Old Demons

So 1315 calories today.

Basically 2 glasses of wine and healthy eating. And accountability for calories.

Its so much easier when you just don't count them.

All the old feelings about eating are flooding back. It must be the wine.

Guilt. Disgust. Undisciplined. Saddlebags. Belly. Fat Ass. Fucking Fat Whore.

The wine and the issues are coliding.

When I was younger, I used to just throw up at this point. Easy way to get rid of the problem.

I wanted it. Ate it. Now I feel out of control and bad because I gave in. And I didn't even eat that much.

The feeling of satiety, satisfaction ==== guilt, badness, ugliness. As soon as I start feeling "full", I start feeling shitty. Guilty. Gross.

This is educational.

I didn't work out today.

Tomorrow will be better. Look, its 12:22 am.

It is tomorrow.

yeah