Happy Halloween !!!!!

Happy Halloween!!!!
Happy Samhain!!!

Hope everyone is having a happy Halloween. We will be going trick-or-treating tonight. Sydney is a cat, Lyndsey a fairy, Ryan a phantom, and Cheyenne a diva-cat. They all got to wear their costumes to school yesterday. I will probably put my witch hat on, but that will probably be about it for me. We may go to the Tempe Halloween party at Kiwanis Park too, maybe. If we aren't too tired.

Across from our house is a huge lot. I may have mentioned this before. It looks like a huge empty lot, but if you look close there is actually a house there. Its this creepy old house. It used to belong to this old man who lived there forever, but he died and left it to his grandkids. Now there are a whole bunch of college kids living there. I always thought it would be a great place for a Haunted House. Well, last night they had this huge costume party. I swear there had to be a couple hundred college kids there. I am directly across from the house. The music woke me up at about 10 pm, and it just got louder from there. It was pretty cool though, I'm not gonna complain. They had this huge bonfire, and a DJ and everything. Well, someone didn't think it was too cool and at about 1 am it got busted. I don't know what the complaint was or what they were doing in there, but there were at least 15 cop cars, all with their lights on, and they even sent the police helicopter out (AKA the ghetto bird). It was pretty exciting. It went on for hours. I woke Syd up and we sat on the porch in a blanket and watched the action for a long time. Hoards of kids in costumes kept vacating the property. There wasn't ever an ambulance, so I don't think anyone got hurt, but there might have been a fire truck for the bonfire. We went to bed at about 3, and the cops were still there. Somebody went to jail. It was cool. It was probably drugs and underage drinking for that many cops to be there.

Think about all the real crime the cops evaded dealing with some crazy college kids.

I hate cops.

But it was entertaining.

Royce and me and the kids are all about to go to breakfast at the Rail.

Happy Halloween.

And of course, I didn't work that night. Of course. But I will still have 8 extra hours on this check. I tried. Have been cooking some at home, chicken, roasts. It feels good to cook again. I couldn't for awhile cause we didn't have a stove. Sydney has been sick yesterday and today, and Lyndsey today, so they have been home with me, going to the store, resting, chilling. Its been nice. Cooking a beef roast tonight that I marinated for a few hours, and we got a fire log too, so we will have a fire outside tonight. Hopefully Tyler and Taylor will be over too. My back and stomach have been killing me lately. The doctor thought I might have an ulcer, and that would make alot of sense with the way I am feeling. No matter what I eat I am sick. Had diarrhea for days, and everytime I eat my back hurts. Tylenol and Motrin aren't really helping. I've taken some lifesaving Protonix, but it doesn't seem to be doing much either. Maybe the answer is to just stop eating for awhile. I'm sure I would survive. I've got so much to do and to clean in the house. Getting it done slowly. It is an urban myth that mom's like it when all of their kids are in school. At least in my case. I will never be one of those go to the salon and shopping while your kids are in daycare kind of mom's. I never looked forward to it, but I kinda thought when they were all in school, like this year, that it would mean a little time for me. But I hate it. I absolutely hate being home alone. I get very depressed. Especially between the hours of 12 noon and 3 pm. Its weird, but its always those hours. Today isn't bad, cause Syd and Lynds are sitting her by me playing pokemon cards. But when no one is here but me, and I'm not sleeping, its really bad. I feel so much better in the late afternoon and early evening. Love that time. Its cool, kids are about, it just feels good.

Yeah, the up didn't last too long. Really upset too because we were wrong about the release date of Season 5 of lost. It is December 8. I really don't know if I can wait that long.

Up, Up and Away

This work week has been fantabulous, if work can be so. I have had awesome patients, had the time to take care of them, had fun with co-workers, and had some down time, which is nice when you have done 4 nightshifts, and are hoping to do another. If I work tonight I will probably have my same patients back which will make it easier, and it will all be over time. Now watch, I won't get called in - because I want to work. Thats the way it always happens.

I think its just the timing in my cycle, but everything feels good right now. Oh, wait...... I think it might be referred to as................ lets see, a manic phase. Hate that word. But it is what it is. Everything feels good, and so IS good. Life just feels great right now. The air is chilled outside. We seem to have enough money lately. Kids are happy. Tyler has been around more. Life just feels good.

