Went to the grocery store. Went to the club.
The "Incident" (as we are now officially calling it) is officially over. To the toast of a Long Island, and a game of pool - our 2 week drinking binge, aftermath of "The Indicent" is over. Its been a loverly 2 weeks. It was literally 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I love you Honey. Whatever it took is worth it.
There is nothing that can compare to a Soulmate.
Not time, or past, or issues, or complications, or Utopia. I love you Baby. Nothing can compare to what we have. I have never had it with anyone. I'm sorry I almost let it get away. Just like you said, it feels like when we first got together. That euphoria. I can't explain it. You know what it is. Nothing can compare to or equal or touch that connection. That connection. You are my Soulmate. We have what everyone is searching for.
I love you.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Back In Black
Just got done watching "Resurrecting Motley Crue".
Tommy and Vince. And more Tommy.
Oh My. I am not worthy. (I've seen THE video, and I really am not worthy.)
I needed a cigarette afterwards.
Then there was a commercial with them AND Steven Tyler and Joe Perry.
Criss Angel is on now. It must be my day.
And last night got to see Johnny in Pirates.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........................................
All of my boys.
I think my libido is back.
I asked Royce if we could run to the grocery store to pick up a few things. And if we could stop on the way home and see some boobies. I need some motivation for my new workout.
For the New-Old me.
Barb is back.
Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me........
I lasted 3 days. Loida predicted a week. I beat her to it. Can't do old people. I need babies. So looking for a job again.
Alcohol. My drug of choice.
Comfortably numb. Thats where I've been.
Ever since I quit my job and Royce and I had that bad day things have been weird. Things have been really really good with us. It seemed to have fixed everything. We have never been closer. But I've been really depressed about work. I can't believe I'm not going there anymore. Lots and lots of alcohol consumption and going out since that day. Like everyday. Spending all kinds of money I don't have. Drinking and chilling. Just not caring. Went through alot of alcohol, alot of money, and alot of calories. I swear to god the people at Bombshells know us by our first names. Even buys us drinks sometimes. Its time to stop. Or at least to slow down. Had a really great week with Royce, but put a few pounds back on. Up to 174 yesterday, and 172 today. So going back down. Can't believe I blew the 160s. I will get it back. Still doing no carbs - you know except for all the Jager I've had.
Going to be trying something called "The Stripper Workout" that Royce was telling me about.
http://www.stripper-faq.org/tools.htm
Go to the "Your Body" section. Scroll down a little.
Interesting website though.
Someday.
Alcohol. My drug of choice.
Comfortably numb. Thats where I've been.
Ever since I quit my job and Royce and I had that bad day things have been weird. Things have been really really good with us. It seemed to have fixed everything. We have never been closer. But I've been really depressed about work. I can't believe I'm not going there anymore. Lots and lots of alcohol consumption and going out since that day. Like everyday. Spending all kinds of money I don't have. Drinking and chilling. Just not caring. Went through alot of alcohol, alot of money, and alot of calories. I swear to god the people at Bombshells know us by our first names. Even buys us drinks sometimes. Its time to stop. Or at least to slow down. Had a really great week with Royce, but put a few pounds back on. Up to 174 yesterday, and 172 today. So going back down. Can't believe I blew the 160s. I will get it back. Still doing no carbs - you know except for all the Jager I've had.
Going to be trying something called "The Stripper Workout" that Royce was telling me about.
http://www.stripper-faq.org/tools.htm
Go to the "Your Body" section. Scroll down a little.
Interesting website though.
Someday.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I got to see my dad today.
I had breakfast with him. I talked to him about life, as I fed him his oatmeal. His fried eggs, which he really didn't like. And his fruit. Cantaloupe and watermelon. He really liked the cantaloupe. His eyes were the same, but they couldn't see me. His face had that same mask to it. The one he had for the last few years. He struggled to find words, just like he used to. He asked me what my name was. He thought it was Melinda. I said Barbara. He apologized over and over. I told him it was okay. He thanked me for bringing him coffee. But it wasn't me who did it. I didn't correct him. I heard his voice again, and heard him talk to me again. And heard him say my name. He wore the same shirt. The same pants. The same shoes.
