My birthday is tomorrow. I'll be 36. I'm going to take the night off tomorrow. Haven't decided what we'll do. I told Loida I wanted her and her kids to come over and we would do something. Maybe we'll go to the chinese place or something.
Life is hell at my mom's house. She is just mean, and bitter, and controlling. And I won't be controlled. She should know that by now. She treats me like I'm 16 and I'm 36. Right now we aren't talking. We got into it the other night, everything had been fine up till then, and we got into it because I told her I didn't want her giving my four year old a bottle. She said he needs one because it comforts him. I stood my ground and she ended up slamming the bedroom door and telling me all I want to do is fight. She is driving me nuts. Literally. The other day she made some comment about Royce not being good with the kids, even Cheyenne, and said something about calling CPS. The fact that she even said that makes me never want to talk to her again, I don't care how sad she is about my dad. And I know my dad would never be ok with how she is acting or treating us. He was a peacemaker. I miss him. Its so wrong without him here. Frankly, I don't know how he put up with her for 56 years.
We have got to get out of there. Everyday it gets worse. Its little comments like that everyday. She is a mean, bitter, old woman. Please shoot me in the head and put me out of my misery if I ever get like that. Royce and I got to get out a little last night. We went to the chinese place and ate. Calimari and sweet and sour chicken. And Sake. I love sake. It was so nice to just get away for a little while with him. And that place is my solice. It is my sanctuary. I am always better after I am there.
We should be able to move back in the weekend of the 15th. Royce is counting the days. He is going up to Prescott today to bring some stuff down. It will be so good to be in our own house again.
Trailady you were right. Right about my mom. I will be away from her soon though. We have to live here right now, but that doesn't mean I will let her in any part of my life after we get in our house. Enough is enough. Sometimes I think I will never learn.
When Heather and I did my cards, it said that the future would be better for me and my mom if I stayed up in the mountains. It literally read that way. They said I needed to remove myself from the situation and give space. And if I did that, then the future would be better for us.
I need to do another reading.
Went to borders last night. Nikki, you were very right about Borders. I never gave it a chance before because of my opinion about things, but I was wrong. It is a wonderful place. I got somethings for the kids there, a movie for me, and I got a book that I am starting to read to the kids at night. Its the first book " The Bad Beginning", in the series "A Series of Unfortunate Events" by Lemony Sniketts. I think we will really like it. None of us have seen the movie. Like always, I want to read the book first.
Going to primer our bedroom and finish Tyler's today. Can't wait to start painting.
Going to work tonight. I am so happy to be back at county. I love my unit, and my coworkers. We could have the worst night possible, and the people that you are working with make it a nice night. Robin, Valerie, Evette, Zeer and Nebrich, Amy, the twins, John boy, Martin, Slade, Tina, and the rare occasion that I get to see Heather. I really do like my job. I'm home there.
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6 Comments:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I HOPE IT'S WONDERFUL, WELL DESERVED.
You know I'll call you if I can tomorrow.
I am sorry things are crappy, I knew they would be. But as long as you know you can move out again soon then you'll be ok. I know you didn't expect it to be happy but I know you also hoped it would be good. And well, yeah. Anyway, I'm very sorry for you. That would suck way worse than my vacation at the beach with the screaming etc.
I wanted to say about your comment on my page - I think its' great that you are getting to know what's going on and I think it has to be on your own time. I didn't start to pay attention or read or question the outside stuff until after 9/11, then I just wanted to know why. I still dont' really know, but I know more than I did. I am happy to say that we live in a country where people as close as you and I can disagree on whatever we want, because we are still free. No matter the opinion either of us holds about politics, people, money, religion, whatever, I think it's really cool that we get to believe what we want and we get to look it up and research it and learn. I think that a lot has changed and we're very close to losing the ability to see as many sides of a story as we do, but nevertheless, I think it's important to stand up for what you believe in. Working in healthcare, and working in the mental health area as well as with the older population I am particularly saddened by what is turning out to be a huge rift between the haves and the have nothings. Not to say that the have-nothings should just sit around and be handed everything, but I still believe we should take care of people that cant' take care of themselves, and we don't do that anymore. It's all about the money and those of us in the middle are getting shoved out. Anyway, I wanted to say thanks for sharing your opinion, I like to hear/read what others think, even if we disagree. I rather prefer a differing opinion with a calm and rational/if not emotionless approach to someone who doesn't know what they believe but they know the bumpersticker they bought at the church is right. :)
So, I hope I don't miss you but if I do - I know it's your birthday tomorrow and I will be thinking about you. I hope you get to spend some quality time with the people you love and that the people that are bitter and mean take the time to stay away so you can.
Love you.
Nic
For some reason, all the religion in the world cannot make someone be nice. It can't make them happy. I actually feel sorry for your Mom in a way, because somewhere along the line, she missed out on the love part of God. Deep inside she doesn't feel loved or appreciated and so she can't make you feel that way.
Distance is healthy. Sometimes loving someone means having to say, "I will not allow you to treat me that way anymore!"
Set your boundaries. I know it's harder now that you are back in Phoenix, but set them anyway and stick to them. I'm sure that somewhere inside, she loves you, but when someone doesn't love themselves, they can't seem to truly love anyone else. Sounds like your Mom has some major issues.
Put Royce and the kids and your needs first. Remember, you don't need her approval and you are not a slave.
happy happy happy birthday, darling!!!
Hi Barb,
Happy Birthday!! Jake is in the hospital with asthma and pneumonia since sunday night. I forgot to give you something I got you the last time I saw you. I am taking alot of abuse by having to be around Mark and his family. I cried for hours last night because of something his stepdad said. Totally unapproriate under the circumstances that my son is sick. I just want to take my kids and drive so fucking far away. Mark has chose to work in stead of taking a couple of his 9wks fucking vacation at this time. I am really seeing all of their true colors and it only help to validate that I have made the right decision. I need my cards read again too. Maybe we can get together again soon. I miss you. I am trying to stay strong for Jake.Will have to work on friday wheter or not he is still there. I have to pay the bills. I will seek you out. Have lots to tell you. Love, Heather.
Now damnit Barb I didn't realize that going to Borders was a new revalation, I should have, but I didn't.
I would have bought you a latte' and grabbed a few books and sat in the cafe' with you so you can see just how relaxing that place can be.
But hey, strip clubs still fucking rock too!!!!!
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