Its really weird, but this is probably the first "up" I have recognized for what it is. I have been off my medicine for just about a month now. Its nice to have ME back. I was reading this old post from March of last year:

http://somethinglikelifeblog.blogspot.com/2008/05/im-learning-that-i-should-just-embrace.html

I was reading where I said:
"I'm learning that I should just embrace everything - the good and the bad, because there is always a yin and a yang, it always equals out. Right before my period, like right before it starts, I have a day where I have almost a euphoria. Everything is deeper, more beautiful, sadder, sweeter. I cry more, everything taste better, I love deeper, I laugh harder. Everything is enhanced. Thats where I am today."

I just didn't know what it was. Its so classically manic. But I didn't even know. Thats where I am today again.

Updated Facebook. Arranged two friend dates: Going to dinner with Sarah and Lisa on November 1st, and actually going to lunch with Jill Lewis this Tuesday the 27th. Saw her at Alumni, it was really nice. So I'm looking forward to that.

Am I rambling? I think maybe so. Combination of sleep-deprivation and mania.

Ahhhhh ...... the joys.

To Believe

To be able to believe in god, one must:
Either accept that God is NOT all powerful and can not stop evil,
Or that he IS all powerful and chooses not to stop evil.

"Florida police have tentatively identified a child's body found in a landfill as that of a 7-year-old girl who vanished while walking home from school on Monday."

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,568982,00.html

I can't believe.

I keep seeing my Cheyenne.
Laying in that landfill.

Somer

Am doing some overtime this week. I hate doing it, but if the opportunity presents itself, I kinda have to do it, especially with Christmas coming up. I will hopefully have 16 hours of overtime on this next check on the 30th. Cha-ching.

Found Josh Holloway's Facebook. Thanks to Stacey.
He is so beautiful.

We haven't seen any of season 5 yet.
Sawyer and Juliet? Yuk yuk yuk
It can't be so.
I still don't trust her.

Was watching the news yesterday - mistake number one I guess - and saw that they probably found the body of that little girl missing in Florida. Somer Thompson - 7 years old, walking home from school with her brother and sister and friends, they started teasing her, she ran ahead, 15 minutes later when they arrived home she wasn't there. In 15 short minutes. It is almost too much for me to watch stories like this. It makes me so scared. And actually sick to my stomach for the family. I actually have a physical reaction. I can't even imagine. And now they found a body in a landfill. No positive identification yet, but the body of a child, only limbs were exposed in the landfill.

I tell you. If I ran the world there would be a lot more castration.
And torture.
A lot more.
It just makes me very very sad to look at her little face.
I think I should stick to watching LOST and Josh Holloway.
And start locking my kids in the house.

Rest in peace little Somer.

Birthdays, Sunsets, and The Dharma Initiative

Found a new fascinating blog. Thanks to Stacey's blog.
http://www.jen-johnson.com/jen_vs_the_bible/
Step by step reading through the Bible, starting at Genesis - by an atheist.
Interesting. And funny.

Had a nice birthday. Was so nice to see Nikki, and Steph and Lona. All the kids made me cards, even Tyler, I almost had a stroke. Short and sweet, but still a card. The other kids cards were so cute. Went shopping. Was just a very nice day. Now I am 39. Only one year left in my 30s.

Lyndsey had her birthday on the 10th. She is 11. Was also a very fun day. She liked all her presents, we all went to the zoo - hand fed the giraffes, rode a camel. Lots of fun. Then went to The Rain Forest Cafe. Seems we always go there on birthdays. Her dad got her an I-Touch. She loves listening to music, and gadgets. It was a great present for her. She had a fun day.

We finally finished the 4th season of Lost. The 5th season doesn't come out on DVD until Oct.27, and let me tell you - we are LOST. Absolutely lost not able to watch it. Can't wait. Then in February season 6. We left off with the Oceanic 6 getting off the island, and glimpses of the future - not good ones. And lots of questions. Like is Claire really dead? Why the hell did she stay with the good Doctor? How do they all convince each other to go back? How did Locke die? Why did no one come to the funeral? How are Sawyer and Juliet on the island? Did Jin really die? And what the fuck is up with Michael? How does Hurley get out of the funny farm? Is Charlie really dead (hope not). And where is Ben?

