning, the shocks, the oil leak, which all badly need fixed, and it has like 213,000 miles on it so you know like the transmission is bound to fall out at some point soon. Another $4000 eventually. I was upset, but figured we had to fix it. Our loan had just funded that day, and we had the extra cash. Royce was just glad it happened when we did have the cash (he is always looking at the positive, hard for me sometimes). So we get to the mechanic to talk to him, and when we tell him we are going to fix it, he just kinda looks at us. He didn't recommend fixing it, and didn't even charge us anything for diagnosing it. So, we decide to go look at new cars. I've always felt like no dealership will ever approve my loan, but Countrywide just did, and the apartments just approved us, so what the hell. Royce wanted to go to Kia, cause they have the cheapest yet safest minivans. Cool. We'll go look. To make a long story short, they tell us they can't approve us for a brand new one ($28,000), but wanted to know if we would be interested in a preowned one. Sure, why not, its better than the piece of shit gas guzler that is broken right now (but I loved my piece of shit, it really was so cool). So we find one, they run the numbers, and wah lah, we are approved!!!
Holy Hell, thats all I could say. I just sat there in semi shock, Royce kept asking me if I was ok. I kept waiting for them to come back and say.....Ummmm, no, sorry we were looking at someone elses credit report, or we had the paper upside down, or I'm sorry we made a mistake. But time kept passing, and I signed the papers and here we are. Once again, everything just worked out so well, above and beyond what we even were hoping for. I tell you, someday I will have to write about all the little things that have happened with this move. Its been so weird. They wanted to sell us a DVD player for the van for 1800, but it would minimally change our monthly payments. We said sure, I kept thinking about the kids. It would be so nice to give them a car that had a dvd player in it, like some of the kids they used to know at Tempe School. I remember once they rode in Jennifer Zirkle's van (rich and snobby soccer mom) for a field trip, it had a dvd player. They thought it was so cool. I think she thought she was doing some kind of missionary work by letting the little ghetto kids ride in her precious car. At that point we were driving our beat up little red car that we bought from Kirk, a two door, 4 seater that not everyone fit in, and that had no air, and was really old. Its actually the one we drove to Louisiana, imagine that. I never thought I could give my kids a car like that. So they tell us its a done deal, we just have to make an appointment to come back to have it installed. After about a half hour, they come back and tell us it can't happen, the bank wouldn't approve the extra charge. Oh well,it was just icing on the cake, we just wanted a vehicle. So we sign all the papers, clean out the old van, I'm still in shock, and we drive home. On the way, Royce is looking around, pressing all the buttons, and flips down something on the roof. Wah lah again - a dvd player. When we got home, we put Nemo in, and it works!!!! I'm still in shock.
And we had a title loan on the old van. We were short money, took out a title loan at one of those cheesy auto loan/payday loan places a couple of months ago. What do you do? You need money. The interest is like 20%, yeah ungodly. And the new dealer totally paid it off and is doing all the paperwork and took it as a trade it. Another head ache and bill gone.
We are going up to Prescott today, staying the night, I have a pre-employment test I have to do tomorrow, and we are maybe going to sign the lease and check on how to get utilities turned on. And it gives us an excuse to stay up in the pines at a motel. I love motels. The kids love them. Its just a little treat.
The car is so sweet. You don't understand. I am so not high maintenaced enough for this car. It has a compass, tells you what direction you are going - this is good for Royce. It tells you how hot it is outside (I mean come on, I can roll down the window and put my hand out). It has the beautiful dvd player with surround sound. It has power everything - a button makes my seat scoot us, lean back, or move up. It has cruise. It has rear air - I have never had a car that had rear air. It has door on each side of the back, so easy to put little ones in, we have a car seat at each side of a door now, no more crawling in to put babies in - what a pain in the ass. The sliding door closes at the press of a button. With another button the trunk opens and closes, and beeps when it is opening so no one gets bashed in the head. The radio has a digital printout that tells you what station you are listening to, what band is playing, and get this, what song is actually playing. And I'm sure there are other things I am forgetting. Way high maintenance for me. But I love it.