He had the same hands.
And for a little while, just a little while, I got to have breakfast with my dad. I have missed him so much. We talked. Just like we used to. I cried. But he didn't see me. He's blind. For just a little while I was whisked away, away from work, and I sat - alone -
with my dad.
With Dad.
I asked Mr. Burke if he had Parkinson's. He said, slowly, "Yes, how could you tell? Was I shaking?"
I said, "No, I can just tell. My dad had it."
Mr. Burke said he had had it for 3 to 4 years. He wanted to know how long my dad had it before he died. I said he had it for 8 years.
You could see the slow Parkinson's wheels turning - four more years left.
He said, "You must have loved your dad very much. You are very compassionate."
I said, "It was easy when it was my dad."
I finished feeding him. He couldn't see me cry. I hope he didn't hear it in my voice.
It was nice to have breakfast with my dad.
I had breakfast with him. I talked to him about life, as I fed him his oatmeal. His fried eggs, which he really didn't like. And his fruit. Cantaloupe and watermelon. He really liked the cantaloupe. His eyes were the same, but they couldn't see me. His face had that same mask to it. The one he had for the last few years. He struggled to find words, just like he used to. He asked me what my name was. He thought it was Melinda. I said Barbara. He apologized over and over. I told him it was okay. He thanked me for bringing him coffee. But it wasn't me who did it. I didn't correct him. I heard his voice again, and heard him talk to me again. And heard him say my name. He wore the same shirt. The same pants. The same shoes.
He had the same hands.
And for a little while, just a little while, I got to have breakfast with my dad. I have missed him so much. We talked. Just like we used to. I cried. But he didn't see me. He's blind. For just a little while I was whisked away, away from work, and I sat - alone -
with my dad.
With Dad.
I asked Mr. Burke if he had Parkinson's. He said, slowly, "Yes, how could you tell? Was I shaking?"
I said, "No, I can just tell. My dad had it."
Mr. Burke said he had had it for 3 to 4 years. He wanted to know how long my dad had it before he died. I said he had it for 8 years.
You could see the slow Parkinson's wheels turning - four more years left.
He said, "You must have loved your dad very much. You are very compassionate."
I said, "It was easy when it was my dad."
I finished feeding him. He couldn't see me cry. I hope he didn't hear it in my voice.
It was nice to have breakfast with my dad.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Got my hair done on Friday, and it looks spectacular. It was worth the money. Got my nails and toes redone, and got little flowers on my toes. Who woulda thought? Barb with little flowers on her toes. But I like it. I'll post pics later. The other day I was 168 - finally below 170. And today when I woke up I was 167. So down 16 pounds. And I know it will keep coming off, I'm know myself and I know I will keep doing this. Nikki, congrats on the 33 pounds. I know you will do this too.
Oh yeah - and one more thing. I bought a pair of shoes. Not just any shoes. 7 inch shiny white stripper platforms. I love them. They are motivation for me.
So I'm very happy about the 167.
Starting my new job tomorrow.
Oh yeah - and one more thing. I bought a pair of shoes. Not just any shoes. 7 inch shiny white stripper platforms. I love them. They are motivation for me.
So I'm very happy about the 167.
Starting my new job tomorrow.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Strength
Heather, I got your email this morning.
I was thinking about you yesterday, and this morning when I woke up. When we were in the ED that night I asked for you, that if they saw you to ask you to come see me. I just have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that things will be different with us now - that I won't see you anymore and we will lose touch. Its breaking my heart to leave County. I almost can't think about it.
I did post, as you can see. And the really weird part is, in your email you said "I know you will post it when the time is right." You sent your email at 10:22 last night. And I posted at 11:15. We were writing at the same time.
I'll never lose your number. I even still have that little heart shaped note you wrote it on when my dad was dying and I stayed with you.
And yes, we need to go out. And we need to go there.
Love you.
I was thinking about you yesterday, and this morning when I woke up. When we were in the ED that night I asked for you, that if they saw you to ask you to come see me. I just have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that things will be different with us now - that I won't see you anymore and we will lose touch. Its breaking my heart to leave County. I almost can't think about it.
