Its Christmas Eve.
Yesterday we woke up and there was thick fog everywhere. It got thinner but lasted all day. It was awesome. Phoenix under a thick blanket of fog is a surreal site. And they said there may be more to come.
So I'm told that the kids aren't having Christmas with dad - they are doing something in January. Why? Because dad doesn't have enough money for presents. I worked 11 out of 14 nights - twelve hours shifts - eight of them in a row - so I could make 2 house payments on the same paycheck that Christmas is on, AND have enough money for a good Christmas, and still have money to live on for 2 weeks.
Lets see................ I pay for all of the his kid's expenses (electricity, water, hot water, school clothes, school lunches, gas for transportation, car payment so they have a nice vehicle, car insurance, any medical or dental expenses that come up, food for 7 people),
and I had to make $2500 for house payments over and above what I needed for Christmas and living expenses this paycheck.
And dad has two jobs, a boat, is supporting one person, and is an electrician - and apparently has to celebrate Martin Luther King Day instead of Christmas because he can't afford presents.
Oh, but that $100 a week that the state makes you pay me should help alot. Thanks Kirk.
I just went to the cemetary and put a little tree and shiny garland around my dad's stone. The ground hasn't healed yet where they dug, and you can still see the rectangular outline of the hole. I've been thinking about my dad alot lately, way more than I did when he first died. Probably because it is Christmastime. I keep seeing him they way he used to be. Then sometimes I see him really sick. I try not to think about the sick time. I don't have to buy any presents for him this year. That makes me sad. He used to love opening presents. He never would have admitted that, but you could tell. The more the better, so I'd always get lots of little things. Little mechanical things. This last year he could barely open the things I got. Those were the things my mom basically threw at me a couple of months ago. "Here's all the stuff you gave your dad, he only opened one thing.Take them to your house, I have to make room for something." Then she basically threw them down in a pile, and walked away.
It doesn't take much to remember why I'm not talking to her.
I never noticed it before, but the two graves next to him have the names Barrows and Ramirez. These are his neighbors. They are also the last names of two of my friends at work. I hope he is next to friends.
I've pretty much done all my shopping, and got everything I wanted to. Still have to wrap some, did that for like 3 hours last night while watching "The Sound of Music" with Royce. Boy, I haven't seen that movie in YEARS. And I still know all the words to all the songs. Its crazy.
Had some entertainment from Crazy Neighbor. We sat out in the car and watched her one night. She saw us just sitting in the car watching her, and she did this strange-pentacostal-slash-catholic-demon-casting-out thing where she loudly chanted a prayer in her driveway, arms outstretched to heaven, then did all these weird flailing hand motions, beckoning god to protect her house from me. Did it twice. All my kids were watching too. I swear to god it was straight out of the Exorcist.
Probably has something to do with the pentagram I have etched into the ground right next to her house.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."- Ferris Bueller
Do you remember this quote? My kids are growing up right before my eyes. Sydney's going to need a training bra very soon. I told her this, and she-being in complete tomboy denial- said "I'm not going to get boobs." I said, "Do you know who your mother is?" She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and walked off. Boy this one is going to be fun. And my sweet little Tyler. Not so little. 6 feet 2 last time I checked. Everyone tells me, my co-workers at work, Royce, basically everyone who meets him that he is a really good looking kid. I just see Tyler. Women of all ages already love him. Alot of them kind of melt around him. Still - just Tyler to me. And most of the time a pain in my ass. Tyler's friend's girlfriend text messages and calls Tyler constantly - (what a little slut) (I'm going to be a fun mom-of-the-boyfriend aren't I?). He ignores her and is totally irritated with her. My little boy - all grown up and in his first love triangle. I'm so proud. We have a new adopted child also. Matt. Matt just lives down the street and practically lives with us now. He has spent the last 3 nights at our house. Good kid. I like Matt.
