Two days ago the doctor told my mom that my dad had 3 to 5 days left. I'm stuck up here at work for three nights in a row. I desperately need to work right now, or I would be down there right now. I'm going down Friday morning, after work. I hope it isn't too late. I've been checking with my mom everyday. If it seems things are worse, I will just miss work. I have to. I've been keeping my phone at work with me.

I have never seen my mom so lost. Whatever she needs right now is what I need to do. Whether it be someone at the house with her, letting her talk, being in nurse mode, or simply being quiet. Whatever she needs. She is so lost.

I'm faced with the decision of whether or not to have my kids see my dad one last time. Or to let them remember him how we was. So I thought I should ask them. They don't have an answer. I may have to make a decision for them. I hate being a grown-up. I will ask them again before we go. Either way is ok with me, I just want them to think about it and make the decision that is right for them. This is so hard.

They are moving him later today to a Hospice facility. My brother is flying in this morning from Ohio.

My dad actually spoke yesterday. He hasn't spoken for at least a week. And usually never anything meaningful. Yesterday he plainly said to my mom, "What do you want, Garnet?" That's my dad for you, always concerned for someone else. Even now. I'm just amazed that he said something. I need to talk to him at least one more time. I know he can hear me. I need to tell him I love him. I don't think I ever said that enough to him. I guess none of us usually do. Why is that?

I've just been numb lately. No tears. No feeling about it. Is that normal? Then sometimes it just hits me.

I told my mom to tell my dad that I will be there on Friday.

I hope I am making the right decisions.

Their anniversary is in 6 days. 56 years.

Maybe that's what he is waiting for.

Ok - - - not so numb now.