Spell Work

"Is God willing to prevent evil,

but not able?

Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing?

Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing?

Then whence cometh evil?

Is he neither able nor willing?

Then why call him God?"

- Epicurus, Greek philosopher, 341 - 270 BCE

Its amazing to me that someone thousands of years ago could ask the same questions I do today, and come to the same conslusion.

Feeling very lost lately. Sometimes I really miss the beliefs I grew up with. There was comfort in them, even if they were fiction. Its something that is hard to replace. Royce and I both got sad the other day. We were watching "Evan Almighty". I remember that feeling of safety and comfort, the feeling that something almighty and powerful was standing right behind you, backing you up. The feeling of faith. Watching the movie we both got sad at the same time. He said to me, "It would be nice to believe in something, like that again, something that could fix anything." I think we both got teary during the movie. Its a great movie. I still love the story of Noah.

Faith is a big thing to lose. And I've lost mine. At least faith in god.

There is more out there. I hope. I feel that there is.

Feeling lost lately. Job, finances, family, fitness, house. Lost.

Feeling lost. I've got to snap out of this. Been cooking lately. I actually can cook, just don't do it very often. And cooking magick is so wonderful. So healing. Made spaghetti sauce today. Yum. It helps to cook. Doing a spell tonight. Been planning it for a few days. It must be a very powerful one too, cause as soon as I had decided firmly to do it, not even done it yet, just decided to - thing after thing after thing started happening. Things that have never happened before concerning this particular matter. Little things. But weird. Just at the suggestion of the spell. And every time I question the power of spells I am pleasantly surprised and humbled.

Its a spell for work. I really hate nursing. Don't want to do it anymore. I know I have to if there is nothing else that I can support my family with. Its a spell to open up something for me, somehow, that is more in the "entertainment field", like I mentioned earlier. I'm just comfortable there, and would be very good at it. Money is the thing though. Either bartending, or waitressing at a "club", or dancing (trying not to limit my energy potential here, so don't laugh), or whatever. Just open to it all. There is money to be made.

We were at our favorite club right after I had decided to do the spell. I was going over the instrustions and my grocery list of things to get in the club. A song came on, I wanted to know who it was, asked the DJ. Now usually, they tell you who it is, you say thank you and that is that. I went up to the little booth, asked the DJ, who we've seen many times, he tells me who it is, then says "you know, I can put the song on CD for you. In fact, why don't you make a list of songs you want, a whole bunch, and I'll make you a CD." Wow, that has never happened before. So I took him up on it. I instantly felt energy sweeping me in that direction. And the feeling that people were going to be extremely receptive to me. Just like the DJ. It was a little weird.

Next thing. About 45 minutes later, still in the club, dancers all around, hot half naked women all around, Royce had to go somewhere then come back, so I go to the bar and sit down. This really hot guy (and trust me they don't happen in there a whole lot) was next to me at the bar. He starts talking to me. So much so that one of the dancers, one of my best friends there, comes over and acts really jealous and defensive, like I'm taking business away from her. Imagine that, Barb taking business away from a hot stripper. I was taken back. She left, walked around, came back, all jealous. I wasn't even flirting. And this next part, wow. So he's talking to me, and asks me if I'd like a shot of Jack. Well, yeah, sure. Just have never had a guy buy ME a drink in a strip club before. They always reserve that action for the dancers. But me. He bought me a drink. In there. Amazing. Kept feeling amazing energy from the suggestion of this spell.

Then lastly, after we left there we went to Murphy's for a little while. I'm talking to Lance, the owner, our friend, and he offers me the Monday day shift if the new bartender doesn't work out, cause he may have taken a job somewhere else. Totally offered me a shift bartending. At my favorite place.

I need to do this spell. Its a very powerful one. I think I have everything and think I am going to do it tonight. Before I apply anywhere.

Got to snap out of this funk. No one is going to hire me or want me if I'm this depressed soul that I am. Gotta exercise or something. Gotta get my fitness going or I'm going to ruin any posibilities the spell will provide.

Blessed Be.