You don't understand, the kids have been driving around with no air conditioning in Phoenix, for about 3 years,to those of you who have never lived here, you have no idea. It was just a luxury we didn't have. And never got fixed. I was just glad to have a car that ran and that everyone could fit it. For so long, before the van, we either had to make two trips or sit on laps. And recently the electrical stuff stopped working, and the front passenger window wouldn't go up any more, so was constantly open, and the same door (my door) wouldn't open, so I was having to crawl in from the back to sit in the front. (Yeah, we were pretty ghetto). For so long I have just dealt with stuff like this, only having the money to fix the really necessary things, like the brakes etc.
You have no idea what this vehicle means to the kids. I'm so ashamed that it has taken me this long to give them something like this. They deserve it.
My mom really hurt my feelings. We finally got home, ready to surprise everyone with it, we knew the kids were going to freak, all she could say to me was, and yelled it, "Did it really take you all that time to buy this car?" I said yes, it actually did. She stomped back in the house (we drove over to her house cause she had been watching the kids while we were gone). I think she is coming back out to see it, she never comes. So I go in, and say "Don't you even want to see it?" She yells and says, I don't have time to see it, your dad had a bad day, I'm dealing with all that, I don't have time, I'll look at it tomorrow", and walks away. No congratulations, no its so pretty, no Let me see the inside, no I'm so happy for you. So I leave. She totally blew me off. And yelled at me. I came back a little while later to pay her some money that I owed her, handed her the money, and said "You know, would it kill you to ever be happy for me?" So she acts like she doesn't even want to deal with me, and accuses me of starting a fight. I tell her this is exactly why I am leaving.
And then walk out.
Not gonna waste anymore on that one.
And no she can't see it tomorrow, I won't let her.
I'm going to drive so fucking far away that I never cross her mind.
******************************************************************************
I love my van.
Get to sleep in the pine trees tonight. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.......
Holy Hell, thats all I could say. I just sat there in semi shock, Royce kept asking me if I was ok. I kept waiting for them to come back and say.....Ummmm, no, sorry we were looking at someone elses credit report, or we had the paper upside down, or I'm sorry we made a mistake. But time kept passing, and I signed the papers and here we are. Once again, everything just worked out so well, above and beyond what we even were hoping for. I tell you, someday I will have to write about all the little things that have happened with this move. Its been so weird. They wanted to sell us a DVD player for the van for 1800, but it would minimally change our monthly payments. We said sure, I kept thinking about the kids. It would be so nice to give them a car that had a dvd player in it, like some of the kids they used to know at Tempe School. I remember once they rode in Jennifer Zirkle's van (rich and snobby soccer mom) for a field trip, it had a dvd player. They thought it was so cool. I think she thought she was doing some kind of missionary work by letting the little ghetto kids ride in her precious car. At that point we were driving our beat up little red car that we bought from Kirk, a two door, 4 seater that not everyone fit in, and that had no air, and was really old. Its actually the one we drove to Louisiana, imagine that. I never thought I could give my kids a car like that. So they tell us its a done deal, we just have to make an appointment to come back to have it installed. After about a half hour, they come back and tell us it can't happen, the bank wouldn't approve the extra charge. Oh well,it was just icing on the cake, we just wanted a vehicle. So we sign all the papers, clean out the old van, I'm still in shock, and we drive home. On the way, Royce is looking around, pressing all the buttons, and flips down something on the roof. Wah lah again - a dvd player. When we got home, we put Nemo in, and it works!!!! I'm still in shock.
And we had a title loan on the old van. We were short money, took out a title loan at one of those cheesy auto loan/payday loan places a couple of months ago. What do you do? You need money. The interest is like 20%, yeah ungodly. And the new dealer totally paid it off and is doing all the paperwork and took it as a trade it. Another head ache and bill gone.