I did post, as you can see. And the really weird part is, in your email you said "I know you will post it when the time is right." You sent your email at 10:22 last night. And I posted at 11:15. We were writing at the same time.
I'll never lose your number. I even still have that little heart shaped note you wrote it on when my dad was dying and I stayed with you.
And yes, we need to go out. And we need to go there.
Love you.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
My Shitty Shitty Horrible Day
Had a rough couple of days. On Monday morning I quit my job. I love my job. But there was a test of wills with my big-boss-higher-than-god director, who wanted me to float to another floor that was short, who is not used to being told "no", and I wasn't giving in. And that was that. I told her I took a $10 an hour pay cut to be staff on this floor and I wasn't going. Ever. I have been there 8 years. And I love my job. And I am good at it. I told her, after she informed me she was putting me on administrative leave that " I don't think I want to work for someone like you anyhow Maria." I told her I had a huge problem with the fact that she was ready to fire me over not floating, yet she was putting another nurse in charge who 2 years ago was not allowed to come back to the hospital as registry because she dropped a baby on the floor. The last thing I said to her was (and in front of a token human resources drone brought in to pacify/threaten me, my nurse manager, and my assistant nurse manager) that " Maria, I'll just reapply when you are gone, it won't be long - it never is."
So I felt like drinking. I'm not feeling much like sharing details, but lots of alcohol later, which induced lots of unresolved issues between Royce and I, the stress of losing my job, one bar and a strip club later, and god knows how much money, we ended this lovely day in the County ER getting Royce's hand stiched up. My very drunk, very Irish husband put his hand through our windshield on the way home. This was not a random act. It was the very end, the very exacerbation of things that had been building for a long time. And so it ended. It finally blew up. I am fine, Royce would never hurt me, but boy does that boy have a solid right punch and a temper to match. I love Royce very much. I rode with him in the ambulance to the ER and assisted the doctor as he sewed him up. Thankfully he didn't break anything but the windshield. The doctor said the only reason his hand didn't break was because of the size of the bones in his hand. Royce of course remembers none of this. The last thing he remembered was sitting down at the strip club, and the next thing he remembered was getting stitched up. I had to fill him in on the details. The car looks like a fucking crime scene inside. He lost so much blood. I think the 8 milligrams of morphine they gave him at the hospital cured his hangover the next day, but boy is his hand hurting today. And percocet doesn't touch him. I'm sorry this whole thing happened. I didn't make him do anything, he is a big boy, but I do have some responsibility in it all. The windshield is being replaced Friday.
Yesterday was my 2 week mark, my weigh in day. I was 172. So 11 pounds in 2 weeks. But today in the middle of the day I was 171. So now 12 pounds. I decided that my weigh in day would be the day I have some carbs, after I get weighed of course. So yesterday I had a potato skin with cheese and everything. It was heavenly. Absolutely heavenly. And a little pasta. And some Jager. And stopped myself there. Actually the heavy carbs in the potato skins made me feel so sick, I'm just not used to them anymore. But it was SO good. So now back to strict no carbs for a week or so. So if I'm 171 in the middle of today, we'll see what I am in the morning. I can't wait until I am under 170. The 160's.
Yesterday was the day after I quit. I asked my friend Loida about the facility she works at, she called back and I immediately got an interview for this morning. They hired me on the spot. So I have a new job. It will be totally different. I will be the charge nurse at a short term step down kind of facility. I will be in charge of the Lpns and the Cnas, and will do very little patient care and lots and lots of charting and signing my name. Not my kind of idea of nursing, but I am taking it. The pay is a little more than I was making, no weekends, dayshift, overtime if I want it, and a $3600 sign on bonus. Not bad. Its pretty close to home, and all the people seemed really nice. And I will get to see Loida everyday. And see my kids everynight. And sleep next to my husband every night. But never in a million years would I have traded OB for a nursing home. But life is funny. The directions it takes you. But its not forever. I'll be back. When the witch is dead.
