I am 181.6 today. (Sad face). But it is a different scale, and I weighed myself in the late afternoon instead of first thing in the morning. I know I ate crappy today, but I didn't think it was 5 pounds worth. Sigh..........................................
Going to ride my bike to work tonight. Haven't missed a day since Monday riding my bike.
Hopefully I will eat good at work tonight.
Started reading "The Time Traveler's Wife."
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Monday, Bloody Monday
So I've started exercizing again. I started riding my bike again on Monday. It probably wasn't the smartest decision to start my exercizing the same day I start my period, but I did. Probably the "I feel so fat" feeling had something to do with that. I have rode my bike for over an hour for 3 days now. The first day I rode over to Papago Park. There was alot of uphill (I think I actually had to put the bike in 1st gear, which is totally pathetic), which kind of killed my out- of- practice- just- started- my- period self, but then I finally got through the park and got to McDowell I got to go through the mountains (hellish uphill at first) but then it is all down hill all the way to like 52nd street. Awesome. Worth the uphill hell. Then I went just everywhere, through little neighborhoods. That day was ok. It was yesterday that hurt. I am not used to cycling and neither is my ass. My ass hurt, my lower back hurt and all my female insides hurt. They always do though, just more on my period. And I'm probably fucking anemic so that doesn't help. But I didn't let it stop me. It was much better today. I didn't push as hard, but I still went for an hour. And I feel ok. I just live on Tylenol when I ride. But thats ok. My liver has alot of practice with the amount of alcohol I've trained it with.
So I am going to ride everyday. I think I am going to ride at least to work every time I work, if not back also. That way at least I get some riding in when I work. It is lighter at night now, so it is safer and easier. I think I have found my thing. I really like riding. I liked running, but my boobs just can't handle it. I'm probably doing more aesthetic damage than improvement. And when I get my surgery, I don't want to ruin them. I feel good when I ride. I am going to get a bike for Royce and we can ride together. I was 176.6 this morning. Down a little bit. I'm just going to concentrate on increments of 10 pounds, until I get to 120. I don't need to be any heavier than 120, unless I gain alot of muscle, which I would like to eventually, and then maybe 130. Either way, I need to get to 170 right now. 6 pounds. Recently I have quit drinking soda and eating fast food. For awhile there I was eating fast food everyday. So I know those two things have helped. And I know when my period is over I will go down about a pound or two, I always do. So we will see where I am in a few days. I am going to switch from soda to coffee at work at night.
Royce and I had a disagreement about my plan. My plan is to move more and make better food choices. I can't count every calorie, it drives me nuts and I never stick to it. If Serena Williams eats pizza everyday she still is not going to get fat. Cause she moves. Alot. Royce wants to train me, make workouts for me, thinks I should have a very structured plan, and wants to do it together. I don't want this. I will exercise alot and regularly, eat better, and thats how I'm doing it. I'm an alcoholic, I know this, and I'm ok with it. I'm not going to give up alcohol. I like it, I enjoy it, and I like how it makes me feel. I just have to cut down. And I have, and I will continue to do so. I love wine. And thats the way things are. I'm going to join a yoga class when I am 150. I know Tracy, it shouldn't be about that, and it "doesn't matter" what my weight it - but it does to me, and thats when I'm starting. I will do my video tape at home until then. I am going to try and get that weight loss progress meter that Stacey has at the top of her blog.
I have two years before my 20 year reunion. Literally. I've got to start now. And for oh so many other reasons. I want to work at a strip club. Not stripping, I'm too old for that, but waitressing. And I can't do it looking like Supersized Ugly Betty (actually I think Ugly Betty is very pretty, but you know what I mean.) I really want to do that someday. I would so love to work there. And I will. I'm getting really close to 40, and you know what? I don't care. I'm going to do whatever I want regardless of how old I am or what people think. Marissa Tomei and Demi Moore are WAY hotter in their 40's than they ever were before. And I want to look good for Royce. I want to be able to go out with him and be fucking hot. So I will.
I've come to the realization lately that I don't take very good care of myself. I've always been low maintnance, and proud of it. But lately I've realized it has gone way too far beyond that. I have one pair of shoes. Yes ONE. My work shoes, My super comfy work clogs that I wear everywhere. Do yardwork in them, go to the store in them, go to work in them, ride my bike in them. I honestly don't own another pair of shoes. This is wrong. I need to go shoe shopping. I never have my hair or nails done professionally. I never get a wax. I don't have a skin routine, never do cleanser or moisterizer. Never tan. And lately I have run out of makeup. And it hurts my eyes at night, so I have just stopped wearing it. And I have hardly any clothes, and neither does Royce. So I've decided to change this after I get caught up a little better on bills. I'm going to have arcrylic nails put on (I've never had this done), and it will be a french manicure. I'm going to get my hair done at a salon, lots of layers like those really hot strippers have (except MY hair is real, not extensions), and I'm going to have a few platinum streaks put in just for shits and giggles, and I - yes I Barb - am going to get a Brazilian wax. And hopefully by the time my finances are ready for all that I will weigh a little less.
So I am going to ride everyday. I think I am going to ride at least to work every time I work, if not back also. That way at least I get some riding in when I work. It is lighter at night now, so it is safer and easier. I think I have found my thing. I really like riding. I liked running, but my boobs just can't handle it. I'm probably doing more aesthetic damage than improvement. And when I get my surgery, I don't want to ruin them. I feel good when I ride. I am going to get a bike for Royce and we can ride together. I was 176.6 this morning. Down a little bit. I'm just going to concentrate on increments of 10 pounds, until I get to 120. I don't need to be any heavier than 120, unless I gain alot of muscle, which I would like to eventually, and then maybe 130. Either way, I need to get to 170 right now. 6 pounds. Recently I have quit drinking soda and eating fast food. For awhile there I was eating fast food everyday. So I know those two things have helped. And I know when my period is over I will go down about a pound or two, I always do. So we will see where I am in a few days. I am going to switch from soda to coffee at work at night.
Royce and I had a disagreement about my plan. My plan is to move more and make better food choices. I can't count every calorie, it drives me nuts and I never stick to it. If Serena Williams eats pizza everyday she still is not going to get fat. Cause she moves. Alot. Royce wants to train me, make workouts for me, thinks I should have a very structured plan, and wants to do it together. I don't want this. I will exercise alot and regularly, eat better, and thats how I'm doing it. I'm an alcoholic, I know this, and I'm ok with it. I'm not going to give up alcohol. I like it, I enjoy it, and I like how it makes me feel. I just have to cut down. And I have, and I will continue to do so. I love wine. And thats the way things are. I'm going to join a yoga class when I am 150. I know Tracy, it shouldn't be about that, and it "doesn't matter" what my weight it - but it does to me, and thats when I'm starting. I will do my video tape at home until then. I am going to try and get that weight loss progress meter that Stacey has at the top of her blog.
I have two years before my 20 year reunion. Literally. I've got to start now. And for oh so many other reasons. I want to work at a strip club. Not stripping, I'm too old for that, but waitressing. And I can't do it looking like Supersized Ugly Betty (actually I think Ugly Betty is very pretty, but you know what I mean.) I really want to do that someday. I would so love to work there. And I will. I'm getting really close to 40, and you know what? I don't care. I'm going to do whatever I want regardless of how old I am or what people think. Marissa Tomei and Demi Moore are WAY hotter in their 40's than they ever were before. And I want to look good for Royce. I want to be able to go out with him and be fucking hot. So I will.
