"and an ocean tumbled by with a private boat for Max and he sailed off through night and day
and in and out of weeks
and almost over a year

to where the wild things are."



I think I'm going to get a MySpace. Its seems really cool. Complicated, but cool. I will keep this as my blog - for what I intended it for in the first place - my place to write, to express. The MySpace will be for my creative side. We'll see. If anyone out there has any advice on anything about MySpace please let me know. Amy at work tried to help me. I feel so MySpace illiterate.

Working alot - doing nights again for awhile. They are really short at work and are offering disgustingly offensive amounts of money for extra shifts. I have my price. I will prostitute myself out. It is after all the Almighty dollar. And its kinda fun to have the upper hand with management - as short lived as it may be. I have a skill. They need my skill. And they are willing to pay for it. And I lose in this situation how?????????? Ok, I hate it that I don't see my kids when I work alot, and I hate it that I don't get to sleep next to my Roycie, and that we don't have much time together, but I have a full-time built in babysitter, which is the problem with most working women, and I don't have that problem. So I should just suck it up and work alot while I can and make things better for my kids and my Sweetie. Even if they do forget who I am. Oh, the price and pain of a divorced, working mother. Time spent with mom, or food?

I really want to give them that nice house in that nice neighborhood. They deserve that. They are great kids. I think about Ryan. He is the one I feel I need to give it to the most. He has the kindest purest heart and soul. He deserves so much more than I am giving him now. He is an angel and deserves heaven. And the older three have been through so much, it would be nice to give them something so nice. And Cheyenne. My angel conceived from such a perfect union. She is the result of that magic everyone everywhere ever hopes to even catch a glimpse of, much less own. She is the product of magic. That alone entitles her.

I have the power to achieve all that I want, and even of that which I fear I don't deserve.

I must remember this. I must embrace this.

***************************************

The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

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