Right now I am cooking pasta and sauce. Eating healthier forces me to learn how to cook. Maybe this is a good thing. This is not easy. I actually have to cook the food myself to really know what is in it. Its so much easier to just go to Jack.
Whole grain organic angel hair pasta. With a sauce made out of extra virgin (I used to be that once) olive oil, garlic, onion, tomatoes, basil, fennel, oregano, portabello mushrooms, salt, pepper, green lentils, and I added some tomato sauce cause it got too thick.
It smells really good. We will see.
I am really sad today. I can't shake the mood. Everything is sad to me today. The only good thing about it is I am old enough and have done this long enough that I know it is a hormonal/chemical thing. It is about 4 days before my period starts. And my body must be totally exempt of estrogen, or progesterone, or whatever the hell it is. No matter what I do, I can't shake it. I went for a bike ride. Usually half way through the ride I start feeling the high. When life starts feeling beautiful. This time it only got to tolerable. On the way home, I almost started crying - on the bike. Ridiculous. It helps to know it is chemical. That way I can say, I'll go to sleep tonight, and it will be gone. I hate feeling like this. Like I'm losing my mind. I just want to shrink down in bed, next to Royce, with wine, and watch tv all night. Maybe I will. I try to exercise, and maybe it helps a little. I rode past a cemetary. Then I started thinking about my dad, in that cold hard ground. I dreamed about him last night. At least he was "alive" in the dream. He walked in through my kitchen door. I was so happy to see him. I rushed up to him, smiling, happy. So glad to see him. He looked the same. With his baseball hat, his flanned shirt, and his jeans. In his slow, happy way. He was smiling. I started missing him alot when I rode past the cemetary. I kept riding.
I just sent Royce out to check on the pasta. Its been cooking for awhile. We like it cooked really well. Not al dente.
I don't think I have lost any weight yet. But I am not going to get discouraged. I still plan on starting the yoga class this nest week. I am excited. Royce just told me the sauce and pasta are good. There is hope that someday I will actually learn to cook. My children will probably be grown and gone, but maybe I will finally be a really good cook for them when they are adults.
Tyler is at a friend of a friends house tonight. I miss him. He is practicing with a "band" tonight. He is getting really good. It shouldn't surprise me. Or anyone for that matter. Finally, little Barb musical genes are surfacing. Lyndsey is sick tonight. Syd is here to keep me company, which she is always good at. The two little ones are playing video games and eating chicken nugget dinosaurs. I know life is good. It just feels very heavy today. And I keep seeing that girl's face.
Sydney and I found a little dog yesterday. I know, we have enough dogs. But he needed rescued, he almost got hit by cars numerous times, so I went and got him. He is grey, long haired, like a cross between a terrior and a shitzu. All of about 4 pounds. Maybe 3. I gave him a bath last night. He is so cute. Not sure what we are going to do with him.
I think my crazy neighbor called a priest today. On me. Some clergy looking dude was out in front of her house, talking to her and Pedro, and as he was leaving I overheard him say "if you have any more trouble........." Oh god, if she only knew. I don't have the energy tonight. I hope she is watching when Robin and Heather and Loida and me have out little Goddess party on the Equinox and watch us do our spells. I'm just not ready to be zen with her yet. Her and one other person.
Going to go eat some pasta.
Namaste
Today's food: Tamales....................500 calories
Rice and sauce.............................250 calories
Yogurt.......................................170 calories
Pasta........................................300 calories
Sauce.......................................150 calories
Strawberries, 1 1/2 cups.................160 calories
Wine, 3 glasses............................270 calories
______________________________________________
Total.......................................1800 calories
Not so bad for a sad day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 Comments:
I didn't learn to cook until I was 32. And I've only felt like a good cook these past few years! Practice makes perfect.
My mother didn't cook and neither did my grandmother. I dream of one day having my grandchildren at my knee in the kitchen, showing them how to prepare good fresh foods. I will make it a point for them to know how cook.
My kids now aren't intersested in cooking, only what I can cook for them. I exposed them to gourmet cooking early and they love all types of food, I can't think of anything they won't try.
I love that you're being so honest with your food journal. I think 1 galss of wine has 150 cal. though! And where are your veggies?
If you have to eat tamales ( I love them too) make a salad out of them. Eat ONE and cut it into small pieces. Add it to a simple store bought salad w/low cal dressing if you don't have the time to make one. If you have the time, use baby spinach, tomato, diced jalapeno, green onion, 1/2 c. corn, etc. and a low cal dressing. If you heat the tamale up (after dicing) and toss it with the spinach, the heat will wilt the spinach slightly and warm the salad.
And you can always add veggies with the boiling pasta and then drain it all at the same time, then toss it with your sauce. Add small broccoli florets to sliced zucchini and yellow squash about 2-3 min. before pasta is done, 1-2 for swiss chard or even frozen peas and carrots (peas don't really count as a veggie) but you get the idea.
Keep up the positive attitude, life is good. Namaste
Post a Comment