I'd like to say Happy Birthday. It is today, if I remember right. I usually have a pretty good memory - for things like that. I wish I could call, and say Happy Birthday, but its not like that anymore. I still remember going and seeing Nemo. We laughed so hard, so hard we were crying, we were still laughing when we got home, I think my mom thought we were drunk we were laughing so hard. I thought about calling, but you aren't very good at faking it. I can hear it in your voice. I thought we would always be friends.

I hate what you did, I don't understand it, part of me hates part of you for it, but alot of me just misses you.

Happy Birthday.

Trailady, thank you for your comment. It is profound. I just don't think I'm there yet, and I don't know how to get there. It is so where I need to be though. I think you are totally right. I don't want to regret. I regret enough. I don't know how to get where you are. I really really appreciate your words. They made me think alot - still thinking.

leaving the ball in their court. Its an amazing concept. I haven't been leaving the ball, I've been spiking it.

On the way up to the cabin on Friday I was talking to Royce. I was thinking about all the friendships that have been damaged. Every single one of them were very close to me at one point. Let's see - T, C, P, K, M, G, and my mom. I can think of each one and still see where I was right. Where I was wronged. Is the common denominator that they were all wrong, or how I handled something I didn't like?

Then I start thinking maybe I've just let the wrong ones in. If I was very careful then maybe I would never have gotten that close. And never lost.

All in all you were all just bricks in the wall.

And the wall goes up.