Well, I made it. It is the end of night 7 in a row. Going to take a couple of nights off. Get to see Royce and the kids now. If they still remember who I am. A few nights ago Royce brought me flowers at work. Apparently he still remembers me. Maybe, if I'm not too tired, we will go for a walk - maybe to the Chinese place. That will always be my place.

I'm glad you liked the story Nikki. My spirit is not dead. It was just sad for awhile. Still is. But I am feeling better. Sometimes I just can't believe he is gone. When I stop, and sit still, and just be - the house feels really weird. Its weird how "sad" just hits me sometimes.

Last night at work we had a term demise. Thats a full term dead baby. Perfect in every possible way, except for her cord that was wrapped around her neck. That is always the darkest black cloud on a labor and delivery unit. It wasn't my patient, but everyone knows its on the unit, whether its your patient or not. I remember at about 5 am, after baby delivered, feeling overwhelmed. I was having a hellish night - the 3rd in a row, and a saw pictures of it with mommy. She was beautiful. Just the picture, and the week, and my dad. I just kind of stopped for a minute - after going 1000 miles an hour for a week. Just kind of stopped. Gave baby a minute of my time. Just stopped and thought for a minute. Just felt for a minute. I haven't been feeling much lately.

Going to hug my babies today.

I needed to see those tiger pictures too.