We are going up to Prescott today, staying the night, I have a pre-employment test I have to do tomorrow, and we are maybe going to sign the lease and check on how to get utilities turned on. And it gives us an excuse to stay up in the pines at a motel. I love motels. The kids love them. Its just a little treat.
The car is so sweet. You don't understand. I am so not high maintenaced enough for this car. It has a compass, tells you what direction you are going - this is good for Royce. It tells you how hot it is outside (I mean come on, I can roll down the window and put my hand out). It has the beautiful dvd player with surround sound. It has power everything - a button makes my seat scoot us, lean back, or move up. It has cruise. It has rear air - I have never had a car that had rear air. It has door on each side of the back, so easy to put little ones in, we have a car seat at each side of a door now, no more crawling in to put babies in - what a pain in the ass. The sliding door closes at the press of a button. With another button the trunk opens and closes, and beeps when it is opening so no one gets bashed in the head. The radio has a digital printout that tells you what station you are listening to, what band is playing, and get this, what song is actually playing. And I'm sure there are other things I am forgetting. Way high maintenance for me. But I love it.
You don't understand, the kids have been driving around with no air conditioning in Phoenix, for about 3 years,to those of you who have never lived here, you have no idea. It was just a luxury we didn't have. And never got fixed. I was just glad to have a car that ran and that everyone could fit it. For so long, before the van, we either had to make two trips or sit on laps. And recently the electrical stuff stopped working, and the front passenger window wouldn't go up any more, so was constantly open, and the same door (my door) wouldn't open, so I was having to crawl in from the back to sit in the front. (Yeah, we were pretty ghetto). For so long I have just dealt with stuff like this, only having the money to fix the really necessary things, like the brakes etc.
You have no idea what this vehicle means to the kids. I'm so ashamed that it has taken me this long to give them something like this. They deserve it.
My mom really hurt my feelings. We finally got home, ready to surprise everyone with it, we knew the kids were going to freak, all she could say to me was, and yelled it, "Did it really take you all that time to buy this car?" I said yes, it actually did. She stomped back in the house (we drove over to her house cause she had been watching the kids while we were gone). I think she is coming back out to see it, she never comes. So I go in, and say "Don't you even want to see it?" She yells and says, I don't have time to see it, your dad had a bad day, I'm dealing with all that, I don't have time, I'll look at it tomorrow", and walks away. No congratulations, no its so pretty, no Let me see the inside, no I'm so happy for you. So I leave. She totally blew me off. And yelled at me. I came back a little while later to pay her some money that I owed her, handed her the money, and said "You know, would it kill you to ever be happy for me?" So she acts like she doesn't even want to deal with me, and accuses me of starting a fight. I tell her this is exactly why I am leaving.
And then walk out.
Not gonna waste anymore on that one.
And no she can't see it tomorrow, I won't let her.
I'm going to drive so fucking far away that I never cross her mind.
******************************************************************************
I love my van.
Get to sleep in the pine trees tonight. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.......
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Getting ready to move - pain in the ass.
We went to Bombshells yesterday, and Bourbon Street the night before. We are going to miss our strip clubs. Not any in Prescott. But I am sure we will come down and visit our old haunts.
Maybe we just need to start our own strip club in Prescott. Hmmmm..........................................
Thats an idea.
I could be a Madame. How cool.
Barbie Fleiss. Does that sound good? Has a certain ring now doesn't it.
I get to hire the girls, Royce can keep the books and order the beer, lol.
Gotta get back to work. Arranging the cds and dvds to take with us. Went to Ikea and bought some shelves for them today. Can I just say how much I love Ikea?
Those damn Swedes and their magic.
We went to Bombshells yesterday, and Bourbon Street the night before. We are going to miss our strip clubs. Not any in Prescott. But I am sure we will come down and visit our old haunts.
Maybe we just need to start our own strip club in Prescott. Hmmmm..........................................
Thats an idea.
I could be a Madame. How cool.
Barbie Fleiss. Does that sound good? Has a certain ring now doesn't it.
I get to hire the girls, Royce can keep the books and order the beer, lol.