I've come to the realization lately that I don't take very good care of myself. I've always been low maintnance, and proud of it. But lately I've realized it has gone way too far beyond that. I have one pair of shoes. Yes ONE. My work shoes, My super comfy work clogs that I wear everywhere. Do yardwork in them, go to the store in them, go to work in them, ride my bike in them. I honestly don't own another pair of shoes. This is wrong. I need to go shoe shopping. I never have my hair or nails done professionally. I never get a wax. I don't have a skin routine, never do cleanser or moisterizer. Never tan. And lately I have run out of makeup. And it hurts my eyes at night, so I have just stopped wearing it. And I have hardly any clothes, and neither does Royce. So I've decided to change this after I get caught up a little better on bills. I'm going to have arcrylic nails put on (I've never had this done), and it will be a french manicure. I'm going to get my hair done at a salon, lots of layers like those really hot strippers have (except MY hair is real, not extensions), and I'm going to have a few platinum streaks put in just for shits and giggles, and I - yes I Barb - am going to get a Brazilian wax. And hopefully by the time my finances are ready for all that I will weigh a little less.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
I think this last one is my favorite.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
The Goddess Party
HAPPY SPRING EVERYONE !!!
The party was wonderful, Nikki I so wish you could have been there. We all met at my favorite restaurant, The Golden Buddha http://www.goldenbuddhaphx.com/. I love it there so much. We had a nice dinner, and everyone got to know each other. We sat right by the back window by the balcony and the pond. There was someone playing the piano. We stayed from about 7:45 till about 9. Then we all went to my house. Our little procession from the restaurant, traveling one whole half a mile to my house managed to lose Jenn at a red light. But I called her and she found my house. We went outside to the back yard, I had dry ice with lots of "smoke", and candles. It was extremely windy. The candle wouldn't stay lit. I was a little upset about this, but Heather thought the wind was wonderful. Perfect I think was the word she used. And when I think about it, it was perfect. Very windy. I thought my canopy was going to blow over. Heather W brought me a present. A little bag with a wonderful book bag with a wiccan symbol on it, a windchime with little pentagrams on it, and a spell casting candle. She got everything in Sedona. It makes me feel so good that she would think of me. I love all of the things.So I got out the wine and the chocolate and started the fire and we sat and talked for a little while. The kids were so curious, I let them come out for awhile. Lyndsey sat in the window and watched for a long time. I let her help a little, and let her come outside and sit with us for awhile. Then she went to my mom's for the night. And Ryan was so excited about the party for days. He had been saying he was the "Giver" of the party with me. So he kept coming up to me saying, "Mom, I'm the Giver." He helped alot. He brought sodas to us, got more wine, and just helped in general. It made him so happy. I don't want to be one of those moms that sequester their kids to their rooms when Mommy's friends come over. So the kids got to stay for awhile.I gave everyone the little "books" I had made (info on henna, tarot,the Equinox, etc). Then after a little while I did a tarot reading on Heather M. I am so glad that she was still pregnant and got to come. She was over 36 weeks at that point, ( 8 months), and ready to go. I am so glad she was able to come. We did the reading a little different too, I didn't know the question. This is a very interesting technique - this way I can't read anything into it. And she said it was very accurate. It was really weird, the whole time we were doing tarot the wind was blowing violently. We actually had to hold the cards down with pieces of chocolate. As soon as we stopped it stopped. A little while later, maybe 90 minuts later, we picked up the deck to do another reading, this time on Heather W, and the wind started up again. Weird.No one else had a question, so Jenn did a past life reading on Heather M also. Which also turned out to be very strange. We drank more wine, talked some more, got to know each other better. Loida had to leave after a little while, actually it was probably about 1 am. We chatted a little more. Jenn left after that cause she had to catch a plane the next day. Then we did henna tattoos. I did one on Heather M's arm, Heather W's leg, and Sydney's arm. The all turned out pretty good. Royce came out every so often and joined us. At about 1:30 we did out spells. Both Heathers did one. It was the spell to strengthen the bond between you and your kids. It was very dark, and so perfect. They got to take the little charm home. I walked them both out to their cars and gave hugs and said goodbye. Then Matt and Tyler and Sydney helped me clean up a little.
Royce was so wonderful. He watched all 8 kids, mine and Loida's, kept them quiet and got them pizza. He is so wonderful. Thank you so much Royce for helping me have my party.
The whole night was wonderful. A whole celebration of friends and femaleness and wine and spirituality. I just wish Robin and Nikki could have come. I'm glad that Loida got to meet Jenn and the Heathers, that I got to see Heather W - it has been SO long, that Heather M got to have a nice night with me before she has her baby, and that I got to see Jenn outside of work.
Everything was windy, mysitcal, cloudy, dark, warm, intoxicating, magical and sensual.
I am going to do another one at the Autumnal Equinox. I'm already thinking about it.
I took pictures and will post them here when I get them developed.
I love my friends. Next to my family, they are my greatest posession.
The party was wonderful, Nikki I so wish you could have been there. We all met at my favorite restaurant, The Golden Buddha http://www.goldenbuddhaphx.com/. I love it there so much. We had a nice dinner, and everyone got to know each other. We sat right by the back window by the balcony and the pond. There was someone playing the piano. We stayed from about 7:45 till about 9. Then we all went to my house. Our little procession from the restaurant, traveling one whole half a mile to my house managed to lose Jenn at a red light. But I called her and she found my house. We went outside to the back yard, I had dry ice with lots of "smoke", and candles. It was extremely windy. The candle wouldn't stay lit. I was a little upset about this, but Heather thought the wind was wonderful. Perfect I think was the word she used. And when I think about it, it was perfect. Very windy. I thought my canopy was going to blow over. Heather W brought me a present. A little bag with a wonderful book bag with a wiccan symbol on it, a windchime with little pentagrams on it, and a spell casting candle. She got everything in Sedona. It makes me feel so good that she would think of me. I love all of the things.So I got out the wine and the chocolate and started the fire and we sat and talked for a little while. The kids were so curious, I let them come out for awhile. Lyndsey sat in the window and watched for a long time. I let her help a little, and let her come outside and sit with us for awhile. Then she went to my mom's for the night. And Ryan was so excited about the party for days. He had been saying he was the "Giver" of the party with me. So he kept coming up to me saying, "Mom, I'm the Giver." He helped alot. He brought sodas to us, got more wine, and just helped in general. It made him so happy. I don't want to be one of those moms that sequester their kids to their rooms when Mommy's friends come over. So the kids got to stay for awhile.I gave everyone the little "books" I had made (info on henna, tarot,the Equinox, etc). Then after a little while I did a tarot reading on Heather M. I am so glad that she was still pregnant and got to come. She was over 36 weeks at that point, ( 8 months), and ready to go. I am so glad she was able to come. We did the reading a little different too, I didn't know the question. This is a very interesting technique - this way I can't read anything into it. And she said it was very accurate. It was really weird, the whole time we were doing tarot the wind was blowing violently. We actually had to hold the cards down with pieces of chocolate. As soon as we stopped it stopped. A little while later, maybe 90 minuts later, we picked up the deck to do another reading, this time on Heather W, and the wind started up again. Weird.No one else had a question, so Jenn did a past life reading on Heather M also. Which also turned out to be very strange. We drank more wine, talked some more, got to know each other better. Loida had to leave after a little while, actually it was probably about 1 am. We chatted a little more. Jenn left after that cause she had to catch a plane the next day. Then we did henna tattoos. I did one on Heather M's arm, Heather W's leg, and Sydney's arm. The all turned out pretty good. Royce came out every so often and joined us. At about 1:30 we did out spells. Both Heathers did one. It was the spell to strengthen the bond between you and your kids. It was very dark, and so perfect. They got to take the little charm home. I walked them both out to their cars and gave hugs and said goodbye. Then Matt and Tyler and Sydney helped me clean up a little.