I found out from Nikki today that our old high school teacher, Mr Bowers recently died. I always liked him. Everyone did. It sounded like it was cancer. And he wasn't very old. Its so sad. I hate cancer. But if thats what it was, and it was really bad, I'm glad he is gone and no longer suffering. It made me feel bad though. He was so nice. Peggy will feel really bad.
So hopefully less than 171 in the am.
There are some really great pictures of the windshield and Royce's hand on his blog.
http://www.royceman.blogspot.com/
So I felt like drinking. I'm not feeling much like sharing details, but lots of alcohol later, which induced lots of unresolved issues between Royce and I, the stress of losing my job, one bar and a strip club later, and god knows how much money, we ended this lovely day in the County ER getting Royce's hand stiched up. My very drunk, very Irish husband put his hand through our windshield on the way home. This was not a random act. It was the very end, the very exacerbation of things that had been building for a long time. And so it ended. It finally blew up. I am fine, Royce would never hurt me, but boy does that boy have a solid right punch and a temper to match. I love Royce very much. I rode with him in the ambulance to the ER and assisted the doctor as he sewed him up. Thankfully he didn't break anything but the windshield. The doctor said the only reason his hand didn't break was because of the size of the bones in his hand. Royce of course remembers none of this. The last thing he remembered was sitting down at the strip club, and the next thing he remembered was getting stitched up. I had to fill him in on the details. The car looks like a fucking crime scene inside. He lost so much blood. I think the 8 milligrams of morphine they gave him at the hospital cured his hangover the next day, but boy is his hand hurting today. And percocet doesn't touch him. I'm sorry this whole thing happened. I didn't make him do anything, he is a big boy, but I do have some responsibility in it all. The windshield is being replaced Friday.
Yesterday was my 2 week mark, my weigh in day. I was 172. So 11 pounds in 2 weeks. But today in the middle of the day I was 171. So now 12 pounds. I decided that my weigh in day would be the day I have some carbs, after I get weighed of course. So yesterday I had a potato skin with cheese and everything. It was heavenly. Absolutely heavenly. And a little pasta. And some Jager. And stopped myself there. Actually the heavy carbs in the potato skins made me feel so sick, I'm just not used to them anymore. But it was SO good. So now back to strict no carbs for a week or so. So if I'm 171 in the middle of today, we'll see what I am in the morning. I can't wait until I am under 170. The 160's.
Yesterday was the day after I quit. I asked my friend Loida about the facility she works at, she called back and I immediately got an interview for this morning. They hired me on the spot. So I have a new job. It will be totally different. I will be the charge nurse at a short term step down kind of facility. I will be in charge of the Lpns and the Cnas, and will do very little patient care and lots and lots of charting and signing my name. Not my kind of idea of nursing, but I am taking it. The pay is a little more than I was making, no weekends, dayshift, overtime if I want it, and a $3600 sign on bonus. Not bad. Its pretty close to home, and all the people seemed really nice. And I will get to see Loida everyday. And see my kids everynight. And sleep next to my husband every night. But never in a million years would I have traded OB for a nursing home. But life is funny. The directions it takes you. But its not forever. I'll be back. When the witch is dead.
I found out from Nikki today that our old high school teacher, Mr Bowers recently died. I always liked him. Everyone did. It sounded like it was cancer. And he wasn't very old. Its so sad. I hate cancer. But if thats what it was, and it was really bad, I'm glad he is gone and no longer suffering. It made me feel bad though. He was so nice. Peggy will feel really bad.
So hopefully less than 171 in the am.
There are some really great pictures of the windshield and Royce's hand on his blog.
http://www.royceman.blogspot.com/
Sunday, August 12, 2007
I'm scared to get on the scale when I wake up. I weighed myself right now and it was 173. So now I'm scared. But I know I'll do it. Had only my cheeseburger and the vegies last night. Still am not that hungry. I did drink a huge diet coke during the first half of my shift, and then filled it up with water and drank all of that during the second half. All kinds of drama at work last night. Patients cussing the nurses out. Switching assignments to placate people. Nurses crying. Bitchy co-workers. And I had to get all ghetto and had a huge fight with the detention officer who chained my pregnant patient/prisoner to the bed and left, with a baby that was taking a dive and headed for a ride on the short bus, who we needed to cut but couldn't cause she was chained to the bed. Nice. When we finally got back to the OR and did a c-section the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck 4 times tightly. I along with a nurse practioner of 31 years had never seen that, along with all the doctors. That baby could have died in the room and we couldn't go to the OR cause the patient was chained down. Either that or cut her on the labor bed. I found the hospital administration's policy on the guards never leaving the patient, highlighted it and provided the stupid guard with a copy, and told her if the baby would have died it would have been her fault and that her supervisor's orders and her job were not important compared to the baby. They are such idiots. I swear they are the einsteins that failed the police psych exam.
