Suffocating

Slept all of today. Got up half way to pee, then found myself on the internet reading about that shooting at VT. Sometimes its just overwhelming for me. I get to the point where I want to sacrifice whatever compassion and feelings I have about bad things - for not knowing, for not feeling, for being indifferent and ignoring such things and never turning the news on. To be completely unaware of what is going on in the world. Just because it overwhelms me after awhile. There is nothing I can do about it, so why know about it? Stay in my own little world. To become one of those unfeeling people, because it is suffocating to feel. Am I the only one who feels like this?

So I went back to bed.

Rode my bike for about 40 minutes, came home made stirfry and chicken.

Food today:
Stirfry............................ 0 (nothing counted, it was broccoli, redicio(sp?), and spinach)
Chicken.........................200
Barbecue sauce.................60
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Total so far.....................260 (wow, not much)

I probably should eat something else, but it is midnight. I think I'm going to go work out, and then spend some time with Royce. Maybe get my yoga video out. I lied, I did get on the scale today. Shouldn't have. 175. Thanks Heather for noticing that I lost weight. It is going to get a whole lot more noticible. Matt's sister Marisa has a digital camera that I can take pictures with and put on here. He may bring it over tomorrow. When he does I am going to put a body shot on here. I also still have (one of my most valuable posessions) a photograph of me when was 18 or 19. Me and Stephanie were fooling around one night when she stayed over, I was dressing up (or "undressing" up) and taking pictures. There was probably something in my head that said, "You better take a picture, you will NEVER look like this again". I've always kept it. Probably the best picture I have taken. I love this picture. When I've showed it to people in my adult life (Hey, look what I used to look like) - they are like totally floored. I'm going to try and take a picture of it too, and put it on here. It kinda should have an NC-17 rating, so beware. I will get back to that. Its almost 20 years later, but I will get it back.