Royce was so wonderful. He watched all 8 kids, mine and Loida's, kept them quiet and got them pizza. He is so wonderful. Thank you so much Royce for helping me have my party.
The whole night was wonderful. A whole celebration of friends and femaleness and wine and spirituality. I just wish Robin and Nikki could have come. I'm glad that Loida got to meet Jenn and the Heathers, that I got to see Heather W - it has been SO long, that Heather M got to have a nice night with me before she has her baby, and that I got to see Jenn outside of work.
Everything was windy, mysitcal, cloudy, dark, warm, intoxicating, magical and sensual.
I am going to do another one at the Autumnal Equinox. I'm already thinking about it.
I took pictures and will post them here when I get them developed.
I love my friends. Next to my family, they are my greatest posession.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
I'm Maxine, Definately Maxine
From another one of my precious friends...........
Are you a Martha
or Maxine?
Martha: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Maxine: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!
Martha: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Maxine:Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix , keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Maxine:Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.
Martha: If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
Maxine: If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"
Martha: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Maxine: Celery? Never heard of it!
Martha: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Maxine: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.
Martha: Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Maxine: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!
Martha: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Maxine: Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
Martha: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine: Leftover wine??????????? HELLO !!!!!!!
Are you a Martha
or Maxine?
Martha: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.Maxine: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!
Martha: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Maxine:Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix , keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Maxine:Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.
Martha: If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
Maxine: If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"
Martha: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Maxine: Celery? Never heard of it!
Martha: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Maxine: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.
Martha: Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Maxine: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!
Martha: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Maxine: Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
Martha: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine: Leftover wine??????????? HELLO !!!!!!!
Thanks Loida
And I had to add one:
Martha: When you are incarcerated for cheating all your faithful investors, hold your head up high, decorate your cell appropriately, and keep your spirits up by realizing how much better you are than the average criminal around you
Maxine: If you ever find yourself in the big house, find someone cute, get a prison tatoo, and don't drop the soap
I love my friends
I got this email from a friend today. I love my friends.
(So much that I'm even having a party for them tomorrow)
Subject: International Disadvantaged People's Day
Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day.
Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend...just as I've done.
I don't care if you lick windows, screw farm animals, take the short bus or occasionally shit yourself...
You hang in there sunshine, you're fucking special.
(Thanks Jenn. I literally laughed out loud at my computer.
I love you too.)
(So much that I'm even having a party for them tomorrow)
Subject: International Disadvantaged People's Day
Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day.
Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend...just as I've done.
I don't care if you lick windows, screw farm animals, take the short bus or occasionally shit yourself...
You hang in there sunshine, you're fucking special.
(Thanks Jenn. I literally laughed out loud at my computer.
I love you too.)
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Mi MySpace es Su MySpace
So we decided to go to the Breakroom down the street. Obnoxious carioke ( I didn't spell that right), stiff drinks, and a loud rough crowd. Okay, some of the singing was ok. Some of it I needed another drink for. But it was fun. Its a very interracial place, where there are lots of different races, and everyone always gets along. That is probably my favorite thing about it. I had one Long Island and a burger. Yum.
You know, I really am trying to find my way, find peace, embrace the good things, to stay away from negativity and do my own thing. And somehow it just follows me, it buzzes around like a pesky fly. I keep swatting it, and leaving the vacinity, but it always finds me. I leave these people alone, why do they insist on pushing? So out of the blue a couple of days ago I get this message from my brother-in-law on MySpace. Remember that little heated discussion we had about a month ago? (My post about it was on Feb. 13, called "Sinners and Salvia"). Apparently he has recently taken my MySpace apart with a fine toothed comb and decided to write me about it.
Here is my MySpace to refer to: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=68417136
This is the message from John (bad boy gone good and now studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses, mirroring Christ's life):
Do you realize how many pervs are on myspace? (nice bathtub pics of the kids..) You said your mom raised you to be a 7th Day Adventist, my brother was raised to be a Jehovah's Witness, just curious, how do you expect your kids to turn out the way you taught them, when you (and my brother) didn't turn out the way you were taught.. (It's funny how kids grow up) I wish you the best of luck on that cherry red stingray corvette, considering those things are in the stratosphere... and you have 5 kids to raise You said you wanted to meet Jenna Jameson, just curious would you let your children meet her? ( and tell them what she does for a living? anal among other things....) BTW you got "my roycie" listed as #1 but the pic is Brad Pitt... pwned 1 last thing there seemed to be some man hatred in your blogs... mebbe you have poor taste, or mebbe it's just you AND... Tyler and Ryan will be men someday... will you hate on them when they grow up like my man hating mom did to me and my brother? Don't throw stones in glass houses. I took your criticism, and answered honestly. Can you do the same? BTW you said i dont respect women.. I do not respect women that fall under these classes... (FYI) 1. Crackwhores who have crackbabies 2. Prostitutes 3. Drug Addicts 4. Users (losers that need ppl cuz they can't do it on their own) 5. Welfare takers (because they are too lazy to get educated) 6. Irresponsible baby makers (that expect a man to devote their life unconditionally because the female got pregnant, this is a 2 way street, TAKES TWO TO TANGO) 7. Nagging complaining women who wouldn't put up with a nagging complaining man 8. Women who go for the "bad boys" then expect the nice guy to raise their children 9. Control Freaks 10. Any woman who thinks she is superior All people are equal It's bad choices that make them trash. One last thing that you misquoted me on, I said (to Tyler) DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH SINGLE PREGNANT WOMEN, if you do, which I REALLY DO NOT RECOMMEND, get out before she has the kid... she already made one poor choice, are you gonna be the next? It will cost you sooo much money that you won't be able to pursue your dreams, so if you do get involved with a pregnant woman (a very bad choice) leave before the kid is born, otherwise she will expect you to raise her mistake. And as far as my grammar is concerned, I try to communicate with people on the same level as they are on, if you believe that Tyler and his friends refer to condoms instead of rubbers (when you are not around) you are sorely mistaken. Honestly, I really do not care what life you choose to lead, I wish you the best of luck in your choices. But as I will not ( and have not given you a hard time about the life you choose to lead, nor have I judged you...) I demand that you do not attack my beliefs or choices in life. Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you (As you have done to me, I have done to you also.) BTW Feel free to talk to my kids anytime you want about anything you desire. No matter what their age is. I believe you are an educated woman, and I have no doubt that you have words of wisdom that could benefit their lives. Sincerely, John
This was my response:
John,
I wasn't sure how to message you and go back to your message at the same time. So I decided to email you. Hope this is ok.