And they give these people guns.
And they give these people guns.
Boy, their parents must be proud.
Maybe I'll write Sheriff Joe a little note.
Down one more pound. 12 pounds in 12 days. Not bad.
I am so sore from my workout yesterday. I did 125 swings in 15 minutes. My legs are sore. Having difficulty getting out of chairs. I'm going to work out again in a day or so.
Had only my favorite burger tonight so far. And that will keep me full probably till tomorrow night. I also had broccoli and cauliflower (raw) and pickles and peppercinis from the cafeteria. Drinking lots of water.
Hope I'm less tomorrow when I wake up.
Working the next two nights for sure.
I am so sore from my workout yesterday. I did 125 swings in 15 minutes. My legs are sore. Having difficulty getting out of chairs. I'm going to work out again in a day or so.
Had only my favorite burger tonight so far. And that will keep me full probably till tomorrow night. I also had broccoli and cauliflower (raw) and pickles and peppercinis from the cafeteria. Drinking lots of water.
Hope I'm less tomorrow when I wake up.
Working the next two nights for sure.
Friday, August 10, 2007
11 Down
I am 172 today. Day 11 and down 11 pounds. I am averaging a pound a day. I know that fast speed will slow down, but it hasn't yet.
And I was so scared to get on the scale today. I laid in bed by Royce this morning and told him I knew I had gained weight and was afraid to see. I was scared because I had a bacon ultimate cheeseburger, no bread of course (I've got to get it in my head that it isn't cheating) and some cauliflower. And alot of water. It seems that that particular burger keeps me full for hours and hours. I didn't eat the rest of the day. I just wasn't hungry. And we went to Bombshells for a little while and I had tequila and a long island. Did you know that there are no carbs in either of those ? (except the little tiny bit of coke which I'm sure isn't even a gram of carbs). I'm lovin it. Thats why I thought for sure I had gained.
I can do this. I AM doing this.
We are getting a new fridge today. Ours wouldn't even close and all the food was warm and went bad fast. It is being delivered today. I am so excited.
(Its hard to type now with these new nails.)
I might even be down 15 pounds by our date on the 17th. That would be 168.
I think I'll put that weight ticker back on. Gotta get it from Stacey's place.
And I was so scared to get on the scale today. I laid in bed by Royce this morning and told him I knew I had gained weight and was afraid to see. I was scared because I had a bacon ultimate cheeseburger, no bread of course (I've got to get it in my head that it isn't cheating) and some cauliflower. And alot of water. It seems that that particular burger keeps me full for hours and hours. I didn't eat the rest of the day. I just wasn't hungry. And we went to Bombshells for a little while and I had tequila and a long island. Did you know that there are no carbs in either of those ? (except the little tiny bit of coke which I'm sure isn't even a gram of carbs). I'm lovin it. Thats why I thought for sure I had gained.
I can do this. I AM doing this.
We are getting a new fridge today. Ours wouldn't even close and all the food was warm and went bad fast. It is being delivered today. I am so excited.
(Its hard to type now with these new nails.)
I might even be down 15 pounds by our date on the 17th. That would be 168.
