This is in response to you telling me you are almost out of my life ------ again ----- ( your comment on my 3/29 post).
I never said I wanted you gone. I wanted honesty.
And until you can be honest with your wife you have no business telling me I'm living an unchristian life, or that "your" Jesus is the Way.
You probably even told her that the reason I'm upset is because you broke my heart and I never got over you. Oh My God, if she only knew. But she likes her blinders. I'm sure she will swallow whatever bullshit you feed her. How could anyone NOT be in love with her perfect husband? Poor girl.
Your blog may not be for private issues, but mine is for whatever the FUCK I want it to be for.
You are arrogant.
And self-righteous.
And dishonest.
And not a friend.
You are just another brick in the wall.
Thanks for showing me Jesus character.
Oh and by the way ------ Happy Sabbath.
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This is the absolute last bit of energy I am using on this issue of mine. It is done - it is over. I am sorry if I hurt anyone by venting my own issues.
Keeping the child and vulture in mind.
http://www.deviantart.com/view/154583/
(my post on 3/27 - http://somethinglikelifeblog.blogspot.com/2006/03/life-is-funny.html )
This picture is something I am repeatedly going back to. It haunts me. It is changing how I live. How I think. How I love. Who I am.
**************************************peace peace peace peace peace peace peace
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Today is Michelle's daughter's funeral. And Mary Ann's goodbye party (worked at County for like a gazillion years). And my Cheyanna's birthday.
Lots of different energy. Sadness and goodbye. Goodbye to a friend. And celebrating a perfect beautiful life. That me and Royce made.
Enough bad energy. I choose only positive thoughts and beautiful things today. Presents, cake, playing in the park, and family.
I'll write tonight about today.
Peace
2 Comments:
I read a couple of posts on the sharon website and read what you've read here. I know it's my personal opinion and you are certainly more informed than I but let go of Karl. As long as you are looking for any sort of semblance of approval from people who believe in what amounts to be the opposite of what you are coming to see as truth you will be in conflict with him. He will never be comfortable telling his wife what happened between you 2 and unless I am wrong (which it's fine if I am, I'm inserting my opinion in something that's not my business except that you're my best sister friend) was a long ass time ago. You and he are never ever going to see the same way. You will always want him to admit to something that he will never admit to. He judged me a long time ago for something that was not true and has an opinion of my own life that I can only imagine has nothing to do with reality. I dont' care. We don't know each other any more and it doesn't matter. I know you care because you have a history but this is one of those parts where you let go because you HAVE to let go because he will not enhance your life by continuing to be in it. I am sorry, I know that's rude, but it is my opinionated opinion. You deserve people in your life who are mature and secure enough to admit who they are and what they've done, not hide behind rituals and that's what the majority of the religions out there do, and it's what is going to keep you and Karl from being friends again. Disregard some, all or none of this but you know it's coming from me because I love you and I don't want you to hurt. Don't waste another minute of your precious life and time on him. Be done. Be happy.
I love you.
Nic
Nikki, thank you for what you said. I don't think you were rude, I think you were honest. I don't disregard any of it because it is coming from you. Your words and opinions mean alot. I am letting go. Thank you for putting it in my face bluntly, it helps me put it in better perspective. I'm hurt and angry at the same time. But it is too stupid to waste any more energy on. I think you are right. There will always be conflict because we see life two different ways and believe different things. And we all need to surrround ourselves with people who support us, not bring us down or lie. Its too bad that people can't be friends despite differences. I guess thats what true friends are - people who accept you and love you even though you are different from them. Thanks for always being a true friend. Its over. Don't worry. No more energy spent.
Maybe someday I will truly learn the fact that people are going to do what people are going to do.
I still care alot about Karl. As I'm sure you understand. Just because people aren't in your life anymore doesn't mean you don't miss them.
I got the stuff for your box. Will write more later, I'm at work. I'm so excited about sending it. I'll blog some stuff about it before I send it.
Love you too.
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