In response to what you wrote:
-Yes I know there are pervs out there. They are everywhere. Its not going to prevent me from putting a photograph I love on my site. Nor do I think I have endangered my children by doing so.
-Yes I am not raising my children with religion, the way I was raised. I hope they grow up to treat people with respect and be generous and kind. These are the things I hope to instill in them. And I believe that they will turn out this way and listen to my beliefs because I am loving to them and respect them. My mom did not ever treat me with respect, and often was unkind. This is why I didn't embrace her beliefs as an adult. And if your mom was a man hater and treated her boys like that, she wasn't kind either. Maybe this is why you and Royce do not have her beliefs. Its about how you are treated. Not about rejecting something simply to be different from how you were raised.
-As far as the corvette goes, material things aren't that important to me, but I do love Harley's and Corvettes. I do have 5 children, which are expensive, but I make from $35 to $80 dollars an hour in a profession with extreme job security. My paycheck right before Chrismas was over $9000 take home. So if I want it bad enough, I will work hard for it and have it. I have that power.
-I would love to meet Jenna Jameson. Yes I would tell my children who she is and what she does, and I would let them meet her. Its nothing to be ashamed of. She is intelligent and beautiful. And Tyler already knows who she is. And I'm ok with that.
-"My Royce" is everything to me. He is the sexiest best looking wonderful guy I have ever been with, and the best lover I have ever had. Royce and I both are highly sexual creatures and there are other beautiful people that we are highly attracted to. Brad Pitt along with Johnny Depp, and the rest on my list are fucking hot and beautiful specimans. I am not blind or dead and neither is Royce. And we trust each other completly. Enough said.
-As far as the man bashing goes, I'm not sure what statements you were referring to, but I'm sure I have made statements like that. I know I had poor taste with my ex-husband and with some of the other guys I've been with. And I'm sure part of the problems were my fault. But because of Royce I have learned that men are not evil, like I thought they were, and women are not evil. There are evil people. There are men that cheat and rape and kill and not pay child support, and there are women that abort their babies, smoke crack while they are pregnant, mooch off guys, and murder their children. It is a people thing. There are bad people and good people. Once I realized this, it helped me inside.
-I am raising two children that will be men. I do not hate men, therefore will not hate them when they are adult men. They will always be my babies. I hope I raise them to treat people good, and I hope my girls turn out this way as well.
I am sorry that you have so many issues that you have not dealt with, I am sorry that you were treated badly by your mother, and I am sorry that you are so angry. I have alot of anger too. But I am learning to not be angry and I am finding my place. I am finding peace. But I had to get away from religion to do it.
You obviously have alot of issues with women. I really don't care if you respect us or not. I married Royce, not you. I hope Michelle doesn't turn out to be one of these women, with the specific character traits that you listed. I hope she is someone you can respect, and I hope you both work out all of your problems. I seems like you are.
I was pregnant and single with Ryan. And he was not a "poor choice". He is beautiful and I don't know what I would do without him. I have never expected Royce to be responsible for him or the other three kids. I never expected him to raise my "mistake" as you put it. They are not his children. But Ryan did something to Royce and they are father and son. I had nothing to do with it, but I am very blessed that it happened. And Royce is ecstatic to take Ryan on.
I am sorry things got heated and ridiculous that night. I am sorry that you consider someone questioning your beliefs and disagreeing with them an "attack". I never intended to attack you. I'm sorry it came across like that.
You words in this last message to me could be taken as an attack. Some low blows were attempted. I really don't care what you think about me or any other woman, or my life. Like I said, I married Royce, not you. And I know I got the better brother. You remind me of that everytime I see you. Lots of little things. Even your wife made a comment one time about how I got the good one, how she wished you were like Royce.
There probably won't ever be a chance for me to say anything to your children. I will be staying away. I won't put myself around negativity, or religious insanity, or drama. I've made alot of choices and changes to stay away from those things.
I also have been as honest as I can.
Barb
Enough said. I won't respond again.
PLEASE QUIT TRYING TO EITHER SAVE ME OR ATTACK ME !!!!
Sometimes I just want to live on an island.
Have a nice fucking day everyone.
You know, I really am trying to find my way, find peace, embrace the good things, to stay away from negativity and do my own thing. And somehow it just follows me, it buzzes around like a pesky fly. I keep swatting it, and leaving the vacinity, but it always finds me. I leave these people alone, why do they insist on pushing? So out of the blue a couple of days ago I get this message from my brother-in-law on MySpace. Remember that little heated discussion we had about a month ago? (My post about it was on Feb. 13, called "Sinners and Salvia"). Apparently he has recently taken my MySpace apart with a fine toothed comb and decided to write me about it.
Here is my MySpace to refer to: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=68417136
This is the message from John (bad boy gone good and now studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses, mirroring Christ's life):
Do you realize how many pervs are on myspace? (nice bathtub pics of the kids..) You said your mom raised you to be a 7th Day Adventist, my brother was raised to be a Jehovah's Witness, just curious, how do you expect your kids to turn out the way you taught them, when you (and my brother) didn't turn out the way you were taught.. (It's funny how kids grow up) I wish you the best of luck on that cherry red stingray corvette, considering those things are in the stratosphere... and you have 5 kids to raise You said you wanted to meet Jenna Jameson, just curious would you let your children meet her? ( and tell them what she does for a living? anal among other things....) BTW you got "my roycie" listed as #1 but the pic is Brad Pitt... pwned 1 last thing there seemed to be some man hatred in your blogs... mebbe you have poor taste, or mebbe it's just you AND... Tyler and Ryan will be men someday... will you hate on them when they grow up like my man hating mom did to me and my brother? Don't throw stones in glass houses. I took your criticism, and answered honestly. Can you do the same? BTW you said i dont respect women.. I do not respect women that fall under these classes... (FYI) 1. Crackwhores who have crackbabies 2. Prostitutes 3. Drug Addicts 4. Users (losers that need ppl cuz they can't do it on their own) 5. Welfare takers (because they are too lazy to get educated) 6. Irresponsible baby makers (that expect a man to devote their life unconditionally because the female got pregnant, this is a 2 way street, TAKES TWO TO TANGO) 7. Nagging complaining women who wouldn't put up with a nagging complaining man 8. Women who go for the "bad boys" then expect the nice guy to raise their children 9. Control Freaks 10. Any woman who thinks she is superior All people are equal It's bad choices that make them trash. One last thing that you misquoted me on, I said (to Tyler) DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH SINGLE PREGNANT WOMEN, if you do, which I REALLY DO NOT RECOMMEND, get out before she has the kid... she already made one poor choice, are you gonna be the next? It will cost you sooo much money that you won't be able to pursue your dreams, so if you do get involved with a pregnant woman (a very bad choice) leave before the kid is born, otherwise she will expect you to raise her mistake. And as far as my grammar is concerned, I try to communicate with people on the same level as they are on, if you believe that Tyler and his friends refer to condoms instead of rubbers (when you are not around) you are sorely mistaken. Honestly, I really do not care what life you choose to lead, I wish you the best of luck in your choices. But as I will not ( and have not given you a hard time about the life you choose to lead, nor have I judged you...) I demand that you do not attack my beliefs or choices in life. Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you (As you have done to me, I have done to you also.) BTW Feel free to talk to my kids anytime you want about anything you desire. No matter what their age is. I believe you are an educated woman, and I have no doubt that you have words of wisdom that could benefit their lives. Sincerely, John
This was my response:
John,
I wasn't sure how to message you and go back to your message at the same time. So I decided to email you. Hope this is ok.
