P.S.

Need to add a p.s.

Cathy, I have one question. The bible is very black and white, very condemning and outspoken about your life style. How can you NOT be confused by a set of beliefs, christianity, when it is very condemning of lesbians and homosexuals. It is considered one of the worst "sins" in the bible. It is why Sodom and Gomorroh were destroyed. It plainly states those who "choose" homosexuality will go to hell. How can you defend a set of beliefs that condemn you for who you choose to love and be with? And if you believe it, how can you choose what you choose? How can you "pick" the parts of christianity that fit your life, and discard the rest? Just a question.

I find the bible extremely inconsistant. This is the logical reason I don't believe it.

I believe Jesus's words in the Sermon on the Mount are beautiful. But I believe that you love who you love. Plain and simple. If it happens to be a man, then its a man. If its a woman, then that is that. I believe that we love someone's heart, not their genitals (although I do love them .....ahhhhhhhhhh). And that life is way too short to worry about who someone else is loving.

Do you ever have moments of irony? The more I am open to energy, the more I think its not irony. Just energy. We had to crash c-section my patient last night. She was abrupting - her placenta was detatching from the uterus, and they thought her uterus was also rupturing (when it just kind of splits open and the baby floats into the abdomen - not good). Her baby was 26 weeks along, 2 weeks past livable, about 2 pounds, about 5 1/2 months along. We were forced to cut out her baby at a time when it doesn't have much of a chance, might not live, and if it does it probably will have physical and or mental deficits. All this because mom decided to smoke some meth. We are back in the OR, getting the patient ready, and "Comfortably Numb" comes on the radio (yes they really do play music in the OR). It was so weird. I just looked at her, disgusted, and wanted to go there - to that comfortably numb place.

I always feel like I should be sympathetic to my patients. That its my job to make them feel good, to make them feel better. To not make them feel worse than they already do. To like them. But you know what? She wasn't my only patient. There is a tiny 26 week baby that she has completely harmed, maybe fatally, that was my patient too. If someone came in the room and hit the mom, I would call security and press charges. And I wouldn't be nice, or try to make the attacker "feel" better. I decided I didn't like her. I told her this was happening and that her baby would be really sick because she smoked meth. Fuck sympathy.

Poor baby.