Cheyenne

Today is my Shianna's birthday. She is 3. I wrapped all her presents at work last night. I came home, slept from 9:30 till 2. Then we went to the zoo. She wanted to see the goats. All of us went - Me and Royce, Tyler, Matt, Leon, Sydney, Lyndsey, Ryan and Cheyenne. Then we went to Peter Piper Pizza and played games and ate pizza. Then came home and had cake and opened presents. She got lots of princess stuff. And play doh. And coloring books. And a stuffed pony and tiger. She is my princess.

The girls at work last night were giving me a hard time about how much I bought for her. First it was, " you buy that much because she is your baby, right?" Then after I told them I do that for all my kids, it was " what is it, like fucking Christmas or what? I wish you were my mom", implying I did too much. I only got critisism from the girls without kids.

She is only 3 once.

Unfortunately.

Today was so fun. One of those perfect days.

Last night, three years ago, I had just had a huge fight with Royce during the day, started contracting regularly at about 9 pm, picked him up from work at 10 pm, him thinking I am still mad at him, me knowing there is a completely different agenda ahead of us. I remember telling him when he got in the car, " I don't feel so well." I sat at home, him begging me to please get in the car and go to the hospital, him putting "the bag" with all my stuff in it by the door, and watched tv with him until about 3 am, contracting every 2 to 3 minutes. Finally called my mom to come over at about 5 am because we were going to the hospital. I was a month early.

Last night at work, I had to retrieve a dead baby from the morgue that had been in the deep freeze for 24 hours. Mom had been quiet and unemotional all the day and night before, all that day, but broke down on my shift. She felt she didn't get to say goodbye to the baby, because she had been in an anesthesia coma the whole day before, and then they took the baby away - to the morgue. She never got to say goodbye. I jumped through hoops, like a good nurse, and managed to get the baby back to her. I had to go down to the morgue myself and get it. The five other corpses in the morgue just about took my breath away - the smell that is. Especially the one with blood and body fluids around the brain part, and the bloody mess on the floor under it. All covered of course. Apparently somebody forgot the formaldihyde. I managed to compose myself until I got out of the morgue, and then gagged. And not much gets to me - anymore. I took the baby back upstairs - in a little wooden box. It stayed with her all night.

I had Cheyenne at 3:52 pm. Happy Birthday Cheyenne. I love you so much.

It was a wonderful day. I love 3.