In response to what you wrote:
-Yes I know there are pervs out there. They are everywhere. Its not going to prevent me from putting a photograph I love on my site. Nor do I think I have endangered my children by doing so.
-Yes I am not raising my children with religion, the way I was raised. I hope they grow up to treat people with respect and be generous and kind. These are the things I hope to instill in them. And I believe that they will turn out this way and listen to my beliefs because I am loving to them and respect them. My mom did not ever treat me with respect, and often was unkind. This is why I didn't embrace her beliefs as an adult. And if your mom was a man hater and treated her boys like that, she wasn't kind either. Maybe this is why you and Royce do not have her beliefs. Its about how you are treated. Not about rejecting something simply to be different from how you were raised.
-As far as the corvette goes, material things aren't that important to me, but I do love Harley's and Corvettes. I do have 5 children, which are expensive, but I make from $35 to $80 dollars an hour in a profession with extreme job security. My paycheck right before Chrismas was over $9000 take home. So if I want it bad enough, I will work hard for it and have it. I have that power.
-I would love to meet Jenna Jameson. Yes I would tell my children who she is and what she does, and I would let them meet her. Its nothing to be ashamed of. She is intelligent and beautiful. And Tyler already knows who she is. And I'm ok with that.
-"My Royce" is everything to me. He is the sexiest best looking wonderful guy I have ever been with, and the best lover I have ever had. Royce and I both are highly sexual creatures and there are other beautiful people that we are highly attracted to. Brad Pitt along with Johnny Depp, and the rest on my list are fucking hot and beautiful specimans. I am not blind or dead and neither is Royce. And we trust each other completly. Enough said.
-As far as the man bashing goes, I'm not sure what statements you were referring to, but I'm sure I have made statements like that. I know I had poor taste with my ex-husband and with some of the other guys I've been with. And I'm sure part of the problems were my fault. But because of Royce I have learned that men are not evil, like I thought they were, and women are not evil. There are evil people. There are men that cheat and rape and kill and not pay child support, and there are women that abort their babies, smoke crack while they are pregnant, mooch off guys, and murder their children. It is a people thing. There are bad people and good people. Once I realized this, it helped me inside.
-I am raising two children that will be men. I do not hate men, therefore will not hate them when they are adult men. They will always be my babies. I hope I raise them to treat people good, and I hope my girls turn out this way as well.
I am sorry that you have so many issues that you have not dealt with, I am sorry that you were treated badly by your mother, and I am sorry that you are so angry. I have alot of anger too. But I am learning to not be angry and I am finding my place. I am finding peace. But I had to get away from religion to do it.
You obviously have alot of issues with women. I really don't care if you respect us or not. I married Royce, not you. I hope Michelle doesn't turn out to be one of these women, with the specific character traits that you listed. I hope she is someone you can respect, and I hope you both work out all of your problems. I seems like you are.
I was pregnant and single with Ryan. And he was not a "poor choice". He is beautiful and I don't know what I would do without him. I have never expected Royce to be responsible for him or the other three kids. I never expected him to raise my "mistake" as you put it. They are not his children. But Ryan did something to Royce and they are father and son. I had nothing to do with it, but I am very blessed that it happened. And Royce is ecstatic to take Ryan on.
I am sorry things got heated and ridiculous that night. I am sorry that you consider someone questioning your beliefs and disagreeing with them an "attack". I never intended to attack you. I'm sorry it came across like that.
You words in this last message to me could be taken as an attack. Some low blows were attempted. I really don't care what you think about me or any other woman, or my life. Like I said, I married Royce, not you. And I know I got the better brother. You remind me of that everytime I see you. Lots of little things. Even your wife made a comment one time about how I got the good one, how she wished you were like Royce.
There probably won't ever be a chance for me to say anything to your children. I will be staying away. I won't put myself around negativity, or religious insanity, or drama. I've made alot of choices and changes to stay away from those things.
I also have been as honest as I can.
Barb
Enough said. I won't respond again.
PLEASE QUIT TRYING TO EITHER SAVE ME OR ATTACK ME !!!!
Sometimes I just want to live on an island.
Have a nice fucking day everyone.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
"You've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky?"
(borrowed from Dirty Harry)
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY !!!!!!
Being Irish myself, I have to wish you all, the Irish and the non, a very Happy St. Patrick's Day. Gonna have to have me a green Guiness or two today methinks. Maybe at some nice little Irish pub. Don't have many green things to wear - maybe I'll put on some scrubs from work - or not.
Is it just me or is it kinda funny that St. Patricks Day - when enormous amounts of alcohol are consumed, and the fact that most Irish are Catholic - falls during Lent? It is Lent, right? Hmmmmm................maybe its not a coincidence. Maybe it was all planned that way.
So I did a spell the other day. Not only did one, but created one. I needed something to happen, and I couldn't find an appropriate spell in my book. So I thought, hell, I'll find some ingredients that are meaningful, kind of go by the other spells I know, and what the hell - try it. The other spells were made by someone originally, right?
And POOF, all my kids turned into little froggys.
JUST KIDDING !!
The spell worked. I'm getting better at this. And more and more fascinated.
What I am learning is that it is all in the intention. That spells can be done perfectly, if the moon is in the right phase (which it wasn't), if it is the right day of the week, if the right words are spoken. But they don't have to be done "perfectly" by the book. They can be done anywhere, anytime, even if all the circumstances are not perfect, although everything helps, and everything affects it. But the most important thing is the intent. The energy of focused intent. Its kind of funny, because really when you think about it, spells, prayer, meditation - these are all really the same thing. I did some praying too. Yes, I still do that. I need to start a Book of Shadows and record all the spells I do, the time and date, and the results of it.
Have any of you seen the moon recently? If you get a chance look at it tonight. It is just a tiny slice. Kinda cool. It will be waxing at my party. Perfect. Only 4 days till my party. I'm so excited.
There is someone that I used to be friends with and very close to. Jerry. Life happened and different paths were chosen. I would like to think that we would still be friends if our paths crossed again. Much time and space have passed. But there will always be a very special place in my heart for him. I always remember that his wedding anniversary is on March 17, St. Patrick's Day. I would like to wish him and Shannon a very Happy Anniversary and send good energy his way. If I could I would let him know how happy I am that he is happy and that life turned out good for him and that he found someone very special to spend it with. I always wanted only good things for him. And they happened. And he deserves it.
Painting my floor today - yes painting. I am alone right now. Older kids with Kirk, and Royce and the two little ones are at his parents house visiting Grandma Joyce and Jim Bob. It feels weird to be all alone in the house. Its nice to have some time to get things done. And just be with myself though.
Happy St.Patrick's Day everyone. May your hearts be full and all your beers green today!
Friday, March 16, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Why I hate christians.......number 874.......
