Still LOST

I've been packing things up.  There is alot to pack when you are packing up a house of 40 plus years.  I'm finding that there is not much I want to leave.  Even if we just put everything in storage.  I got the dishes pretty much done.  I've only left out what we need until we leave - 10 plates, 10 cups, 10 bowls, etc.  The couches are gone, we are sleeping either on the mattress, box springs, air mattress, or chairs.  I hate this, but it is necessary right now.  I am going to keep packing slowly.  After talking to Heather, I feel like we have more time here than we think.

Its starting to feel like not my house.  It has always been my house.  Its not anymore.  Mom is not coming back, Dad is dead.  Its funny, someone called for him the other day, and I wanted to say "he's 6 feet under, but I'll see if he wants to talk."  How can he still be on telemarketers lists?  Its been 6 years.

We need to get one huge storage unit and just combine the 2 we have, and put the rest of this stuff in it.  I want everything to be organized this time, unlike every other time.  So, I am packing.  Maybe this is how my dealing with it.  Apparently Peggy doesn't want anything.  I told her we would be packing everything up and taking it to storage, and if she wanted anything to come get it or she could go to our storage unit.  She declined, and said to save anything that I think she would want.  Fuck her. 

I want the house to be in great shape when we leave, as good as it can be.  Clean, organized.  Don't want anyone coming in and saying, " I can't believe she left it this way."  And its my house.  I don't want to disrespect it that way.  But Bobby is going to definately have his share of repairs if he is the one who sells it.  Whoever ends up with it has tons of repairs.  The celing in the hallway is leaking from the airconditioner, water is constantly dripping on the ground, the entire hallway is sloshy.  It looks like the ceiling is going to cave in.  And lots of other things.  Not my problem and not my fault.

So I'm piling everything up in the living room so it is easy to move when we are ready to.  It looks very chaotic, but there is a method to my madness.  We just need to get that new unit.

Rewatching LOST, probably as a release for the situation.  We are religious Losties.  Its good to see it again.

Focusing on feeding everyone, managing money, what little there is of it, getting the bancruptcy done which will make everything better for everyone, just trying to survive right now.  I applied for AHCCCS, and they said I qualify for everything, so that will make it better for everyone if it happenes.  I hate to do that, but what I want is not important.  It will help everyone.

So, still lost. 
But making some sense of it.