Sad

Sybil and Labrys thanks for your comments.
Its weird how someone in cyberspace can actually hurt your feelings.
I so wish I could go to your party Labrys.

Got floated tonight to an unfamiliar floor, but the night is going well. I guess nursing is nursing wherever you go. Have tonight off, so just have to get through the night. Its becoming very clear to me that all of my "medical" problems are due to stress. I'm not going to write a whole lot about it, but have basically had problems with my heart, my gallbladder, my stomach now, and when everything is worked up, everything is normal on paper. And when you put them all together they are all symptoms of stress. Been having a very hard time lately, with depression and anxiety. I never thought I was "one of those", but the way I have been feeling is undeniable and uncontrollable, and I understand as a nurse that those two things are controlled by chemicals and hormones. Something is very wrong, but I am doing what I am told to to fix it. I think the things I am feeling are the things I drank away for 2 years, and I am finally faced with them. My stomach has been so bad lately that I haven't had anything to drink for days, maybe a week or so. I think its probably the only way to heal my stomach, or at least not aggravate it. I'm on so many meds. I never thought I was one of those either. An antidepressant, something for sleep, something for my stomach, something for my blood pressure, which is turning into a huge thing. I hate this. I am determined to make this "med" thing a temporary thing. I was tempted the other day to just quit taking everything cold turkey. But after reconsideration, knowing the facts, I chose not to. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything, especially finances. And my house. So overwhelmed.

I'm just so very sad lately.

I don't know why I'm spilling all of this. To whoever. Like always, I guess it feels good to vent.

I think the meds are kicking in. Its been over 2 weeks. Starting to feel a little better. Royce said I am laughing more. Still crying alot. And am managing to go to work. So I guess they are working.

I was very sad on Imbolc. I thought about it alot that day. I missed you Nikki, and remembered everything we did last year. Very sad.

I hope I start to feel better soon.