Merry Festivis

So its been awhile. Been busy. At the end of October I fell and hurt myself. Didn't realize it at the time - and I'm not going to describe the fall - it was pretty bad and humiliating. I turn 40 and fall apart. Its horrible. So I fell. On my left side. Started having migraines - serious ones, and back pain. I almost couldn't work it was so bad. Especially at 4 am after 9 hours of work. So I finally went to the doctor. And started physical therapy. I am doing much better. PT is wonderful - I feel like it fixed me. I absolutely have to get in shape and change things - cause a simple little fall like that totally set me back. I had no reserve. It kind of opened my eyes.

On November 12th my mom fell outside on the sidewalk and cracked her knee-cap in half. She was completely immobile for about a week - and if you know my mom you know how ridiculous that statement is. So the kids and I have been staying with her since then. Its been very rough on her. I got my lisence back - had to after that, so I have been the only one driving. Very good to have it back though.

About a week after that Tyler had to go the the ED - couldn't breathe and in agonizing pain. They diagnosed pneumonia, a golf ball sized spot that was so low it would only show up on CT and not on an x-ray. And it was pressing up against his spine. He did a course of antibiotic at home, was still sick, went back to ER, and it was still there on CT and had migrated some. So he is still sick. But I am seeing him alot more - he has been home alot (well, my mom's with us), and it is very nice to be around him more. I missed him alot.

On December 1st, got a call from the school that Ryan fell and got hurt. Got to the school, his best friend Chris had knocked him off a chair at recess. He was in pain and didn't have full range of motion with his left arm. Went to Urgent Care, and because of how he was acting they declined to even do any X-ray and sent him straight to Phoenix Children's Hospital. He broke his little collar bone. He is doing much better now.

So, yeah. Lots of injuries and sickness. Been a rough few months. Hell, its been a bad year. But I think it over. Hope.

Needless to say, work was missed, and Christmas will be slim. I'm just hoping at this point that everyone makes it to Chrismas alive.

Its been hard to take care of me lately. But I know I need to. Things are changing. Inside. Slowly losing the desire to have an opinion. Not caring like I used to - except about my inner circle. Not caring about people in general. I've trained myself to be a not very nice person. Maybe its just a protective shell. When you don't care you can't get hurt. And when you are on the defensive, no one sneaks up on you. Not going out anymore - spending way more time with the kids. Having alot of mommy-guilt though. Life has a way of catching up to you. The things you neglected don't just go away.

Its weird being "back home". We will probably only be at my mom's for about another week - when she can start driving again. In the last few months gotten really close with the kids. And like I said, Tyler is back home.

Been missing my dad alot lately. Alot of the Christmas songs remind me of him.

Been so distracted with everyone's health, that personal things are suffering. I think I can finally breathe though now.

The weather has been eutopic. Beautiful, clouds, rain, fog, cool air - wonderful. Enough to lift my spirit and heart.

Been in touch with two of my sisters, Amber and Tara. Which is really nice.

But I'm with Angelina. Hate the holidays. Ok, I don't hate them. But they are way overrated and over stressful, and I can't wait for them to be over. Is that hate? The only good part is watching the kids love it.

So, Merry Festivis everyone. Whatever you celebrate, I really hope it good for you this year.

Merry, Merry Festivis.