Do family dynamics not become a surreal, dreamlike, SalvadorDali-like parallel universe when someone is dying?

I find myself looking. Not really at anything, and doing it alot. Like in the bathtub. Just looking at the tiles. In bed. Just looking at the walls. And for unknown amounts of time. Blank.

Space - the final frontier.

I'm starting to float.

Peggy and I are talking.

Even Salivador Dali would find that weird.

Did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld, Bizarro-world. Yeah, kinda like that.

On the way back to Prescott from Phoenix last night after leaving the hospital Tyler and I were listening to music. Tyler and I jamming to Kid Rock, Ozzy, Poison, and Suicidal Tendencies. Driving down I-17 with the windows down at night. I asked him if it was weird that I was 36 years old and that I related to the kid, not the parents, in that Suicidal Tendencies song. You know, the one where he wants a pepsi, just one pepsi? " You think I'm crazy, You're crazy, you are driving me crazy."

He just laughed.

(I'm doing it again. Staring at the buttons on the monitor.)

Then "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole and his daughter came on the radio. I cried the rest of the way home.

I don't think it will be much longer. Maybe a few weeks, maybe less. He is almost totally unresponsive now. He will wince or figit a little when my mom says something, or kisses him. He only responds to her. They are trying to feed him through an ng tube, but this is only temporary. Just to see if he will perk up a little. He has lost 30 pounds in the last few weeks.

The doctors have told us we need to make some decisions.

In a day or so they are going to send him home to die. Basically to starve - he very plainly stated in his living will the he doesn't want any artificial forms of feeding. No peg tube. My last act of love needs to be respect for his wishes.

It's silly, but I'm having a hard time eating.

I know everyone has a dad.

But my dad is different.

He was Superman.