Coming to take me Away - Haa Haa

Going to to doctor, well actually nurse practitioner, in like an hour. Trying meds again.

Don't want to, but I'm not ok. I'm anticipating lithium. My work has been gracious enough to give me a few vacations days to see how I do when I first start.

I'm crying alot. Getting to work is hell - but when I get there I'm ok. And it never seems to affect my jugdement or work mindset, just allbthe other times. Crying. Stressing. Irritable. Not able to take care of myself - and therefore no one else. And I'm a nurse. I need to take care of me at least as well as I would take care of a patient.

Royce said the other day, "Pick a mood and stay in it." and it hit me, I may not be capable of doing that. On my own.

I'm a nurse, and a bad patient, but I know I need help right now. I think I will be a better wife and mom and self with lithium. I hate the truth, but am accepting it. The challenge will be to find a good psychiatrist to regulate everything. I HATED my last one. That's probably why I've been flying solo for a year and a half.

If I don't fix things, I'm going to lose my marriage, and my job, and hurt my kids.

I hate being the patient.