Gotta get back to work. Arranging the cds and dvds to take with us. Went to Ikea and bought some shelves for them today. Can I just say how much I love Ikea?
Those damn Swedes and their magic.
Friday, July 07, 2006
So today we officially got approved for the apartment that we wanted so badly. This apartment is like a dream to us, thats kinda why I didn't really write about it, among other things, for fear that they would turn us down. Its one of those luxury apartments (since when did luxury and Barb ever get mentioned in the same sentence? This is a first), it is beautiful, it is on a hill overlooking Prescott Valley with nothing next to it on any side - just mountain, very isolated, except for a car dealership a little ways away. I was so scared we wouldn't get it. And now we are officially approved, and said we should move in by the 15th. OMG, things are moving so fast. ( It has a fireplace in it too, I'm so excited). The kids really didn't want to move, but after they saw the inside of the apartment they were a little more ok with it, they have never lived anywhere that nice. Just visited friends with houses that nice. I know they will have a hard time moving, but I know that this is a better place for them. I keep envisioning our little family (ok, I know, its not so little, humor me) inside, living there, watching tv, waking up in the morning, eating dinner. I just envision such peace. I want this so bad for my family, and I can't believe we are actually moving there. I officially got the job, start date the 17th. And I still can't believe Countrywide approved my refinancing loan and we've signed the papers already. We DO NOT have good credit. I can't believe people are giving us a chance. And the kids are excited about buying new stuff from Ikea for their new home. New stuff for their rooms. I can't wait till we are there, on a cold wet rainy cloudy day, fireplace going, watching a movie. I'm so excited. I think this is a whole new beginning for us. A place that Royce and I created, not my old one. Its just so fast, so fast. My mom is the only one not ok with us moving. She thinks the kids will starve and have no one to take care of them. I can't believe her, I so need to get away from her. She is just losing control and doesn't like it. She has no faith in my ability to raise my kids, or do anything else for that matter. I'll drive so fucking far away. Far far away. I love my mom, of course I do, but I need to get away from her. Even Kirk is ok with it, according to the kids. I'm sure he knows that is a better place for his children. He has been unhappy with our neighbors forever. Wanted the kids away from them. And they will probably see him just as often as they do now.
My thoughts keep going back to that back road we ended up going down by accident, where we would like to buy a house eventually. When we were driving that day I said to Royce, "This is where I want to live."
It was 68 degrees in Prescott tonight. It was at least 100 here - way after dark. Yeah.
Can I just say how much I love Ikea?
Thank you Heather for offering to help us move. I may just take you up on it. Even if I don't, I want you to come visit us. I'm so happy for you right now. Thanks for the picture - it is so sweet. And you are so beautiful in it, you look so good, I'm so jealous. I'm so happy that you are happy. And he is so cute - I can just see you guys on his Harley. Ok - jealous again. Someday we will all ride together, I know it. You deserve all that you have right now. I miss you too. Hope I see you at work.
I love that new song by Jet. I didn't even realize it was them singing it. I love it, I listen to it over and over, it gets stuck in my head. Its in my voice range, and it can be played on the piano, probabaly part of the reason I like it. Its just so singable. I love it. I love the words too. The name of the song is "Look What You've Done", but I thought the words were Fool of Everyone, or something like that. (Kind like I always think Bon Jovi shoulda called it "Shot Through the Heart" instead of "You Give Love a Bad Name). Does anyone else like this song, the Jet one?
I'm so excited.
My thoughts keep going back to that back road we ended up going down by accident, where we would like to buy a house eventually. When we were driving that day I said to Royce, "This is where I want to live."
It was 68 degrees in Prescott tonight. It was at least 100 here - way after dark. Yeah.
Can I just say how much I love Ikea?
Thank you Heather for offering to help us move. I may just take you up on it. Even if I don't, I want you to come visit us. I'm so happy for you right now. Thanks for the picture - it is so sweet. And you are so beautiful in it, you look so good, I'm so jealous. I'm so happy that you are happy. And he is so cute - I can just see you guys on his Harley. Ok - jealous again. Someday we will all ride together, I know it. You deserve all that you have right now. I miss you too. Hope I see you at work.
