Last night was a very sad, lonely night for me. One of those nights where you know afterward that things have to change, where things can't keep going the way they are. I am choosing for today to be the beginning of that change. I am choosing for last night to be the end of that bad year and a half. I am choosing this. The left-over vibrations from last night are still in the house, but it already feels more peaceful.

I called my mom today. I told her I didn't want to fight, that I was sorry for my behaviour in the last year and a half, that things would be different from now on and that I wanted things to be better between her and me. She told me she doesn't care about anything anymore, she doesn't want to hear about any trouble I may be having, she is done speaking to me, and that our relationship is over. Forvever. And that she didn't even understand why we were having this conversation. She's done. That she loves me, but she is done.

I guess thats that. I probably deserve that. But it hurts more than I expected it to. I feel very abandoned by her. She said she doesn't understand why I even care about how we get along. I said, well, you are my mother. And she said "No, not really."

Okay. I get it.

I feel like my circle of people has diminished significantly. That there really is no one outside my family anymore. I guess this means I should treat my family like gold, like they are all that I have. Cause they are.