Here's my dilemma. Maybe it will help to write about it. Maybe if some of you could give me some feedback.
I feel like we need to move back down to Phoenix. Royce wants to go to school there, County is offering me insurance now as float pool, and I think my mom really needs us down there. I think us being there, the kids being there alot will directly affect how well and happy she is. I think it will make a world of difference to have the kids, especially Ryan, over to see her on a daily basis, watching tv with her, hanging out at the house, her fixing food from time to time. Me visiting her. And if something goes wrong at her house, she gets a flat tire, she gets sick, something breaks at the house, then we are there. I feel like I need to be down close to her to be a good daughter. I feel it will directly affect her health. I don't feel she will be ok in that house all by herself everyday and everynight. And the kids will have a yard again. And I will be in my house again. Or we could try to rent a really nice apartment close to her, and sell the house. I can't make two house payments. So if I'm not living in it I need to sell it. I have mixed feelings about selling it.
On the other hand, I feel like Prescott is a better place for the kids. It is safer, and nicer, and the apartment we have now is so much nicer than the house. None of us want to live next to Teresa again. And the house is so bad, it needs so much work. It needs carpet, and painted, and the bathroom fixed, and exterminated. So much work before I will move my kids back in there. It can be done though, and I'm sure we could ignore Teresa once again. The house could be fixed up really nice if we set our minds to it. And we would be back home again. There was so much I was moving away from. I'm not thrilled with the schools by our house. And the neighborhood is not good. But it is home.
I feel like moving back into the house is the easiest thing. Royce can go to school without an hour and a half drive commute each way, we will be by my mom, and it is my house that I own. And everyone will be ok with moving back except Tyler and Royce. Tyler wants a nice apartment in Phx. And Royce is willing to move back in order to go to school. But I'm not sure moving back is best for the kids. We both felt the energy so strong to move here. That it was the right thing. But now my dad is gone, and I feel we need to be back there.
I am torn. Leaning toward moving. I'm know that what is really important is not the physical house, but the home that we create. Maybe this is what I should focus on. And try to do the right thing.
I think we are moving back. But I don't want to leave this beautiful place. I just wish I could decide for sure.
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3 Comments:
I'm sure you will end up doing whatever is best for you and your family... good luck making the final decision, believe me i know it's tough.
You got a great man!
the answer is in your heart.
we all know the need to make sacrifices.
yes, your mom needs you, but she also needs time to grieve on her own. and if she isnt asking you to come back, youre doing it only for your peace of mind.
i dont envy you that you have to make this decision. its tough, but i believe that in the end, the right decision will come. may not be the easiest, but its the right one.
id stay, give it a shot, see how it goes. if youre still moved to leave after 6 months, then that would be the right choice.
good luck, and please let me know.
I hear your dilemmam Angel. You are a good and caring person who wants to help. I've been there, done that many times for my Mom. However, from what you have told me, your Mom has some major issues that I don't think have been resolved.
If you feel that you have forgiven your mother and she can accept you for who you are and treat you decently, then by all means move back and take care of her.
However, you have to think about the future, up-coming generation and what is best for them. Your mother has lived out most of her life now. Yes, she has more to live, but your first focus always has to be your kids and their future and well-being. Will it be a healthy situation for them? Or are they going to be getting lectured on how to live, eat, dress and is she going to bring up to them the ways she feels you are screwing up your life?
I'm not trying to be mean here- just trying to think objectively.
I know your instincts to protect and care for your mother are very strong right now because of the recent loss of your Dad, but don't allow that to cause a knee-jerk reaction. You wanted out of Phoenix, you got out, now you want to go back??
It's your life and you have to do what you feel is best, but BIG decisions like this are not good to make in the midst of tragedy when emotions tend to overpower good reasoning. Maybe because you miss your Dad so much, you are feeling sentimental and long to be close to your Mom as a way of feeling closer to him. But I'd hate to see you move back down there and have the warm-fuzzies fade in a month's time and then regret your decision and have to move AGAIN.
Remember, you don't need her approval anymore and you don't have anything to prove to her or anyone else that you really are a good daughter by making this huge sacrifice.
I agree with Creativesoul- give it some time. Breathe. Everyone just needs to finish mourning and take everything into perspective for a little bit...
Sorry, but I just have major warning lights going off in my head since your Mom treated you pretty badly during the dying process. If you think it's even a remote possibility that she will be verbally/emotionally/spiritually abusive to you or your kids, baby don't go there...
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