My genetic musical talent is finally surfacing. Tyler has mastered more on the guitar in 5 weeks by self instruction than most people could accomplish in a year with lessons. He really is getting very good. I've been playing the piano more too. It kinda sucks cause my sustain pedal is broken. Its like playing a harpsicord. But I've needed to play lately - regardless. It's funny too. I can't play like I used to, but it is still there - dormant. And sometimes I will play something, Chopin, or something complicated, and now Tyler will just look at me with newfound appreciation and "wowness". I'm hoping to play with him sometime. He needs to start singing. But is very against it. He can sing to - I can hear it. Tyler has surprised me. He is sticking with this. I had my doubts, cause I know him. But I'm pleasantly surprised. I'll invest in it if he is serious. I already have. Royce is learning how to play the piano too. I've been helping him some. He has a beginners book and actually learns very fast, especially for an adult. Its like a whole new world opening up to him. And he is sticking with it too.
There is a different feeling in the house with music learning and music practicing. Its something I didn't realize I missed. Something I didn't realize I needed. It feels good.
To all my sisters - Nikki, Heather, Robin, Cathy, Loida - Have a very wonderful and Merry Christmas.
To everyone else - to those of you who maybe still read this - who I know are out there - who I haven't forgotten and still miss - you know who you are - Mike, Karl, Gina - Merry Christmas.
To Trailady and Deb and Creative Soul and all my internet friends - Merry Merry Christmas.
To my new friend Jen - who has recently changed from friend status to sister status to me - I hope you are having a wonderful Chrismas. Thank you for making the 8 nights I worked in a row tolerable and - quite interesting. Merry Christmas.
To Royce and Tyler and Sydney and Lyndsey and Ryan and Cheyenne - you are everything to me - I love you.
Yesterday we woke up and there was thick fog everywhere. It got thinner but lasted all day. It was awesome. Phoenix under a thick blanket of fog is a surreal site. And they said there may be more to come.
So I'm told that the kids aren't having Christmas with dad - they are doing something in January. Why? Because dad doesn't have enough money for presents. I worked 11 out of 14 nights - twelve hours shifts - eight of them in a row - so I could make 2 house payments on the same paycheck that Christmas is on, AND have enough money for a good Christmas, and still have money to live on for 2 weeks.
Lets see................ I pay for all of the his kid's expenses (electricity, water, hot water, school clothes, school lunches, gas for transportation, car payment so they have a nice vehicle, car insurance, any medical or dental expenses that come up, food for 7 people),
and I had to make $2500 for house payments over and above what I needed for Christmas and living expenses this paycheck.
And dad has two jobs, a boat, is supporting one person, and is an electrician - and apparently has to celebrate Martin Luther King Day instead of Christmas because he can't afford presents.
Oh, but that $100 a week that the state makes you pay me should help alot. Thanks Kirk.
I just went to the cemetary and put a little tree and shiny garland around my dad's stone. The ground hasn't healed yet where they dug, and you can still see the rectangular outline of the hole. I've been thinking about my dad alot lately, way more than I did when he first died. Probably because it is Christmastime. I keep seeing him they way he used to be. Then sometimes I see him really sick. I try not to think about the sick time. I don't have to buy any presents for him this year. That makes me sad. He used to love opening presents. He never would have admitted that, but you could tell. The more the better, so I'd always get lots of little things. Little mechanical things. This last year he could barely open the things I got. Those were the things my mom basically threw at me a couple of months ago. "Here's all the stuff you gave your dad, he only opened one thing.Take them to your house, I have to make room for something." Then she basically threw them down in a pile, and walked away.
It doesn't take much to remember why I'm not talking to her.
I never noticed it before, but the two graves next to him have the names Barrows and Ramirez. These are his neighbors. They are also the last names of two of my friends at work. I hope he is next to friends.
I've pretty much done all my shopping, and got everything I wanted to. Still have to wrap some, did that for like 3 hours last night while watching "The Sound of Music" with Royce. Boy, I haven't seen that movie in YEARS. And I still know all the words to all the songs. Its crazy.
Had some entertainment from Crazy Neighbor. We sat out in the car and watched her one night. She saw us just sitting in the car watching her, and she did this strange-pentacostal-slash-catholic-demon-casting-out thing where she loudly chanted a prayer in her driveway, arms outstretched to heaven, then did all these weird flailing hand motions, beckoning god to protect her house from me. Did it twice. All my kids were watching too. I swear to god it was straight out of the Exorcist.