Got the first 2 seasons of Dead Like Me to watch in the mean time. Like the show, but it just isn't as good. We are in withdrawal. Gotta love the grim reapers clocking in at the beginning of the show though.

Sawyer is so hot.

Haven't really been ready to talk about it till now, but its time. I broke my sobriety at the beginning of September. It was a conscious and sober decision. I just felt ready. It was on an anniversary. And it is much easier than I anticipated. Its so nice to just sit and have a few beers, to take a break, to relax, and to really enjoy what I am drinking, rather than completely fading and escaping. And I haven't done that once. I actually think I have worked out my issues. The other day got to cook at home, made soup, and had some wine while cooking. That is so much fun. Especially when it is cool outside, and cooking warm yummy stuff inside.

The kids have been off this week, and have been spending lots of time with them. It has been fun, just lounging around, sleeping in, having them home all day. Went to Hole-In-The-Rock a few times. At sunset. It was spectacular. For those of you not from Phoenix, it is a desert park smack dab in the middle of town with these huge rocks called the Papago Buttes, and one of them has this huge non-man-made hole right at the top of it. It must have been a bubble in some volcanic explosion a long time ago that popped and left this huge hole. You climb up to it, and you can see like the whole phoenix area. Its beautiful, especially at sunset. Amazing actually.

Been really enjoying the kids lately. And the Homefront.

Went off my medicine. It was just causing too many problems for me. I would rather just deal with "me". Up, or down. I am actually doing very well. Am feeling good. I just need to keep myself in check. I know I'm playing doctor and god, and going against everything everyone has told me to do. But I have to live in my skin, and wake up in my head. And this is what I choose.

I got a pin for being at my job here in Scottsdale for a year. And I got a raise. My anniversary was on the 13th. I always feel so grateful that I have such a great job, and have kept it, and will continue to have it. It really is a great place to work. And the pay is good. Good all the way around. I am so fortunate, especially nowadays.

I was in danger of losing my house for a long time. And it is finally out of danger. Big relief. My house also has been a big stressor for me, so much needs done. Bought some stuff recently and cleaned a lot of stuff, and am feeling much better about it. Its feeling like my space. One I want to be in. The kids are happy with this too. They notice.

And its Halloween Time. What else can I say. Now that I am getting back to being "me" I am getting back in the Witchy frame of mind. And its so nice here now. A chill in the air.

Life is good.
Namaste.

Surprise !!!!

So my birthday is Monday the 5th, and Nikki is coming to see me!!! Actually, she got in tonight but I'm at work, and is staying with some friends. We are going to go out, just us, tomorrow night. She has been planning this for a couple of months, and tried to keep it a secret, but it didn't work out so well that way. And then we are going out on Sunday night the 4th for dinner, and apparently Steph and Lona are coming too. Cathy was going to come, but is unable, which - especially after that loving comment she left me - I am really disappointed about. I would love to see you too girl. And Peggy said she probably won't be able to come. I am so excited, and actually flattered that anyone would do this for me. I am really excited, and I'm at a point where I really need to see some friends. I told her I wanted to go to Casey Moore's, so I guess that is where we will go. I haven't seen Steph or Lona since that time we went out like 2 years ago either. I'm going to bring all the kids too, Tyler even said he would come (Its hard to get Tyler to commit to being anywhere at any time). And I told Taylor she could come too. She's practically my kid too. Hopefully we will find someway to get pictures on here.

I feel so weird being here at work and Nikki is virtually a few miles from me and in town. Just isn't right.

She hasn't seen my kids since 2002, Cheyenne wasn't even born, Ryan was 8 months old, Lyndsey was 4, Sydney was 8, and Tyler was 10. Yeah. Now they are 5,7,10,14, and 17. Come to think of it, Steph and Lona haven't seen the kids for a long time either.

So, I guess I still have people that love me. Good to know.

Oh, and its a Full Moon.

Perfect.

PS - Little sidenote: I gave Peggy the first season of LOST. Now, if you don't know it, Peggy is not much of a TV or a computer person. Doesn't get too caught up. So I give her the first season, I tell her to watch the first episode, and if she doesn't like it to just give it back. She was like, Ok whatever. So she calls me up in a few days and tells me she stayed up till 4 am and watched the whole first season.