Happy Birthday Nikki.
Love you.

Honest Tea

Been drinking these http://honesttea.com/ lately.
Actually very good.
I'm paranoid of getting cancer and they have lots of antioxidants.
And they taste good.
Anything pomegranate I love.

Getting a Life

Chuck, no I don't think "shitty" all night is normal, but I've been sick, had the flu and stuff, but still have to work, so I was commenting on how I was feeling at work.

As far as getting a life someday, I'm not sure what angle you are coming from. I'm not sure who you are but it definately felt like an attack.

Your comment is actually pretty hurtful. I've been battling alot of things lately, and what you said about getting a life actually really cuts.

Yes, I would love to have a better life, and I'm working everyday on that part.

Feeling better today, got lots of good sleep thanks to Ambien.

Peace out Chuck.

Been sick lately.
Been miserable.
Working tonight and the next 3.
Felt shitty at work all night but its almost over,
then beautiful sleep.
And I have Ambien now.
Ahhhhhhhh.

Oh an anonymous, I don't know who is in charge of that ridiculous blog http://adventistsnotcult.blogspot.com/
way back from my post on May 13th of last year, in this post http://somethinglikelifeblog.blogspot.com/2008/05/anytime-i-have-fraction-of-doubt-about.html.
Not to bring up old shit, but you asked a question. It really was weird though, I admit.

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez - talk about ISSUES.

I wrote out a post. Then erased it.
Enough of Roe vs. Wade, and I think Rev. Righteousness speaks for himself.
Like when Pat Robertson speaks. No one else really needs to point out that he's an idiot.
You pray to your god, I'll pray to mine.

I can sleep regarding the decisions I've made with this particular topic.
May you be able to sleep as well Reverend.

Today is Ryan's birthday. I can't believe he is 7 already. I so totally remember being in labor with him. And the whole pregnancy. He is my angel baby. Purest soul that I know. With the mischeiviousness of the devil himself. We are going to a pizza place, and the park, and do birthday stuff. Happy birthday Rye Rye. I love you so much.
********************************************************************************

On a totally different note.

I think that whole thing with me not writing is kind of going out the window.

Just gotta bitch a little.

1 Corinthians 13:11
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

When I was young, 18, I thought I knew everything. Black was black, and white was white. And God was God. I was going to ASU and joined a pro-life club. And felt all the righteous indignation of Jesus in the temple with the money changers. I was so right.

I have since had 5 of my own babies, told there was something terribly developmently wrong with one of them (which was wrong), had an unexpected "inconvenient" pregnancy (who is now my angel baby), helped deliver hundreds of babies, delivered some by myself, watched babies die, delivered dead babies, delivered malformed incompatible with life babies, helped a girl deliver her 6th or 7th or whatever number baby and seeing in her eyes the reality that she wouldn't be able to provide for it yet knowing she isn't allowed to use birth control and will probably haved a few more, seen so many children that are not taken care of by their parents, abused kids, drug babies, throw away foster kids, seen babies left in the NICU cause no one wanted them. Seen enough. And I was an inconvenient, unwanted, unplanned pregnancy myself, the product of a "mistake", an accident, who could easily been "taken care of" and life would have been a whole lot easier for Suzie.

And right outside my son's high school stand "God's servants", holding huge pictures of ripped apart, decaying dead fetuses, outside Planned Parenthood, for every high school student, every 2 year old, every whoever to have to look at, with Bible texts to accompany them. You can almost see them counting the jewels god will award them in their crown because of the babies they have "saved".

#1 - I'd like to know if they support sex education in schools and would like to know how many condoms they have passed out to prevent these pregnancies.

#2 - I'd like to know how many of the unwanted, disabled, drug babies they have adopted or fostered.

#3 - I'd like to know if Jesus would hold up a grotesque, morbid, photograph of bloody pieces of a fetus - or if he would simply write some names down in the sand.

#4 - I'd like to know why it is wrong to show human breasts on a tv show that you have a choice to turn on or off, yet you can display dead mutilated baby parts on the streetcorner and don't have a choice whether you are exposed to seeing it or not. Or your 5 year old.

Just some questions.

I'm just disguested and want to throw something at them.

If you don't believe in abortion, DON'T HAVE ONE!!!!

And may the fetus you save be a Black, Gay, Democrat.

***************************************************************

I love the choice I made. I don't know what I would ever do without my Ryan.

Love you sweet Angel Baby.

And Happy, Happy Birthday!!!!!

I need to check this out:

http://www.thegodmovie.com/

First Quarter Moon and Goals

I am going to set a few goals for myself for this year.

Exercise/workout every day that I don't work.
Get back in the gym. This one is a high priority.
Try to work at least one extra shift a week.
Do yoga regularly on Tuesday nights, and only miss if I am working.
Lose 30 pounds by Alumni.
Read more.
Pick a debt that I owe and concentrate on it.

