This new year, 2006, I think I'm going to take a suggestion from my best friend's blog, --- to Question Everything. I'm going to consistently post questions on here. I want answers from anyone and everyone, friends, enemies, annoymous, whoever. Questions that don't necessarily have right or wrong answers, questions about life, spirituality, the unknown, ethics, beauty, anything and everything, silly, intellectual, complicated, controversial, different points of view, taboo, unexceptable, children's, anything. Maybe not everyday, but consistently.
Today is my wedding anniversary. Two years ago Royce and I got married. It was at Papago Park, outside, on a beautiful day, by a lake, with maybe 25 - 30 of our closest friends and family. The ceremony was simple, sincere and beautiful. There were ducks in the background, along with the sounds of my children and their friends playing. I remember the sounds of my children. My good friend Phil performed the ceremony, we became husband and wife by his words. My only regret is that my very best friend Nikki couldn't be there. But I know she was in spirit. We stood in front of only people that are closest in our hearts and promised. I remember the intensity of standing there, facing my Royce, grasping his hand as tightly as he was grasping mine, and looking into his eyes. My eyes never leaving his, or my hands, as we promised. We promised our love, loyalty and our souls. It felt like we were the only ones standing there. I have never intended to keep a promise as much as I did that day. And still do. Royce and I did not go into this marriage thing lightly. Neither one of us is a big believer in the institution of marriage. He came to me that day as someone who was giving up many dreams that were very important to everything he is, that would now never be realized, in exchange - for me. He was exchanging a life of being carefree, for one with overwhelming responsibilities - to be with me. I was the only prize at the end of the rainbow. He somehow unselfishly came to the conclusion that my life, with all its complications and responsibilities, and limits, was worth more to him than his dreams, because it included me. I came to him that day, a very independent, very stubborn, cautious woman who didn't trust anyone, but knew in my heart I couldn't be happy without him. And Royce, and everything he is was worth more to me than my issues, more than my independence, and more than my fears. I married him not because I wanted to get married ( I had NEVER wanted to be married again), I married him because I wanted to be married to HIM. Its very scary to give that much of yourself to someone, to make yourself that vulnerable and naked. I wore a purple sheer/satinny dress with little moons and stars on it. The material changed colors in the sun. Inside I carried our beautiful Shi Shi, a perfect product of both of us; she was there too. And my precious, beautiful Ryan got a Dad that day. Officially. We had a small, simple lunch for our friends, with candles and a couple bouquets of flowers. We laughed, and we visited. I don't think I have had a more perfect day. We both look back on it as just the perfect day. Its a great place to look back on when times are hard. Phil told us that day that we had the chance to do something amazing and wonderful.
I love you very, very much Royce, with all of my heart. I will always be faithful to you and love you. I never ever thought I would have someone like you. You are still too good to be true, and I still have to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming. All of my girlfriends are still as envious as hell. You are my knight in shining armour. You rescued me. You've rescued me from danger, from real physical danger, from reality, from lonliness, from being a single parent, from untrust, and from myself. I am proud and grateful to be your wife, and hope that I am still worth all of those things you gave up. I love you. Happy Anniversary Baby.
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Here's my first question.
Question # 1. Is there such thing as a soulmate? What is the definition of a soulmate? It it does exist, is there only one? What if you never find them? How do you know when you do find them?
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2 Comments:
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I so wish I could have been there, yes in spirit but better in person to see the stars not only on your dress but in your eyes. I am so glad you have each other.
And honored to be called a sister/friend. Even more honored that my ideas would inspire you.
So, here it goes: the soul mate question. I believe that there are people out there that just fit us. People with whom we have an instant connection and this doesn't mean a sexual attraction (although that may be there too) but a deep, soul connection. I know for a fact as I have had this happen in my life. In fact I have had the pleasure to meet a handfull of people who I am connected to at my very core. But an even deeper connection is rare. I dont' think that it just happens once, I think it's like being struck by lightning, once you've gotten struck you're more likely to get struck again. But it is as rare as that. I also believe, and this is the MOST important part of what I will say about this, that when you find this soul-mate you should do whatever you possibly can to keep them in your life. I missed an opportunity a long time ago to keep the first one I met and I will always have a scar where we were pulled apart. But, like I said, I also believe that we're not limited to the one, maybe we do only get to meet just one but I don't think that's the limit.
Ok, I would ramble on more but well, I will let someone else have a shot. Angel, I responded to your comments on my site.
kr
Soulmate.
I think your soul seeks a mate. It is inherent. Human nature. I don't believe that two people are meant for each other. I do however believe that people hang onto strings of anything in common and rejoice in those commonalities.
The whole - "You complete me" thing. Complete yourself dumshit. Don't rely on anyone. People will disappoint you. When those who don't disapoint you leave you, by choice or not, you will be alone with yourself once again. So, find your purpose.
If that happens to include your best friend. Good for you. You are the lucky one. Maybe you are not lucky. Maybe you just settled. Maybe you live in Poe Dunk Alabama and everyone went away. Maybe you married the other kid in the neighborhood you had so much in common with. Maybe you are from Africa your dowry was too much for your lover and you were sold to the highest bidder. Maybe you are an Iraqi woman who voted for the first time this year, then went home and made unlevened bread for your husband who just returned from masterminding a road side bombing. Maybe you think you are soulmates and try everything short of killing each other to make it work. Can you love each other when the shutters are baning on the window? Can you still have adoration in your heart when your picking up his dirty underwear? Can you still think she's attractive when she has not showered for two days and gains weight? Call it a soulmate.
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