The more I know people, the more I like my dog. Don't get me wrong, I have never been much of a dog person. Grew up with cats, love cats, never really had a dog. And the first few experiences I had with dog ownership have been really bad. But we got Tebony last Christmas for Sydney(he looks like a chihuahua, but is about 5 times bigger than one, we call him the Giant Chihuahua, yes Sydney named him, I think it was supposed to be a version of "Ebony", but with a "T"). It has been really good, and we all love him. Occasionally I will take him for a walk. About 2 months ago I was out walking Tebs, and a big black lab followed me, and followed me all the way home. I tried to shoo him away at first, but he was very persistant. Now this dog had been living in the neighborhood as a stray for about 2 weeks. We had seen him living in the alleys and empty lots, always looking for food, obviously abandoned or lost. He was very street smart, very good at crossing busy streets. A definate street dog. After seeing him up close you could tell he had been someone's pet, he was beautiful, healthy, shiny deep pure black. He followed me home and has not left since. He instantly bonded to the kids, especially the 2 little ones, Ryan and Shi Shi. I named him Shadow, thinking we might be able to keep him. He has never expressed one ounce of agressiveness towards any of the kids, or me or Royce. In fact, that first day we had him, he allowed Cheyenne to take food out of his mouth, even after he had been on the streets for at least 2 weeks and probably very hungry. He instantly claimed me, and instantly loved the rest of the family. I wasn't too crazy about it at first, not sure I wanted another dog. I didn't like how he jumped all over me, sniffed my hand every time he saw me, tore trash apart and constantly wanted in the house, even jumped through windows to get in. But Royce instantly loved him and wanted very badly to keep him. So I decided to just deal with it, but wasn't very happy about it. I think the turning point happened with Doug. Doug was over, about 4 or 5 days after Shadow came, and it was the first time Shadow had ever seen him. At this point Shadow had totally bonded with the kids, was sleeping inside, and everything. Doug was rough-housing with Ryan. Picking him up, throwing him in the air. Just play roughing him up. Nothing inappropriate. Ryan loves Doug and was totally loving it. But Shadow didn't see it that way. First Shadow got closer to them, and just kind of stood there, very concerned - and watching, no tail wagging. Royce picked up on it, and warned Doug. "You better stop doing that, I don't think the dog likes it." Doug didn't think much of it, and ignored the warning. He sat down on the couch to rest, and Shadow went directly over, put his head right in Doug's crotch, about 2 inches from his testicles, and proceeded to growl this long, low growl. Like any smart man, Doug quietly put Ryan down, and Royce moved Shadow. That was it. The dog is staying. He won me over right there. I knew he would protect my children. I started to think, maybe having this dog wasn't such a bad thing after all. So a few days later, I bought him a collar. And occasionally took him for a walk. He had obviously been on a leash before, pulled a little, but listened well and behaved well. He is very strong, and could totally pull out of the leash, but never tried. Not even to chase a cat. I've been trying to get in shape for awhile, and been more serious about it lately. I don't like how much I weigh, and I've been having some other symptoms, like my blood pressure is slowly going up ( sometimes 160's over like 96 - yeah I know, I'm a nurse), and recently I've started having some chest pain and dizziness, once like 2 weeks ago, and then again about 3 days ago. After Mr. Brubaker, its really starting to scare me. And I know I have a biological cousin that dropped dead of a heart attack at like 35 years old. How old am I again? I keep thinking, it can't be heart problems, young 20 something people don't have heart problems. Then wait -I'm not in my 20's anymore, I'm half way through my 30's. Yeah. And I really want to change how I look. Royce loves me how I am, but I know I could look so much better. Have you seen Marisa Tomei? She's like 40. And Demi Moore? It's getting really inexcusible (is that a word?) to me. And now I'm having some cardiac symptoms. So enough is enough. I started jogging again. I started last spring, then it got hot, so I quit. I would take Tebs with me then. I never thought I could jog, so never did it. I never thought is was possible with my bust size, which was always huge, and after kids has just increased to overwhelming proportions. Never though jogging was a good idea because of the girls. And let's face it, in my neighborhood (emphasis on the "HOOD" part) a pair of 38 double D's bouncing up and down as I jog down Van Buren by myself at any time of day is probably not a very good idea. Regardless of the area, I love my neighborhood. It is my home. I have always gone for walks, but not without guys honking, yelling, turning their car around 3 or 4 times and telling me to get in. I would always walk against traffic, so no one could sneak up behind me and force me into their car. I've had to cross the street many times in the middle of the road because guys keep turning around to come up behind me. I've had them pull off, wait down the road, and wait for me to walk past their car. And some guys are really agressive. Some get really pissed if you don't get in or speak to them. If you just keep walking. The peel out, screeching their tires. I 've been literally propositioned for sex for money a couple of times. Once by a cabbie who blocked my way with his car, and everytime I would walk forward he would move his car a little, trying to persuade me to get in. Royce was out of town, our phone was out, and I was just trying to walk to 7-11 to make a phone call to call him. Its so fucking annoying. I've had to take alternate routes to my house so they won't know where I live, down a different street, down an alley. I know its the area, Van Buren will always be notorious for prostitutes, but it is also my home, my space, and I refuse to let stupid people control whether I can go for a walk or not. I'm just not stupid about it. I don't wear mini skirts, or heels, I always look like I am walking with a purpose, I try to appear to be exercizing, and I don't go in the middle of the night, and I can't wear any shirt that is remotely fitted. I will have to change what I'm wearing to go for a walk. Annoying, but necessary for safety. Its all good, I've gotten used to it. It always helps if I have a stroller with me, or a couple of the kids. And if Royce goes with me there is never a problem. But alot of times I just want to be by myself. Is that so wrong? And these are the reactions I get when I simply WALK down the street. These are the reactions minus the jiggly, double D, Pamela Anderson factor. So jogging by myself really hasn't been an option. Until now. I've been taking Shadow with me. There is something about a big black lab that make people leave you alone. I can go jogging now. By myself. I feel safe. OMG I never thought I would be able to do this. I didn't even have to change my shirt into some oversized shirt of Royce's. It is so liberating. And jogging is so good for you. I feel so good after I do it. I get a high that you can't get from just walking. NO ONE bothers me now. And I can go at sunset, my very most favorite time of day. And Shadow has given this to me. Shadow has given me freedom. And security. It is such a gift that this dog has given to me. And who knows how many things he will prevent from happening, someone breaking into the house, someone taking one of my kids, someone hurting one of the kids, someone hurting me. He may have already prevented something from happening in the short time that he has been here. I was so touched by him the other day. It was basically the first time he was out walking with me that we had to cross a very busy street at the cross walk. And it was dark. As we were in the crosswalk, he got very nervous, stopped a couple of times, very tentative, ready to run. Every fiber of his being, all of his instinct was telling him that he should not be there. He should only cross the street when the cars are far away, and here they are right next to him, lights in his face, lots of noise, cars turning fast close to him. Everything was telling him this was wrong. Very, very wrong. I kept talking to him, reassuring him, coaxing him across. He overcame every desire to obey his instinct, his survival instinct that has been bred into him since the beginning of time, because his desire to please me was more important to him. It made me realize how lucky I am to have him, and how important I am to him. What Shadow has given me is priceless - he has given me safety, security, freedom, protection, and companionship. And all he wants in return, all that makes him deliriously happy, all it takes to completely fulfill him is a pat on the head, food to eat, a warm place to sleep, and the occasional kind word. Not a bad deal. Dogs love us unconditionally. Shadow found me. He knew I needed him. He knew our family needed him.

