Tonight, I strayed from my usual Korn, Pink Floyd, Marilyn Manson, Motley Crue, my hard, angry, rebellious, dark. I went back, way back to where my heart used to be, to the music that first gave birth to my soul. Etude in C sharp minor (opus10, #4) I'm sure some of you remember that one, I only played it to death for like 5 years, the Revolutionary Etude, the Minute Waltz, the 1st Chopin Ballade, the Appasionata - specifically the 3rd movement, Clair de Lune, Moonlight Sonata. Chopin, Beethoven, Debussy.

I'm listening to Moonlight Sonata right now. 1st movement. And I'm actually in tears. Its funny how Korn and Moonlight Sonata can touch the same place inside me. Can do the same thing to me. Where it changes so subtly from major to minor. The very end, I can't even describe it, how it ascends and descends. To me, probably the most quiet, yet one of the most intense climaxes in a piece of music. Technically, such a simple piece. But to play it right - ahhhhhhh, that is the real challenge. To be naked. How many times I've played it.

I don't want regrets. Yet I have some. I wouldn't trade my life now for anything. Yet sometimes I'm so ashamed of what I DIDN'T do.

I changed my myspace song to Moonlight Sonata.

I think I'm going to start playing again.

Read a little book called, "The Five People You Meet In Heaven." Good book. I would recommend it. Makes you think. Easy read. I finished it in a couple of hours, and I am a slow reader. But leaves a mark.

I think of things in nursing terms alot, go figure. I think I'm doing a debridement of my insides, of the wounds, and the subsequent dressing changes. Sometimes you can't just leave things to heal, you have to keep scraping and cleaning and washing to make sure they heal right. To make sure all the toxins are out. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. But it will heal completely after that, if done right.

I love you Royce. So very very much. Thank you for standing by me. Thank you for speaking up for me. Thank you for giving up everything you have given up. I love you.