(this is becoming a recurring theme)
http://gofreenow.blogspot.com/
Informing someone that they are immoral to keep them from injuring themselves, how fucking thoughtful of you all. Condescending freaks. You should be thankful there is ANY enrollment in our armed forces with Bush in charge.
(and you know the gay bashers all have either kiddy porn, a mistress, handcuffs and a whip, or a raging STD )
Like I said, please please throw the first stone. We all know how that story turned out.
Once again, its not Jesus - its is fucking fan club. The psyche ward.
http://gofreenow.blogspot.com/
Informing someone that they are immoral to keep them from injuring themselves, how fucking thoughtful of you all. Condescending freaks. You should be thankful there is ANY enrollment in our armed forces with Bush in charge.
(and you know the gay bashers all have either kiddy porn, a mistress, handcuffs and a whip, or a raging STD )
Like I said, please please throw the first stone. We all know how that story turned out.
Once again, its not Jesus - its is fucking fan club. The psyche ward.
Hmmmmmmm......................
Just a little something we all should know......
THIS WILL OPEN YOUR EYES!
By Paul Harvey
Conveniently Forgotten Facts. Back in 1969 a group of Black Panthers decided that a fellow black panther named Alex Rackley needed to die. Rackley was suspected of disloyalty. Rackley was first tied to a chair. Once safely immobilized, his friends tortured him for hours by, among other things, pouring boiling water on him. When they got tired of torturing Rackley, Black Panther member, Warren Kimbo took Rackley outside and put a bullet in his head. Rackley's body was later found floating in a river about 25 miles north of New Haven , Connecticut
Perhaps at this point you're curious as to what happened to these Black Panthers? In 1977, that's only eight years later, only one of the killers was still in jail. The shooter, Warren Kimbro, managed to get a scholarship to Harvard and became good friends with none other than Al Gore. He later became an assistant dean at an eastern Connecticut State College . Isn't that something? As a '60s radical you can pump a bullet into someone's head and a few years later, in the same state, you can become an assistant college dean! Only in America! Erica Huggins was the woman who served the Panthers by boiling the water for Mr. Rackley's torture. Some years later Ms. Huggins was elected to a California School Board.
How in the world do you think these killers got off so easy? Maybe it was in some part due to the efforts of two people who came to the defense of the Panthers. These two people actually went so far as to shut down Yale University with demonstrations in defense of the accused Black Panthers during their trial. One of these people was none other than Bill Lan Lee. He isn' t a member of a California School Board. He is now head of the United States Justice Department's Civil Rights Division, appointed by none other than Bill Clinton.
O.K., so who was the other Panther defender? Is this other notable Panther defender now a school board member? Is this other Panther apologist now an assistant college dean? No, neither! The other Panther defender was, like Lee, a radical law student at Yale University at the time. She is now known as the "smartest woman in the world." She is none other than the Democratic Senator from the state of New York our former First Lady, the incredible Hillary Rodham Clinton. And now, as Paul Harvey said; "You know the rest of the story."
This is confirmed by SNOPES.COM
Just another brick in the wall of why I am starting to believe ONLY in my inner circle. And thats it!
THIS WILL OPEN YOUR EYES!
By Paul Harvey
Conveniently Forgotten Facts. Back in 1969 a group of Black Panthers decided that a fellow black panther named Alex Rackley needed to die. Rackley was suspected of disloyalty. Rackley was first tied to a chair. Once safely immobilized, his friends tortured him for hours by, among other things, pouring boiling water on him. When they got tired of torturing Rackley, Black Panther member, Warren Kimbo took Rackley outside and put a bullet in his head. Rackley's body was later found floating in a river about 25 miles north of New Haven , Connecticut
Perhaps at this point you're curious as to what happened to these Black Panthers? In 1977, that's only eight years later, only one of the killers was still in jail. The shooter, Warren Kimbro, managed to get a scholarship to Harvard and became good friends with none other than Al Gore. He later became an assistant dean at an eastern Connecticut State College . Isn't that something? As a '60s radical you can pump a bullet into someone's head and a few years later, in the same state, you can become an assistant college dean! Only in America! Erica Huggins was the woman who served the Panthers by boiling the water for Mr. Rackley's torture. Some years later Ms. Huggins was elected to a California School Board.
How in the world do you think these killers got off so easy? Maybe it was in some part due to the efforts of two people who came to the defense of the Panthers. These two people actually went so far as to shut down Yale University with demonstrations in defense of the accused Black Panthers during their trial. One of these people was none other than Bill Lan Lee. He isn' t a member of a California School Board. He is now head of the United States Justice Department's Civil Rights Division, appointed by none other than Bill Clinton.
O.K., so who was the other Panther defender? Is this other notable Panther defender now a school board member? Is this other Panther apologist now an assistant college dean? No, neither! The other Panther defender was, like Lee, a radical law student at Yale University at the time. She is now known as the "smartest woman in the world." She is none other than the Democratic Senator from the state of New York our former First Lady, the incredible Hillary Rodham Clinton. And now, as Paul Harvey said; "You know the rest of the story."
This is confirmed by SNOPES.COM
Just another brick in the wall of why I am starting to believe ONLY in my inner circle. And thats it!
Prayers
Last night I put Cheyenne and Ryan in our bed to get them to sleep.
Ryan leans into me and says, "Mom, we forgot to say our prayers to Jesus."
I will never crush my children's belief, no matter what kind of no-man's-land I am in. I will always be honest about how I feel and how I believe with them. But they will always be free to believe. Even if it is in Santa Claus. Now when they ask me what the truth is............................
I say,"Okay let's say prayers."
He starts. "Dear Jesus, please help Bobby's leg (my brother) feel better. And please help us all go to Heaven so we can see Bob (my dad). Amen."
My child has faith.
I'm a little jealous.
He doesn't see me cry.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Post Secret
I love this blog............. http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
I always end up crying,........... and smiling.
You should check it out. New ones every Sunday.
I always end up crying,........... and smiling.
You should check it out. New ones every Sunday.
The Dream
Cooking today. The older I get the more I enjoy it. Not that I'm getting any better at it.
Sydney is in the bathtub. I hear a scream, then, "Mommmmmmmmmmmm !!!!!!!!!"
Sparky jumped in with her. I guess the dog needs a bath too.
I had a dream last night. A dream about going back. A dream about rewinding about 20 years. It has been with me all day. I can't shake it, nor do I want to. I've been in this mental fog all day. It has inspired me to write. I got so overwhelmed by this dream and the feelings that it created - that it evoked, that I felt the overwhelming need to see Royce. He is at school today. I was out paying the water bill, and I felt so strongly that I needed to see him. Even if it was for only 5 minutes. So after I left the water place I drove to 43rd avenue and Bethany Home. It was noon when I got there, the time I was sure he had lunch break. I saw the van. But he never came out. I waited 20 minutes, then decided I had better get back home. Tyler and my mom were watching the kids. I felt so empty. I can't wait till he gets home.
I know one time Nikki said she thought I was bipolar. High highs, and low lows. I know that I am not, but sometimes there is a purgatory. A place in between. I think I am a pretty creative person. Always have been. And sometimes I just get a burst of creativity. Thats how it was with this dream and my impulsion to write. I am going to start it today. Hopefully. Who knows where it will go.
