FAT

Like I said, I keep bouncing with my weight, and also with my weight loss plan. But I know I've got to do something. I was going to do no-carb. And I did for a few days. For some reason this time I am just having a hard time sticking with it. No self control I guess. I think I'm just really undisciplined. So I think I'm just going to take a really hard ass approach. Until I lose about 20 pounds, I'm just really going to crack down, crash dieting/starving, and working my ass off. I know, I know, I don't want any flack for this. I know the ramifications, but I have to do something. I just have to get in the right mind set. Then I'll reevaluate how I want to do it. After 20 pounds. When I hit 160. I'm going to go for a bike ride right now. It is cloudy and beautiful and wonderful here today, and I plan on spending most of my daylight outdoors. I just really have to do this. I hope it rains.

On a different note, I just bought 2 books. "The Story of O", and "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty." Both at the recommendation of my good friend Jenn. At one time I had started "Sleeping Beauty", and I couldn't get through it. I got through like a chapter and a half. I liked it very much when I was reading it, but afterward it did weird things in my head, I know because of past experiences, being raped (God, I don't think I've ever publicly stated that, wow), and some physical abuse issues. But I think I'm at a point where I can and want to read it. I guess that means progress, huh? They are very intense erotica. "Sleeping Beauty" is written by Anne Rice, and her sexuality is as dark as her evil. Very intense. And the other one is a classic from the 1950's. Kind of a cult classic. I am excited (no pun intended) about reading them.

And I have a new one on my list. You know, "The" List. Everyone has one. Just had to make mention. And a picture. And in the process of finding him I found one for Royce too. They are both on the show "Numb3rs", how convenient is that, both on the same show. Now I don't watch very much television, I barely even know what shows are on. But at work the other night Darcy brought in a whole season of Numb3rs on DVD. She said I would love it. And you know what, she was right. I do. It makes me feel really stupid though, all that math and statistics and theories, I don't even know what they are talking about. Its like Jeopardy with beautiful people and a plot. I feel like I should have learned these things, like the normal person at least has heard of them. And I am totally lost in the "scientific" part of the show. So I sit, and enjoy the eye candy. and I like the plots, as much of them as I can understand.

Presenting.............Mr. DYLAN BRUNO

He is so beautiful.
I just want to squeeze his biceps.
Among other things.

And the lovely .............. NAVI RAWATI saw her for about 5 seconds and new she was one of Royce's girls.She is very very pretty. Quite lovely. (And the little bitch doesn't even wear makeup). She's a very good little actress.

Off to ride my bike. Off to burn nasty fat. When I hit 160 I am going to reward myself by piercing my tongue again. This time I'm leaving it it. (And I lost 8 pounds last time, I couldn't eat for like 4 days). Darcy's daughter, Kelsey, owns HALO piercing here in Phoenix. Darcy said she would even go with me. (I'll have to write about Darcy sometime.) So I am going to have Kelsey do it for me. I want one on the back of my neck too. And one of the new subdermal ones on my arm.

Off to burn my ass off.