Girl Interrupted.........Again

So, Iv'e been away for a little while now.
Last week finished my second chemical detox, at my request.
Was locked up on Valium again for 6 days.

Again.

Was in the hospital for something else, something I really don't want to talk about here, (I really need to talk to you Nikki), and you know, as long as I was there we might as well clear my blood alcohol level safely. I participated this time a lot more. I think I got more out of it. Realized again just how annoying AA can be. But also removed the "GOD" factor from the 12 steps, and came aways with things I think I can use. Still can't get pass the first step though, don't think I ever will. I am not powerless - over anything I choose to pick up and put in my body. Its a bad choice, not a powerless disease. Thats how I feel about it. And I didn't dare mention I'm Wiccan. They probably would have burned me at the stake. But I did get alot more this time mentally. Like I said, I was there for other reasons primarily, but asked to do another detox. Royce said he always knew I was crazy, I guess not its not just his opinion. He was joking by the way. But my psychiatrist wasn't. I just can't talk about it yet. I can barely even speak the word.

Anyhow, back to alcohol. So what did I do the day I got released? Yep, went to a bar and had a double of Jager. So much for success. I imediately started IOP, which is the Intense Outpatient Program. It is not for alcohol, for other things, but alcohol comes up a lot. It seems to be very helpful. And I will get one on one sessions with an honest to goodness psychiatrist (Crazy from the Wall is going through my head, you know, when he is losing his mind with the OD in the animation). I keep thinking of Bob Newhart. And the crazies he had. And all the crazies I've taken care of. Bobo comes to mind. Heather, you will remember her.

I'm also on very strong drugs (that have nothing to do with alcohol). Tegretal, Abilify, and Cogentin. There HOUSE wanna-be's, figure that puppy out.

I was very taken back, yet so releaved in so many ways.

I will be attending AA meetings. I found one by my house. Everyone was really nice. I'm going to read the Big Book. I have this pet peeve about people who bash things they know nothing about. Thats what I've been doing. So I will read. Doesn't mean I have to agree. But I can take the good with me.

I joined the gym. I will be going tonight. I went yesterday. I have never weighed this much in my life. Its time.

For a lot of things.