Yeah. The more I know people, the more I like my dog.

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Question # 3. Do our pets have souls? Do dogs have souls? If there is a heaven, will our pets be there? Are not loyalty, love, companionship, guilt and remorse (I've seen dogs feel guilty, you betcha), and pure bliss the components of our souls? I know alot of pets that are alot better than alot of people I know.

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I started this year out at 168 pounds. Yeah, there's honesty for ya. My weight displayed on the world wide web. I'm going to try to jog everyday that I am not working, do regular resistance training with Royce, and change my diet. Yesterday we went to the co-op and bought a bunch of organic stuff. I'm not liking the chemicals and hormones that they put in stuff (did you know that they put human genes in vegetables to make the skin stronger, I never knew this, it kinda grosses me out), and I don't like the way animals are treated at the meat farms. I don't like how they are forced to live and I don't like how they die. If I really feel this way I should back it up with how I live. And I really don't like putting that stuff in my body. I don't feel good. I'm going to see if I feel better living like this. And I feel like I shouldn't give some of that stuff to my kids. It is more expensive, so that may be a little challenging. And I'm sure I will have days when I slip up, sometimes you just gotta have that cheese burger. But I think I'm on the brink of a very different lifestyle. We'll see. I will keep my progress posted on here. 168 pounds now. I need to lose about 50.