I am feeling a sense of hope and rebirth inside me.
The last year in general, and New Year's Eve, have been bad for me.
Alot of this is my own doing.
I'm feeling a sense of change, and of good things.
I don't usually make "Resolutions"
I feel somehow they are hollow and are a set up for failure.
I want .................. The Good Life.
To many people this reference means money.
And surely money can be involved.
But I mean more of a quality of life.
Like the quote that I have had here since day one.
Life's journey to the grave.
Good things.
Doing the right things, and enjoying life to the fullest.
This does not happen accidentally.
I am choosing everyday to invest in my qualitly of life.
Exercise.
Yoga.
Wicca.
Going to work faithfully.
Working some overtime.
Paying bills.
Getting financially sound.
Spending time with my family.
Working toward a great vacation later this year.
My relationship.
Peace of mind.
Peace.
Everyday doing something that contributes to these.
And never doing something that doesn't.
I look at the people around me. At work.
I have a great job.
There is nothing different about their lives and mine,
except consequences of bad decisions I have made.
The houses they live in.
The vacations they take.
The cars they drive.
Their recreation time.
Most of the nurses live very high quality lives because of the money they make.
They have beautiful homes.
Drive nice cars.
Have great credit.
Don't have drama.
At least not the kind I have been having.
I stopped the other day, and looked at those people.
I have the same job.
I have the same paycheck.
I could have the same life.
And realized its all about the choices I make everyday.
Even the little ones.
And I also looked at my patients.
People who made bad decisions,
didn't take care of themselves,
and now at the end of life are in a living hell.
Broken.
I don't want to be them.
So I am choosing the good life and the choices that go with it.
I started this year out working. A good way to start.
I see people that are happy.
Good nurses. Fulfilled.
One in particular - Leah. She is beautiful, nice, and happy.
And I studdied her.
I realized - she has no issues.
Now we all have enough opportunity to have issues.
Its what we choose to do with them.
I have exhausted my issues.
I've vented them,
been haunted by them,
cried with them,
and rotted with them.
My biggest issue has been with Christianity.
I don't need to defend my point of view anymore. This is growth. We only feel the need to defend when we are unsure of how we feel. When we need validation. If someone called Anjelina Jolie ugly - it wouldn't bother her. Cause its not true and she knows it. Now say it to Janet Reno - and there might be an issue. Call Stephen Hawking stupid. Or Bill Gates poor. They don't feel the need to defend themselves. Their truth validates them, there is no need to argue.
This is where I am at.
I found a great quote at Vera's blog.
The ancients watched the winter solstice
The sun shrinking from the Earth
The shortest day, the longest night
And then the new year's birth.
But what the ancients couldn't know
Now clear to those with eyes to see
That summer here is winter there
And day to you is night to me.
It all depends on where you stand
Six billion different points of view
I'll honor yours if you honor mine
And then with grace we'll see this through.
(Harold Ramis, quoted in The God Factor: Inside the Spiritual Lives of Public People, page 213)
Happy, Happy New Year !!!!!!!
And my thoughts and heart are with John Travolta.
Peace and Namaste.
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