I think I'll put that weight ticker back on. Gotta get it from Stacey's place.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Week 2, day 3 and 174
So yesterday I pretty much ate when I was hungry. We went to Whole Foods, my new favorite store, and I got shrimp and some awesome organic radishes and water. I was totally full on the shrimp. We went school clothes shopping for Syd, Lynds and Ryan, which was totally exhausting. And so afterward Royce and I wanted to go to an adult place and just chill. We decided to go somewhere we had never been, and went to Kitty's, a little neighborhood bar close to home. I had some tequila and my only cheat was a Blue Hawaiian, only cause of the pineapple juice. And on the way home I got an ultimate cheeseburger from Jack. Its been one of my favorite things on this diet. Especially the ones with bacon. So I ate that last night, minus the bread of course, and thought for sure I had screwed up the scale for today. I thought that 175 was going to be gone. So I got up today and I was 174. I lost a whole pound yesterday. I slacked yesterday and didn't even work out like I said I was going to. I will today. With the kettlebell. But I couldn't believe it, 174. One more pound and I will be down 10 pounds. And I'm 10 days into it. And I don't see myself getting frustrated with this diet. It actually doesn't feel like a diet, but a life change. I can't believe I might be in the 160's in like a week or so. Amazing.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Barbie Hilton
Well, the scale was nice to me. Yesterday was the first day of week 2 so it was my weigh in day. I lost 6 pounds. I was thrilled. Then when I got on the scale this morning I was down 2 more pounds. Fabulous. I love this no carb thing. I will tell you what I got up to now, so I can post about my actual weight when it comes off. I was 183. OMG. My body seems to love, or has just gotten comfortable with about 180. Seems to be in homeostasis there. Unfortunately. I'm sure because of how I have trained it. 6 days into the no carb thing I was down 3 pounds. Which even that in one week would have been great. Then when I weighed my self at the week mark I was 177. The next day, today, I was 175. So I am pretty happy. I didn't say pretty (at least not yet), I said pretty happy. But I am feeling good about it. I can only see myself sticking to this this time and continuing to lose weight. I know the fast rate will probably slow down, but thats ok. I'm never hungry, never feel deprived, and basically eat as much as I want, and don't count calories. I think I am eating less because of the fat intake. I feel full much longer. Its easy except the no carb part, and as soon as I start craving something carbish I just make sure I eat something, and it goes away. I have cheated a little bit, I did have some pizza, and I did have a couple white russians. The vodka is fine, cause it is a white liquor so I'm told, and all the sugar has basically turned to alcohol. Another bonus for Barb. So Tequila, Vodka, white Rum - all those are ok. And I have been partaking of them. Its so amazing to me that I can drink alcohol and still lose weight. And I don't feel like I'm dieting, I'm never hungry - and I can still lose weight. Every day I eat stuff, stuff I would never have considered eating before when I was trying to lose weight, and I keep thinking, "Wow, I'm going to pay for this on the scale tomorrow." And it never happens. I'm amazed. And I'm feeling good. I don't feel tired. I think the secret for me and a no carb diet is to have a little carbs every once in a while. I really don't want to get sick again. Yesterday was the same day, day 8, that I was at last time when I got sick. I was a little scared. But I am fine. I also started working out yesterday. I feel like it will melt off if I am working out. I started out slow. I worked with my little kettlebell. Didn't do a whole lot, but I am just going to increase the swings I do every day, even if it is by only one. I tried to do 15 minutes yesterday and that didn't happen. I think I did like 8. And I did 50 swings. Royce says that isn't so bad. So my goal today is to do at least one more than 50. Apparently the kettlebell is way more efficient for burning calories than even jogging or the eliptical. So we shall see.
I also went and got my nails done. I have never had fake nails before. I got arcrylic tips and a gel set. And I got a french manicure. They look so great. I look so high maintenance.
And I made an appointment at a real salon to get a professional cut an color. A snotty little Paris Hilton kind of salon. This is an extreme first for me. I always do my own hair, and if I get a cut, its like at Supercuts. I hate all the women in there. I was so uncomfortable even going in there to make the appointment. So not my kind of place. But I am making myself do this. I might have to have a little tequila before I go. I am going next Friday, the 17th, before our date. My friend Evette at work recommended the place. Her hair always looks great, and I trust her - about life in general, not just about something silly as hair. So I trust her.
This is how long my hair is (and when it was pink and black - its reddish brown now):
Here's what I'm going to get (I hope):
I also went and got my nails done. I have never had fake nails before. I got arcrylic tips and a gel set. And I got a french manicure. They look so great. I look so high maintenance.
