Listening to: Redneck Woman - Gretchen Wilson ( reminds me of you Valerie), Need You Tonight - INXS, Closer - Nine Inch Nails, Dream On - Aerosmith, Blaze of Glory (always reminded me of you Karl, always thought we should sing it together, the harmony is incredible) and You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi, Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand, White Lines (remember that song?????????) - Grand Master Flash, I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance, Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd, Personal Jesus and Tainted Love (remember that commercial with the guy on the operating room table that flatlines?) - Marilyn Manson, Cat Scratch Fever - Ted Nugent.
My clusterfuck Napster list.
Wow .....................that's weird.
Musical chaos. My controlled chaos. Makes total sense to me though.
I'll stand barefooted in my own frontyard with a baby on my hip.
I keep my Christmas lights on on my front porch all year long.
HELL YA !!!!!
You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you
Help me
I broke apart my insides
Help me
I’ve got no soul to sell
Help me
The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god
You can have my isolation
You can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith
You can have my everything
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
And I have become comfortably numb
Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who cares
Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who's there
These lyrics, words, totally sum up me right now. Where I'm at. Especially closer and comfortably numb.
4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4
The other day I heard "Word Up", by Korn. Weird. Like it. I was dying. Korn is fastly becoming some of my very favorite music. Life is strange. Never knew any of Korn. Always associated it with my nephews suicide. He was 16. Shotgun. Close range to the neck, jugular. Horrific. I've seen, I know exactly what it probably looked like. Saw some pictures in a book my friend Jason had for his crime scene photography class. Sometimes I wonder what dark place my brother goes to. It was the last thing he was listening to. I've finally been able to separate that fact from how much I really like how they sound.
Strangely and frightenly surprises me how well I can sing Redneck Woman, and how much I enjoy it. I guess my roots are showing.
The other day I found myself listening to Amy Grant - Arms of Love, Raining on the Inside, and Sandi Patti. Boy do those songs take me back. Sometimes to a specific place and time. I love those songs. Yeah, I know ..............that's weird. But I do.
You need to go to this link. One of the funniest things I've seen. If you are a die hard Star Wars fan like me it will kill you. Tyler showed it to me. I think Lee showed it to him. Yoda on the drums. Dancing Stormtroopers. Anikan - he's so hot.
I love it. Star Wars video mod
Karl, I know you don't get any of this. Do you remember Festival? Come on now, I know you do. Do you remember The Imperial March? I was up on the riser, you remember - percussion. I could feel the power. I still remember that. That dark, powerful, ominous, wonderful power. Thats what this is. Humor me. Try to understand. I know you remember. I know you know.
I need to have a favorite quotes section. Quotes I use alot. Not always meaninfully. But nonetheless alot.
"I lovely cheese pizza. Just for me."
"Little Nancy Calihan. She grew up. She filled out."
"SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET"
"Life is short. If you don't pay attention, you might just miss it", not quoted exactly, sorry.
(Know where these are from? Anyone? Anyone?)
Cathy, my heart is with you.
Dawn, I wouldn't be in charge anymore either. Fuck them. Gee its funny how when you make a habit of firing people you end up breaking your neck. Karma at its best.
Suzie and Tara, I wish you would write to me.
Gina, I miss you.
Nikki, my sister. That says everything. I have a new respect and gratitude for Barnes and Noble. They saved me alot of pain.
Heather, you are in my head tonight. I think everything here you get. If I relate to anyone right now its you.
Royce, I'm sorry. I love you. I need you tonight.
Tyler, thank you for helping me do copying and pasting. Doug, thank you in advance for destressing me and helping me move my profile.
Well, time for a little Diana Krall. Yeah, I know, far from Korn. Think I might do a little piano tonight.
Peace
1 Comments:
My cat had a stroke on Tuesday night, they say he has 6 months to live. I'll write about it on my blog but I thought I'd tell you I was sad. Yes, you know, no matter how much time passes and whatever we do, no matter where we end up we still are related. And still too dangerous to not be friends. I love you too. I sent the letter. Dont' expect a reply but just in case you get a repentant a-hole on your doorstep asking you and Tyler for forgiveness, know it was sent. You know me, always with a cape and always out to save the world. I love the music list. You MUST listen to the last 2 songs on NIN's latest one. Listen and think. Kyle thinks it's weird that I write things out here for anyone to read. I say, hey, I think it's good for me. And I like seeing what other's think. Besides, I only got into this because of you. And we get to talk this way. May I recommend Radiohead to you. Fake Plastic Trees. Good song. Also Backdrifting. I think that's the title. I always get it wrong and Kyle corrects me. For instance I called NIN's Hurt "Dirt" for years and he still laughs at me for that. Oh well. I'm ok with that. Glad you got a car. I don't want Keaton to die. He is 12 1/2 and the closest thing to a child for me. This is why I won't have kids. Out of 1000 reasons to NOT have kids (for me) this is reason number 2 - how bad it hurts to lose things you're close to. This is just a cat, I cant' imagine being a mom. I got the pictures. Tyler, you're a little man!! Ok, I know not little, but it amazes me. I still have a picture of you in a cow costume. I promise not to pinch your cheeks and say "you're so grown up" but let me say, you and Lindsay look like your momma. And of course miss Syd. How can I forget you? My namesake. :) I need more pictures woman. Ryan and Chy Chy. Please. OK, well, I will go now. Yes, the picture is good, the best I think I've taken. It was this Spring. I have the damn sad eyes from the father side of the family. Oh well, you and I know it's the melancholy in me. Goes well with the Aquarian cape don't ya think?
Love you
kr
ps I wore purple scrubs to work today and when I saw myself in the mirror I realized I look like goddamn Barney. *sigh* Could be worse I guess, could be Tinky Winky.
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