I started putting myself in my own shoes. Years ago. Times ago. Different worlds ago. And whenever I started thinking about Royce, it shook me - what I have, what we have, how I feel about him. How things used to be. And I need to see him. To touch him.
My party is 8 days away. I am scared I am not ready for it. I am letting those fears get in the way of the spirituality of the whole thing.
My living room looks so different. It looks amazing.
I'm already disliking the heat, and find myself hiding indoors intil the sun goes down.
I sound like a Vampire.
Sydney is in the bathtub. I hear a scream, then, "Mommmmmmmmmmmm !!!!!!!!!"
Sparky jumped in with her. I guess the dog needs a bath too.
I had a dream last night. A dream about going back. A dream about rewinding about 20 years. It has been with me all day. I can't shake it, nor do I want to. I've been in this mental fog all day. It has inspired me to write. I got so overwhelmed by this dream and the feelings that it created - that it evoked, that I felt the overwhelming need to see Royce. He is at school today. I was out paying the water bill, and I felt so strongly that I needed to see him. Even if it was for only 5 minutes. So after I left the water place I drove to 43rd avenue and Bethany Home. It was noon when I got there, the time I was sure he had lunch break. I saw the van. But he never came out. I waited 20 minutes, then decided I had better get back home. Tyler and my mom were watching the kids. I felt so empty. I can't wait till he gets home.
I know one time Nikki said she thought I was bipolar. High highs, and low lows. I know that I am not, but sometimes there is a purgatory. A place in between. I think I am a pretty creative person. Always have been. And sometimes I just get a burst of creativity. Thats how it was with this dream and my impulsion to write. I am going to start it today. Hopefully. Who knows where it will go.
I started putting myself in my own shoes. Years ago. Times ago. Different worlds ago. And whenever I started thinking about Royce, it shook me - what I have, what we have, how I feel about him. How things used to be. And I need to see him. To touch him.
My party is 8 days away. I am scared I am not ready for it. I am letting those fears get in the way of the spirituality of the whole thing.
My living room looks so different. It looks amazing.
I'm already disliking the heat, and find myself hiding indoors intil the sun goes down.
I sound like a Vampire.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
They Say Its Your Birthday...............
Birthday Girl!!!
Happy Birthday Robin !!!!
Happy Birthday to one of my best friends !!!!!
We are going to go after work and celebrate at the Rail. So if I get home late Royce you will know why.
(You really do need to go out tonight Robin. I'm sorry I can't, I'll be here at work. But you need to go do something. )
Hope your day is wonderful.
Cheeseburger in Paradise
Okay, didn't do so well. Cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate chip cookie.
And it wasn't even that good. Okay...the cookie was.
And it wasn't even that good. Okay...the cookie was.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Din Din
Another night at work, and I have to decide how I am going to eat tonight. I don't know what they are having in the cafeteria yet. I'm going to try and choose something good for me. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I got home from work this morning, and after I woke up Royce got me a big ass burrito from Armandos. Probably not the best choice, but I was hungry. And I ate the whole thing. Had a donut when I got to work. Yeah, its one of those kind of days. so I'll try to make a better choice at lunch tonight. Haven't weighed myself for a couple of days.
Good night at work so far. Kinda busy up till now.
My little doggie Max is gone. I think he got out last night. I hope he is ok.
Good night at work so far. Kinda busy up till now.
My little doggie Max is gone. I think he got out last night. I hope he is ok.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Brand New Episode
OF "THE GIRL NEXT DOOR"
Oh the drama that I am blessed with in my life.................
The beauty of Karma. Such a beautiful thing.
So we pull up in the driveway last night, and see an animal rescue truck in front of Nira's house (Nira is Teresa's (aka:Nasty Neighbor) mother. Teresa lives next to us, and Nira her mother lives next to her). This was the beginning of all kinds of drama. And the very beautiful part about it is............I had absolutely nothing to do with it. Nothing. All I had to do is find a place to sit in my front yard and watch the fireworks. It is dark and hard to see, but we can see an animal rescue employee, female, trying to get a dog out of her house. I decide to sit and watch. Syd sat with me. Nira sees me, and starts cussing me out, and yelling about me to the nice lady. "You motherfuckin' god-damned little bitch, I can't believe these ignorant people sitting in their front yard to watch this situation." So you know after that I HAD to watch. I waved a couple of times. We know that one of her dogs got hit by a car about a week ago, we unfortunately witnessed it out in front of our house. It was a white pitbull. But we hadn't seen it since then. So at this point we see the animal lady carry a big white dog out of the house. But she keeps going back. Over and over. We see her carry out two more dogs and put them in the truck. She keeps going back, but unsuccessfully. We also see a cockroach fall from the doorway into her hair, and see her freak a little. Poor girl. Bet she can't wait for this night to be over. Then we see her get bit by something in the doorway. Then she is on the phone. Nira at this point is walking back and forth in her yard, yelling profanities when she looks our way. Teresa is not home. Nothing could make it more satisfying than to have her drive up at this point. I can feel the night is going to get better though. Can feel it. Pretty soon a police car shows up. I just assume at this point that Nira called the cops because we are standing in the front yard looking at the show. Another police car shows up. They get out and talk to her. And I wait and wait for them to come over and talk to me like they always do. But they never come. Pretty soon another animal rescue truck shows up. Now there are 4 vehicles in front of their houses. 4 so far. And more Humane Society people get out. They never come over to talk to me. I have assumed up till now that she called the cops on me. But now I am realizing that the rescue lady called because she got bit. We can see all sorts of people with their long sticks with nooses on the ends enter the house (brave souls, its nasty in there), but they can't seem to get the other dogs. Then Syd sees a police officer get bit by a dog, and hurry into his police car. Pretty soon two more police cars show up. We hear Nira yelling, not at us anymore, but at everyone else. It is one house away, but we can hear bits and pieces of her obscene rant. And still I await Teresa's arrival. And then she drives up, but stresses out and keeps driving down the street, without her lights on and almost has a collision at the intersection, then goes and hides out at the dollar store parking lot. Tyler and Matt can see this (its only 4 houses away). Then Animal Control itself shows up. Keep in mind that it is after hours, about 9 pm. They don't come out unless it is a real emergency. So now there are 3 rescue vehicles and 3 police cars out front of Nira's house, completely blocking Teresa's driveway, and partially in front of our house. A car drives by, slows down, Syd recognizes her friend Danielle and her mom. For a few weeks now they have been saying that Nira had a couple of their puppies that came up missing. They saw them at her house. So Danielle and her mom drive by, slow down, and Danielle's mom yells out the window "ITS ABOUT TIME!!!!" A minute later she pulls up in our driveway. I tell her what is going on. She says she wants her dogs, and proceeds to go up to the police officers and tell them Nira recently stole her dogs and that she wants to know where all of these dogs will be taken. The Humane Society worker tells her that all of the dogs they are taking will be put down, they are all in such bad shape that none of them are savable. She is mad, and tells the cops how upset she is and says they should check the house next door too cause they are related and there are dogs there too. She rants for awhile, comes back to talk to me a little, then goes home. A little while later a truck pulls up in front of our house. A short fat man gets out. He walks past our house on the way, stops and looks at me and Syd and says "evil, you people are evil." And I respond in kind with a hearty "FUCK YOU!". He apparently is a friend of Teresa, and is nosing around to see what is going on. The police send him away, and on the way back to his truck he starts chanting "In the name of God the Father", and I respond "In the name of Satan - FUCK YOU". He drives off and soon afterward Teresa finally shows. She has to wedge her beat up car in-between the cop cars. She gets out, Pedro (whose name I have learned is Alonzo) gets out, and some other guy that I have never seen before. Caucasion, tall, thin, black leather jacket, about 25 years old. And he stands there and stares me down. Unsuccessfully. At this point I make the kids go inside. Teresa avoids me and is highly stressed about the situation. All the cops and others are still trying to get dogs out. They get a couple and put them in the truck. Short fat Jesus freak starts praying loudly, picks up some dirt, blesses it, and walks over to my pentagram and casts the dirt on it. Shaking his head in disapproval of my decoration. Black leather dude paces by my pentagram and prays softly under his breath. I go over next to the fence, and sit by my pentagram. I say to him, "Keep prayin buddy", he whispers "I will". They end up taking 8 dogs out of her house. We see these poor little black puppies, ribs showing, being drug to the truck and forced in. They get ready to leave, Nira walks over to the truck and close to our house. They ask her if they can do anything else for her, and she responds "Do you have any extra rope for a noose to hang that little bitch with." I just smile. I think I waved to her too. She also yelled that she would like to shoot me. So all the authorities leave. Teresa and her two friends are still there. I'm standing on the porch with Syd. They are about 15 feet away from me. I calmly say to them "At least us witches don't abuse our animals". "You are an animal" shorty says to me. "If you only knew..." I say. Teresa walks him to his truck. And its time for me to go in for the kill. I walk out to the front of my yard and light a candle. She walks past me very close. I say, "And you think your god is stronger than mine...."MY GOD IS STRONGER THAN YOURS!!!" And I look at her and say "Do you see how well my spell worked tonight? POOF - all your doggies are gone." (I didn't do a spell, I just thought I would cash in on it). She starts ranting and raving, and Pedro starts yelling at her. Syd and I are calmly on our porch, laughing. They all get in the car and drive away, yelling the whole time.
