Psalms 91

Psalms 91.

I memorized the whole chapter one time in gradeschool.

I also sat at my dad's bedside in Hospice, a few days before he died, and read this chapter to him. It was one of the last times he looked at me, and I knew he understood me. I read it because it was one of his favorites; not because I believe it.

In fact it is one of the reasons I don't believe in that god anymore. Why I don't believe the Bible. Livingsword, you tell me to read the Quran, then re-read the Bible and then see how it speaks to me. I don't need anything for comparison. The words in the Bible are enough to convince me. Either the whole Bible is truth, or none of it can be believed. You can not pick and choose which parts you want to be true. This is what most people do. This chapter alone I have found untrue. And I can't explain the deepness of the hurt when I think that my dad truly with all his heart believed this. This makes me angry, and so very sad. Most of the chapter can be applied here to my dad, but there are a few verses in particular that just turned out to be so untrue.


Verse 1:
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High
shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

Verse 3:
Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler,
and from the noisome pestilence.

Verses 5,6, and 7:
Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night;
nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness;
nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
A thousand shall fall at thy side,
and ten thousand at thy right hand;
but it shall not come nigh thee.

Verses 9 and 10:
Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge,
even the Most High, thy habitation;
there shall no evil befall thee,
neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

This is why I do not believe the Bible anymore. Not because I am angry at mere humans. Not because someone in the church did not represent Jesus correctly. Not because I want to argue. BECAUSE IT IS NOT TRUE.

My dad dwelled in the secret place of the Most High. Evil did come near him, when blatantly promised it wouldn't. Why does it promise that a thousand will fall at his right hand, and ten thousand at his right, but that is wouldn't come near him? And it did? You die-hard christian bible beaters out there, I can hear you now, saying "its a metaphor, it means salvation, not earthly comfort." Oh but you are wrong, why does it in plain language say in verse 9 and 10, because my dad made the Lord God his refuge, his habitation, which he certainly did, that no evil will befall him? That no plague will come nigh his dwelling? My dad did all of that, everything he was told by the bible to do, and he was not spared from evil, from suffering. Now you may all say, people are going to suffer, everyone is going to die, it is an imperfect world. Then why does the bible promise no suffering if you follow god? This totally doesn't make sense to me. And if I can not believe part of the Bible, I can not believe any of it. How can you? How can any of you?

Thats enough for me.

Sometimes I'll get that twinge, that twinge from brainwashing, that I'm on the outside looking in, have gone the wrong way, that fear that they are right and I'm going to hell - then I look at it logically and intelligently. I hold the Bible up for the test of truth - and this chapter alone gives me validation. It kills that twinge. Truth versus twinge = hmmmmmm, truth wins.

I think the "truth" of any group, religion or otherwise, is evident in the character of its people. There were many actions of church members that helped me make my decision to leave the Seventh-Day Adventist church. What happened with Karl was one of the first and major things that made me leave. When one of my very, very best friends, who claims complete devotion to god and his church, who was in love with me when we were young, proposed to me when we were 18, who had told me he will never get over me, has an emotional, very intimate affair with me over a few months time while he is married, then when I start seeing someone new - holds me in check. Tells me he can't be my friend anymore, because of my lifestyle and decision to have sex out of marriage with this new guy. Not because he and I were unfaithful, but because I am living a corrupt lifestyle that the Bible speaks out against, and he is doing the loving thing by holding me accountable for my sins, and removing his friendship because of my choices. Karl continued to preach the gospel to me when he saw me being dissenchanted with it. He told me god's love, and the truth in the bible, and told me he prayed for me. But when asked, he said he never told his wife. Never came clean, never asked for forgiveness in his own life. And couldn't. And wouldn't. But continued to preach to me. About Jesus and love, and the right way to live. To have one of your very very best friends do this to you - this was the first major thing. What Mr. Claus did to Tyler. Being treated so badly when I was pregnant. All of these things. These actions do not coincide with any "christian" belief. The actions of this group have proved invalid. Wrong.

That combined with the "untruth" I find in the bible - well, I'm done. Thanks Karl - for pointing me in the right direction.

I miss my dad.