Probably has something to do with the pentagram I have etched into the ground right next to her house.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."- Ferris Bueller
Do you remember this quote? My kids are growing up right before my eyes. Sydney's going to need a training bra very soon. I told her this, and she-being in complete tomboy denial- said "I'm not going to get boobs." I said, "Do you know who your mother is?" She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and walked off. Boy this one is going to be fun. And my sweet little Tyler. Not so little. 6 feet 2 last time I checked. Everyone tells me, my co-workers at work, Royce, basically everyone who meets him that he is a really good looking kid. I just see Tyler. Women of all ages already love him. Alot of them kind of melt around him. Still - just Tyler to me. And most of the time a pain in my ass. Tyler's friend's girlfriend text messages and calls Tyler constantly - (what a little slut) (I'm going to be a fun mom-of-the-boyfriend aren't I?). He ignores her and is totally irritated with her. My little boy - all grown up and in his first love triangle. I'm so proud. We have a new adopted child also. Matt. Matt just lives down the street and practically lives with us now. He has spent the last 3 nights at our house. Good kid. I like Matt.
My genetic musical talent is finally surfacing. Tyler has mastered more on the guitar in 5 weeks by self instruction than most people could accomplish in a year with lessons. He really is getting very good. I've been playing the piano more too. It kinda sucks cause my sustain pedal is broken. Its like playing a harpsicord. But I've needed to play lately - regardless. It's funny too. I can't play like I used to, but it is still there - dormant. And sometimes I will play something, Chopin, or something complicated, and now Tyler will just look at me with newfound appreciation and "wowness". I'm hoping to play with him sometime. He needs to start singing. But is very against it. He can sing to - I can hear it. Tyler has surprised me. He is sticking with this. I had my doubts, cause I know him. But I'm pleasantly surprised. I'll invest in it if he is serious. I already have. Royce is learning how to play the piano too. I've been helping him some. He has a beginners book and actually learns very fast, especially for an adult. Its like a whole new world opening up to him. And he is sticking with it too.
There is a different feeling in the house with music learning and music practicing. Its something I didn't realize I missed. Something I didn't realize I needed. It feels good.
To all my sisters - Nikki, Heather, Robin, Cathy, Loida - Have a very wonderful and Merry Christmas.
To everyone else - to those of you who maybe still read this - who I know are out there - who I haven't forgotten and still miss - you know who you are - Mike, Karl, Gina - Merry Christmas.
To Trailady and Deb and Creative Soul and all my internet friends - Merry Merry Christmas.
To my new friend Jen - who has recently changed from friend status to sister status to me - I hope you are having a wonderful Chrismas. Thank you for making the 8 nights I worked in a row tolerable and - quite interesting. Merry Christmas.
To Royce and Tyler and Sydney and Lyndsey and Ryan and Cheyenne - you are everything to me - I love you.
Peace to you all.
8 Comments:
barb, you are one remarkable woman.
i admire you and hope that i could one day be as good a mother as you.
merry christmas to you and yours,
creative soul
Barb,
Merry Christmas to you too! I am glad music is back in your life...it has such a magical influence!
merry Christmas barb
the box was very unexpected
I cleaned it and it's all set up
thank you so much for thinking of me if I'd been able to I'd have liked to have talked to you, but I hope that you had a wonderful day surrounded with all kinds of love
love you
nic
i hope you and your family had a wonderful holiday.
Hi Angel, Thanks and a very Merry Christmas to you too! This post was very touching to me. For some reason the line where you said, "The ground hasn't healed yet over my Dad's grave" really haunts me. I'm so sorry for your pain...
We had a pretty good Christmas. I had to open the YMCA this morning- yep the morning after Christmas. Fun! I have to open again in the morning, so will have to cut my blogging short for tonight.
Hope you guys are hanging in there. Royce hasn't written anything in a very long time- is he doing okay?
Music is a source of happiness & healing for me. Love Ya, Kiddo!!
c
Barbie,
Go take your psycho neighbor a gift. She what she does.
Hi to Royce, who is a Saint.
To the kids and mostly to you.
Merry Christmas you old coot.
Barb,
Thank you for your thoughts at Christmas and please accept my apology for taking so long to post this. It has been so much fun to get to know you. You are more fascinating and as intriguing as I initially thought when I first worked with you. I'm so glad we've been able to connect and I look forward to those drinks and more chats. May peace be yours this year and I wish you and your family a healthy and prosperous New Year
JennZ
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