The Best Revenge

So I used to believe that men were basically evil, and that women basically weren't. Sure there's always the exception to the rule, but for the most part I believed this was gospel. Once again, its always the little things that get you. I woke up today and decided to go for a bike ride before work. I'm getting ready to cross a little side street, this lady pulls up in her car and completely blocks my way from getting back on the sidewalk. I have to struggle to get around her car. I know alot of people do this without knowing it, and it is rush hour, but after finally getting around her car and onto the other side, I look at her. And she is laughing. I turn around again and look at her, and she makes direct eye contact with me, and is snickering at me for blocking my way. I find myself smiling alot more, at strangers. Just to do it. I believe that most people deserve a smile. But there are some people that just deserve to get flipped off. Which I did. And about 5 minutes prior to that, I was crossing where the freeway off ramp is, mind you at rush hour, and a truck full of guys completely stops when they have the right of way, and stops traffic so I can get across. So theres goes that theory of mine. I'll just chalk it up to being hotter than her. Usually when men react positively to me and women react negatively it just means I look better than her. Good, I must be doing something right.

I started out being disappointed today because it is weigh-in day and I am 175 and have only lost 4 pounds in 2 weeks (179 at Easter when I started working out). But I think Tracy is right, you can only lose 2 pounds of fat a week. Therefore I am right on track. I just get too impatient. I'm going to just keep on keepin' on. I lost what I was supposed to in 2 weeks. Royce said I look different, but I don't see it yet. And I feel better already. So I will choose not to be impatient, and accept that I made my goal. And I will work hard, eat good, and shoot for 2 more pounds this next week - 173 by Friday.

I was having alot of problems with mood. Feeling sad, being on edge. Royce always told me it was my testosterone level, that it is responsible for my state of well-being, and that it is probably low, and that exercise will increase it. I feel much better after exercising regularly for 2 weeks. Its almost worth it without weight loss as an effect - just the emotional effects alone. But I want the weight loss too. And I have started taking St. John's Wort again. It really is an amazing little flower. I can already feel the difference. This time a tincture, not a tea. I think it is more pure and effective this way.

I'm learning how to turn anger and negative energy into something positive. Not really trying, its just kind of happening. Like when something negative happens, instead of just getting pissed and/or sad, my first reaction is that the anger motivates me to change things. Like that stupid bitch in her car today. She had bad hair, was not in shape, and was pretty homely. It just makes me want to work out harder, so that when things like that happen again, and I am fine and working at the strip club, and out riding my bike - I can stand up on the pedals and lift my fine ass in the air at her and have guys honk at me in front of her.

The best revenge is living well.

Here's that picture of me when I was 19. Its old and all blurry, but you can see it. Yeah, I know - what happened? I can and I will get back to this.

Food today:

Soup......................................240

Chicken..................................400

Cottage cheese.........................400

Oranges..................................140

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Total.....................................1180

Addendum at 8 am:

After the 1180, ate a bunch of crap. Maybe like 840. So total 2020. Fuck.

Its 3 days before my period, fuck it. And yes, some of it was chocolate. The other half Doritos.