I think we are moving to Prescott. I filled out an application at Yavapai Regoinal Medical Center yesterday and it really looks like they are going to hire me. They were really happy to see me. I think the exact words of the human resources girl to her supervisor were "I have a real live labor and delivery nurse in my office right now." They must really be short. So I may find out Monday. I don't know any of the details, where we will live, how soon we will go, what we will do with this house. All I know is I don't want to be here anymore. I can't handle my neighbors. No one will help us with them. Teresa (mother, about 45) and Amelia(daughter, about 21) live in living conditions that are making us sick just by living next to them. The house smells so bad. And Nira (the grandmother, (about 85)who lives next to them on the other side - 2 doors down from us) constantly yells cuss words at my kids when she sees them in the front yard. She called Sydney a bitch yesterday while we were gone. I just can't take it anymore. And I don't want to live by my mom anymore. We don't fight anymore, cause I stay away. She acts like she can barely stomach talking to me when we do. She acts like she really can't stand me and everything I do is irritating. Peggy comes over about once a week. Everytime she comes over my mom is happy, and even if she was having a bad day, she gets in a good mood. Everytime she sees me she is irritated. I don't want to leave my dad, but there is nothing I can do to help him. He is not him anyhow. He is a shell, with his face and voice, and body. But its not him. He barely knows who I am most of the time. I just can't live like this anymore. There is a better place out there. And the heat. I just can't handle my circumstances anymore. Its time to go.

I told royce yesterday on the way up to Prescott, I'm ready to jump in the pool even if I don't know if there is water in it, just for the possibility that the water is cool.

I'm ready to jump.

I'm not going to leave County completely, I will drive down and do like a shift a week. That way the kids can come down to see Kirk, and we can see our family and friends here too.

My dad has lived here since 1971. He moved here from West Virginia because of his allergies. He has always hated it. Hated the heat, hated the pace, hated the scenery, hated the whole valley. But he stayed, because of his job, his kids, his house, cause it was the "right thing" to do. He loved going up to Prescott for campmeeting. He loved getting out of the valley. I remember when he was really frustrated with the dirty air, or heat, or traffic, he would say "I'm going to drive up to Sunset Point ( a very nice rest stop/ truck stop right out of the valley),
I'm going to drive up there and just sit there. I hate this place." But he never did. He always did the 9 to 5, work your ass off for nothing, just to exist in the rat race hell of Phoenix. And he did it for me and Peggy. To provide for us. He always talked of moving to Oregon or Washington. Someplace cool, someplace quiet.

My dad is still here. Only now he is sick, terminally - one does not get better from Parkinson's, he can't travel, hell- he can't even go to church. Now he is dying in the place that he hated so much. It breaks my heart.

Not me. Ready to jump.