I love that new song by Jet. I didn't even realize it was them singing it. I love it, I listen to it over and over, it gets stuck in my head. Its in my voice range, and it can be played on the piano, probabaly part of the reason I like it. Its just so singable. I love it. I love the words too. The name of the song is "Look What You've Done", but I thought the words were Fool of Everyone, or something like that. (Kind like I always think Bon Jovi shoulda called it "Shot Through the Heart" instead of "You Give Love a Bad Name). Does anyone else like this song, the Jet one?
I'm so excited.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Mulan is on right now. One of my most favorite, favorite movies.
Cheyenne comes up to me, hands me something, and says in her little tiny voice, "open it". Its a cherry, stem and all. I guess she wants the seed out. She makes me laugh.
Cheyenne comes up to me, hands me something, and says in her little tiny voice, "open it". Its a cherry, stem and all. I guess she wants the seed out. She makes me laugh.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Yeah, so apparently there is a serial rapist/murderer in my little part of the hood. He apparently raped and killed his last victim 4 miles from my house last night at about 9:30 pm, and dumped her body about a mile away. The "Baseline Rapist" - named after the location of the first attacks - has possibly attacked19 times, and killed 5 times, this poor girl last night being his latest.
From the Arizona Republic today, July 1st,2006:
According to police, she had gone to a carwash at 32nd Street and Thomas Road about 9:30 p.m. She was attacked from behind.
Police found her body at 29th Street and Thomas.
Police have linked 19 attacks since Aug. 6
The attacks have occurred in two distinct areas: south Phoenix along Baseline Road between 31st Avenue and 48th Street and central Phoenix between 24th Street and 40th Street and Thomas and Indian School roads.
Click here:http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/local/articles/0701serialattack0701.html
Do you see the streets above? Specifically the 24th street,40th street,Thomas and Indian School mentions?
Yeah................
Literally 4 miles from my house - if that. From my kids. From me.
Yeah, we're moving.
Cathy, Heather, Robin, Valerie and Deb - be careful. You live in this wretched hell pit too. Please be safe.
Today I was officially offered the job I applied for in Prescott. The loan we were hoping to get (refinanced the house and getting cash out) was approved today too. And they are going to give us $2000 more cash than we even expected. We sign the papers and close probably on Monday. A first floor 3 bedroom apartment at our favorite beautiful apartments in Prescott just became available today. And a serial rapist took his lastest victim yesterday 4 miles from me.
Yeah - we're moving.
Very good and very bad energy all pointing me in the same direction. More like shoving me.
From the Arizona Republic today, July 1st,2006:
According to police, she had gone to a carwash at 32nd Street and Thomas Road about 9:30 p.m. She was attacked from behind.
Police found her body at 29th Street and Thomas.
Police have linked 19 attacks since Aug. 6
The attacks have occurred in two distinct areas: south Phoenix along Baseline Road between 31st Avenue and 48th Street and central Phoenix between 24th Street and 40th Street and Thomas and Indian School roads.
Click here:http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/local/articles/0701serialattack0701.html
Do you see the streets above? Specifically the 24th street,40th street,Thomas and Indian School mentions?
Yeah................
Literally 4 miles from my house - if that. From my kids. From me.
Yeah, we're moving.
Cathy, Heather, Robin, Valerie and Deb - be careful. You live in this wretched hell pit too. Please be safe.
Today I was officially offered the job I applied for in Prescott. The loan we were hoping to get (refinanced the house and getting cash out) was approved today too. And they are going to give us $2000 more cash than we even expected. We sign the papers and close probably on Monday. A first floor 3 bedroom apartment at our favorite beautiful apartments in Prescott just became available today. And a serial rapist took his lastest victim yesterday 4 miles from me.
Yeah - we're moving.
Very good and very bad energy all pointing me in the same direction. More like shoving me.
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