Discipline vs. Regret

“The pain of discipline is always less than the pain of regret.”

I saw this quote the other day, and I liked it so much that I'm putting it on my sidebar.

New diet - new ticker. I picked little rain clouds because they remind me of Nikki who is in the Pacific Northwest, where it rains everyday, who is also losing weight with me. And because I love rain. To me, rain is a good thing. I love it.

So yesterday was day 4 of my new no-carb diet thingy, and as of yesterday when I got up I was 4 pounds lighter - at 173. I'm very happy with that. Its actually not so bad, I'm not keeping track of calories, I eat whenever I am hungry. The fat keeps me feeling full, I'm not thinking about food all day. I have had a few carb cravings, like potatoes or bread, but nothing overwhelming. Its really weird - I'm eating things that have always made me feel so guilty in the past. Sausage, cheese, bacon, salad dressing (the good kind). For instance, yesterday we went to McDonald's for breakfast after work. I got an egg mcmuffin, ate the cheese, eggs, and ham, didn't eat the muffin, and had 3 extra pieces of just sausage. I can't imagine the calories or fat content. I don't even want to think about it. If I would ever have eaten that at any other time when I was trying to lose weight I would have been severely cheating and beat myself up for it. I felt guilty yesterday. I said to myself, I knew I was going to weigh like 3 pounds more when I weighed myself after sleeping. I told Royce I didn't even want to get on the scale. But I did. And I was a pound lighter. And every other time I was on a diet, I went hungry - I felt like I was "being good" and disciplined if I felt hungry. And therefore I still associate the feeling of being satisfied with guilt and being undisciplined. But I'm feeling satisfied now, and I'm losing weight. This might just work for me. I'm not always eating that high fat though, that was just yesterday. I usually eat meat, eggs, cheese, cottage cheese, and I have been eating lots of veggies - broccoli, etc. Supposedly the veggies control the cholesterol. We will see. I haven't been keeping a food log, but maybe I should. Maybe I will start.

I also did my first workout/exercize day on this diet. It was Monday. In the morning I rode my bike, oh probably at least 8 miles. Then in the afternoon Royce took me to his gym, Thornbecks. It is a little powerlifting gym, old school style. Definately a guys gym. No foo-foo anywhere. Just hard core machines. No cardio anywhere. He said they consider cardio anything over 5 reps. Nice. Its in this tiny little garage in like a warehouse district. No sign on the door. No one was there. There is a huge desert area next to it. It is so quiet and peaceful. They just leave the door open, and you come and go as you like, you put your $2 charge for a day pass in an envelope in a back room office, nobody keeps track of anything, using the honor system. And the guy who works there is not some pretty 18 year old college boy, flexing in front of the mirror, only helping the hot 18 year old college girls. That was the gym I went to before. Pure Fitness. And the one by Arizona State University. Yeah....... . The only times they ever wanted to help me was when I had a tight shirt on. Seriously. And I just wanted to slap the shit out of the cardio bunnies. They'd be going like 500,000 miles an hour on the eliptical, like they had to hurry up and burn off the tic tac they just ate. This guy was huge, bald, in shape, and very strong (he's not gonna lose the bar fight, - my kinda guy). And very nice. And this gym plays better music. No hip hop shit. The best way to describe the overall place and feel is = no bullshit. And thats actually where I saw that quote. There was another quote on the wall there:

"Winners are simply willing to do what losers aren't."

I thought, how true is that. Apparently some famous powerlifters have gone there. And before I went in there was another female doing lunges out in the parking lot. So I guess other girls go there. I just liked the whole place and feeling so much better than the "cookie cutter" gym that I went to before. Nobody trying to sell me anything, nobody pushing products, nobody trying to measure me. My trainer last time seriously reprimanded me for drinking a gatorade while I was there. I can still hear his voice, " Now is that in your approved amount of calories today?" (insert voice of teacher on South Park - is it Mr. Hand??). That was one of those shining Hallmark moments that so disenchanted me about working out and getting in shape. It was a "Fuck This" moment. At Thornbeck's there is one scale, and it is nonconspicuously in the tiny little bachelor-like bathroom, right next to an old faded, ripped picture of Arnold Schwartznegger on the door. Lots of pics of Arnold in this place.

I will definately go back there. Maybe even today.

Today, Wednesday is also exercise day. I don't think I am working tonight, which is bad for money, but good for exercise. I was supposed to do swings with my kettelbell Monday too, but didn't. I will today.

I started this June 9th. It is the start of day 5. I want to lose 8 pounds a month, and lose 50 by the 6 month mark. That will be December 9th. That would put me at 127. Perfect. I never last on these things. I always give up and give in. So we'll see. So far so good.

Nikki, I am so proud of you for losing 25 pounds. I can't believe it. You really are doing this too. We are going to look great at our reunion. We have too.