Spring, Summer and Healing

Stacey, the Beltane festival sounds wonderful, I wish I could have gone to one. I am so new to this, I don't even know what Beltane is celebrating, but now I am going to research it and learn all about it. I am going to go to a Summer Solstice celebration and am going with a friend from work, hopefully maybe more than one friend. It is going to be at the Irish Cultural Center. It is not actually on June 21st- Summer Solstice - but is on the 25th, probably due to availability at the center. But I have asked for both days off at work, so on the 21st maybe I will do something at home. I am going to study and learn all about it before then. Yeah, doesn't sound so much like church, does it?

By the way Stacie - your new man--------really hot. Just thought I'd tell you.

You are doing so good with your weight. I was doing good, until I had to start working like every night, and I let everthing go to crap. I probably gained all my weight back, if not more. Hopefully when I can slow work down a little, I will get back on the program again.

I worked alot in the yard yesterday, got all the grass cut. It so badly needed done. Now it looks so nice out there. And the day before yesterday I did my hair - it is black on the bottom half and plum on the top. It turned out really good.

It seems like my mother and I have found some middle ground. I've started going over there more. We are talking more. I think we are just both very careful about what we talk about. It feels like anger is gone. I don't want to have regrets when she is gone. I regret not talking to my dad more. Not seeing him more. Letting issues between my mom and I get in the way. I don't want any more regrets. I don't think I can live in my house after she is gone. I've been thinking about that lately. I just don't think I can do it. Maybe that is when we will finally move. I don't think I could bear to live behind my parents house when they are both gone. My mom still cries. Everytime I see her, she cries some. Then I start crying. She talks about church some. I listen. I interject some of my opinions sometimes, but there is not any anger directed toward her anymore.

Its getting very hot lately. It gets less and less easy to live here. And Royce is so sick every spring and summer that I know we will eventually leave. Maybe Northwest. I'm sure that is where we will end up. Someday Nikki.