GOALS IN MOTION:
I will walk and lift today after work after I sleep. Don't work tonight.
I should be able to sign up at the gym later this month. I can't wait.
I am signed up for Tuesday as an extra night to work.
(Was sick 2 days this last week and made them up.)
Will go to Yoga if they cancel me on Tuesday.
Am still reading "Wicked". Will read before I sleep in the morning.
I am choosing my old Wells Fargo account that I owe money to. Have the bill, and will figure out tomorrow what to do to start making payments.

Passed on the spaghetti with meat sauce Carb Overload at the cafeteria tonight. I got a yummy salad with lettuce and spinach, peas, tomatoes, olives, carrots, cheese and beans. I put too much dressing on like I always do, and made the salad too big. I always do both of these things. It actually was very good. I don't actually need some carb laden feast to get me through the night. I actually usually feel like shit after I eat that stuff anyhow. Not tonight. For a long time salads used to make me sick. I am hoping that is over. Salads cost more, but its worth it. Will probably steal some jello from the fridge here at work later.

I had a HUGE Mountain Dew on the way in to work. I don't even like Mountain Dew that much. Careless consumption. One of those little decisions that is important overall.

Cathy, you are inspiring me to run. I'm going to start again.

Its a First Quarter Moon - lots of waxing energy. Tonight I think I will make a list of my goals, cast a circle, burn incense, light candles, and medidate on my goals and use that energy to help me. I think I will do it outside if it isn't too cold.

I need to write. Even if I am the only one who reads this. I will just be more selective about what I put in writing. As far as Kirk's and Sheeple's entertainment, I'm not concerning myself with it anymore. I don't think my life will be as entertaining, because I am living differently.
Kirk, we have kids to raise, I will only have pleasant or indifferent reactions and interactions with you from now on - no more negativity. You do whatever entertains you.

I am still thinking about John Travolta and what very likely was the most horrific day of his life.

Peace and Namaste

Six Billion Different Points of View

Happy New Year to all.
I am feeling a sense of hope and rebirth inside me.
The last year in general, and New Year's Eve, have been bad for me.
Alot of this is my own doing.
I'm feeling a sense of change, and of good things.

I don't usually make "Resolutions"
I feel somehow they are hollow and are a set up for failure.

I want .................. The Good Life.

To many people this reference means money.
And surely money can be involved.
But I mean more of a quality of life.
Like the quote that I have had here since day one.
Life's journey to the grave.
Good things.

Doing the right things, and enjoying life to the fullest.
This does not happen accidentally.

I am choosing everyday to invest in my qualitly of life.
Exercise.
Yoga.
Wicca.
Going to work faithfully.
Working some overtime.
Paying bills.
Getting financially sound.
Spending time with my family.
Working toward a great vacation later this year.
My relationship.
Peace of mind.
Peace.

Everyday doing something that contributes to these.
And never doing something that doesn't.

I look at the people around me. At work.
I have a great job.
There is nothing different about their lives and mine,
except consequences of bad decisions I have made.
The houses they live in.
The vacations they take.
The cars they drive.
Their recreation time.
Most of the nurses live very high quality lives because of the money they make.
They have beautiful homes.
Drive nice cars.
Have great credit.
Don't have drama.
At least not the kind I have been having.

I stopped the other day, and looked at those people.
I have the same job.
I have the same paycheck.
I could have the same life.

And realized its all about the choices I make everyday.
Even the little ones.

And I also looked at my patients.
People who made bad decisions,
didn't take care of themselves,
and now at the end of life are in a living hell.
Broken.
I don't want to be them.

So I am choosing the good life and the choices that go with it.
I started this year out working. A good way to start.

I see people that are happy.
Good nurses. Fulfilled.

One in particular - Leah. She is beautiful, nice, and happy.
And I studdied her.
I realized - she has no issues.
Now we all have enough opportunity to have issues.
Its what we choose to do with them.

I have exhausted my issues.
I've vented them,
been haunted by them,
cried with them,
and rotted with them.

My biggest issue has been with Christianity.

I don't need to defend my point of view anymore. This is growth. We only feel the need to defend when we are unsure of how we feel. When we need validation. If someone called Anjelina Jolie ugly - it wouldn't bother her. Cause its not true and she knows it. Now say it to Janet Reno - and there might be an issue. Call Stephen Hawking stupid. Or Bill Gates poor. They don't feel the need to defend themselves. Their truth validates them, there is no need to argue.

This is where I am at.

I found a great quote at Vera's blog.

The ancients watched the winter solstice
The sun shrinking from the Earth
The shortest day, the longest night
And then the new year's birth.
But what the ancients couldn't know
Now clear to those with eyes to see
That summer here is winter there
And day to you is night to me.
It all depends on where you stand
Six billion different points of view
I'll honor yours if you honor mine
And then with grace we'll see this through.
(Harold Ramis, quoted in The God Factor: Inside the Spiritual Lives of Public People, page 213)

Happy, Happy New Year !!!!!!!

And my thoughts and heart are with John Travolta.

Peace and Namaste.