Who Nikki? Who? Tell me soon. Email my hotmail.

Green - a much calmer color. Time to type in green.

No one is going to take this place from me. I was tempted to let that happen. Not risk my expressions biting me in the ass, like they just have. But no. I won't let it be taken away. You are right Cathy - this is my place. I still believe that if you put something on the world wide web then it is out there for EVERYONE to read, and if you don't want to be critisized then you probably shouldn't announce it in public. HOWEVER, I stand by everything I ever wrote. I don't want to take any of it back, I just think its really shitty to mess in other people's personal lives. And to cause hurt. This person has no idea what they have done to my mom's life these last couple of days, and my life, and our immediate family, and the repercussions that won't ever go away.

New subject.

I opened an email today, that was sent to me on the 7th. It was so unexpected. You know how when you are really hungry, and haven't eaten for awhile, then eat something even better than you expected? The hunger made it taste so much better. And the stress and sadness lately in my life made this even so much sweeter. I think you want complete privacy, so I won't talk about it here.

Thank you for emailing me. If you are reading this, you know who you are. I am so happy for you. We haven't talked for at least a year, but I think about you more than you know. I miss you. So much. Both of you. Please tell M hi. I love you and am so happy for you. I just opened it, and looked, and gasped. He is beautiful.

And so the Democrats clean House. (Get it, I made a funny). Cleaned it royally. I'm not even a political kinda gal and I was really just mesmerized by it all. A woman Speaker - who woulda thought? This is good for women's rights, and stem cells, and getting our troups home, and getting Bush the hell outta there, and in the mean time at least making him answer to someone, and someone to at least try and make him speak intelligently. This is all very good. I'd say its good for the possibility of getting a woman in office, but at this point that means Condaleeza or Hillary. Both kinda scary.

I did see your pictures Cathy. I love them. They are all so great. I think about you too. I can't believe it has been a year. On Wednesday. I will be thinking about you that day. Is it any easier after a year?

We are getting closer to being "home". All of us, all the kids, actually spent the night in our house last night. I can't be around her. I just can't anymore - not now. The house is not perfect, not even near it, but it felt so good to have everyone in the house and stay the night. Little by little it will happen. I will have my home back.

Thanks for the offer to talk Deb. And Creative Soul - I always feel better after reading your comments.

I will still find you. Still waters run deep. And the longer it takes, the deeper they run. Maybe you should just suck it up and leave me a comment loser. Embrace the same courage you used to call up my mother and leave me a fucking comment. I know you are reading this. I'll find you.