And I made an appointment at a real salon to get a professional cut an color. A snotty little Paris Hilton kind of salon. This is an extreme first for me. I always do my own hair, and if I get a cut, its like at Supercuts. I hate all the women in there. I was so uncomfortable even going in there to make the appointment. So not my kind of place. But I am making myself do this. I might have to have a little tequila before I go. I am going next Friday, the 17th, before our date. My friend Evette at work recommended the place. Her hair always looks great, and I trust her - about life in general, not just about something silly as hair. So I trust her.
This is how long my hair is (and when it was pink and black - its reddish brown now):
Here's what I'm going to get (I hope):
This is the cut:
And this is the color:
And this is what my nails look like:
Nice, huh? Put that one up there for you Royce. Yeah, unfortunately my nails are the only thing that resemble her.
And
THIS
is what I am going to get back to:
(So she can just move her fine ass on over)
Maybe I will be a few more pounds down by the 17th, and I can buy a cute outfit.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Day 6 of no carbs and I've lost 3 pounds. We'll see what I am tomorrow, the week mark. I actually did have a few pieces of pizza. It didn't seem to screw it up too much. Still drinking water. I go through these waves, as you can probably see, of motivation and lack of caring about losing weight. I am in a motivation phase again. I hope I can keep it this time. Usually what screws me up is a really bad cheat. Then I kinda say fuck it. Last time it was being in the hospital. I want to do this. People are losing weight around me. I have to start moving. I hope the scale is good tomorrow.
Royce went and saw Transformers yesterday. He loved it. He is now in love with Megan Fox. She is pretty hot. Reminds me alot of Angelina Jolie. Still think Angie is prettier.
I think I'm going to get my nails done today. Haven't done that in like forever. And fake this time. I'll take a picture.
Heather, thanks for the ring. I love it and wear it all the time. It only gets in the way when I'm checking someone's va-jay-jay. Have to turn it around. Love it though.
Royce went and saw Transformers yesterday. He loved it. He is now in love with Megan Fox. She is pretty hot. Reminds me alot of Angelina Jolie. Still think Angie is prettier.
I think I'm going to get my nails done today. Haven't done that in like forever. And fake this time. I'll take a picture.
Heather, thanks for the ring. I love it and wear it all the time. It only gets in the way when I'm checking someone's va-jay-jay. Have to turn it around. Love it though.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
On the last half of my 11th night in a row. Today was payday and my check was nice though. Not too busy tonight. Feeling very mellow inside. Robin and I are going to the Rail in the morning. I'm buying. She takes me home all the time. I owe her. I'm still on the no carbs. Feeling good. I don't ever feel hungry. I eat as much as I want, and I get fuller faster, cause of the fat. Its officially been 3 days and I've lost 2 pounds. Not bad. I am also drinking a lot more water. Forcing myself. And switched to diet soda. It takes about 3 days for me to acclimate to diet, but after that its not bad. Been eating lots of meat and cheese. Tuna salad. Eggs. And apparently white alcohol is ok. Like white rum, or tequila, or vodka. Thank god for some kind of justice. So tequila it is. The kids start school week after next. I worked enough to be able to get them some new clothes and also pay all the bills. This makes me happy. Its worth working like this to do that. On the 17th we have a date. I may be working right up till then. It will be so nice just to have a night to spend with Royce. He has surprises planned. I'm starting to really look forward to it. At this point a night on the couch watching tv would be heaven. But he has been a plannin'. OB triage is quiet tonight (I shouldn't have said that, I've got 4 hour left). I guess not many people having babies tonight.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Auntie Em
First day back no carbs. So good so far. Not going to weigh myself for a week and see what happens. Not going to say what god-awful weight I sprang up to in the last month or so. I'm hoping for a few pounds. We'll see.
Finishing 8th nightshift.
Its been all thunderstormy here the last few days. And I am either stuck at work or sleeping. I get to see the stormy skies when going to and from the car.
I love storms.
Finishing 8th nightshift.
Its been all thunderstormy here the last few days. And I am either stuck at work or sleeping. I get to see the stormy skies when going to and from the car.
I love storms.
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