Ahhhhhhhhh.......................Karma is such a beautiful thing.
Here are some pictures of the rescue trucks and police in front of our houses:
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Fat and Skinny
I've just spent the last hour reading a blog. Its Stacey's blog http://iammelting.blogspot.com/ .
I was just totally captivated by it, and totally lost track of time. Brought back to reality when the little kids woke up. I hope I can get to know her better. I love her photo journal. I can relate to so much.
I get in these mental foxholes, where I ignore reality. I often say I am reverse annorexic. I think I'm hot, then I actually see a picture of myself, or my reflection in the mirror. After reading her blog, I was kind of forced out of my foxhole. I always say I am ready to do it, but then lose motivation. Or get overwhelmed with life. Or whatever. Tracey's blog was very inspiring too http://www.tracyrif.blogspot.com/ . Tracy has worked very hard. And she just seems "perfect" to me right now. Maybe that is why I have avoided her blog for a little while. Like when you actually get yourself motivated enough to get to the gym, walk into the bathroom feeling all healthy, ready to work out, and little miss perfect in spandex who is a size 3 checks herself out in the full length mirror next to your fat self. Tracy has been nothing but kind and supportive. I won't avoid it anymore. Every morning I say I am going to exercise. Then it never happens. Royce bought me that kettlebell and I haven't used it once. What the hell?
I want to get a digital camera. I want to get one soon. I know we really don't have the money right now, but I might try to make it happen soon.
While thinking about cleaning up the kitchen this morning, I discovered that my wine cube (yes, wine in a box) that I threw away wasn't completely emptly. About a glass left. Jackpot. Enjoying it right now.
The other night I did my first spell. I cast my first circle. I did it after the kids had all gone to bed and Royce was out at the internet cafe doing homework. It was a wonderful little spell. It went really well. And it felt really good. It was a spell to bind you close to your children. Its so funny, because this is the exact spell that Heather wants to do the night of the party, without knowing it was the spell I picked as my first spell. Energy. The party is coming up soon. I can't wait.
Yesterday I cleaned, scraped paint off of, and washed the front windows. I have been procrastinating doing this for awhile, but it was on my to-do list and I finally did it. And I must say, they look great. Finally looks like someone lives here. Today I am going to do the finishing touches of the paint on the walls in the living room (the corners and top borders). I have two colors out there. Two walls are "Cookie Crumb", a warm beige. The other two walls are a burnt burgundy kind of color. Very earth-toney. I love it. It feels so good to finally get my house done. It was such a left-behind, broken, lifeless, dirty, neglected thing. Not livable. Now it is finally getting fixed. Livable. Thriving. Colorful. Vibrant. Full. With the new couches and paint, and table and chairs, it really is starting to look good. I hung the big gold fancy mirror back up. And got some lights for the chandelier. And fixed the recessed lights in the living room. We finally are spending some time out there. I am in the process of painting the floor black. Until we can afford some carpet. I will work on that today some.
I haven't weighed myself in weeks. Avoiding the scale. Everyone at work keeps telling me I am shrinking, that I am losing weight. I didn't really think so, but its nice that they think so. So this morning I weighed in. I am 178.4 pounds. I guess thats good. I was 190. This week is my good week, the week after my period. Where I am energetic, happy, sensual, sexual, creative. Gonna go exercise.
Is it possible to do a gastric bypass without the surgery? I mean do everything that they do, except the surgery. I have often wondered this. Technically, all you are doing is changing the size of the stomach. If I do exactly what they do, the same caloric intake, the same foods, the same after surgery stuff, won't I have the same results? And then with exercise on top of it, wouldn't I lose the same amount of weight?
I was just totally captivated by it, and totally lost track of time. Brought back to reality when the little kids woke up. I hope I can get to know her better. I love her photo journal. I can relate to so much.
I get in these mental foxholes, where I ignore reality. I often say I am reverse annorexic. I think I'm hot, then I actually see a picture of myself, or my reflection in the mirror. After reading her blog, I was kind of forced out of my foxhole. I always say I am ready to do it, but then lose motivation. Or get overwhelmed with life. Or whatever. Tracey's blog was very inspiring too http://www.tracyrif.blogspot.com/ . Tracy has worked very hard. And she just seems "perfect" to me right now. Maybe that is why I have avoided her blog for a little while. Like when you actually get yourself motivated enough to get to the gym, walk into the bathroom feeling all healthy, ready to work out, and little miss perfect in spandex who is a size 3 checks herself out in the full length mirror next to your fat self. Tracy has been nothing but kind and supportive. I won't avoid it anymore. Every morning I say I am going to exercise. Then it never happens. Royce bought me that kettlebell and I haven't used it once. What the hell?
I want to get a digital camera. I want to get one soon. I know we really don't have the money right now, but I might try to make it happen soon.
While thinking about cleaning up the kitchen this morning, I discovered that my wine cube (yes, wine in a box) that I threw away wasn't completely emptly. About a glass left. Jackpot. Enjoying it right now.
The other night I did my first spell. I cast my first circle. I did it after the kids had all gone to bed and Royce was out at the internet cafe doing homework. It was a wonderful little spell. It went really well. And it felt really good. It was a spell to bind you close to your children. Its so funny, because this is the exact spell that Heather wants to do the night of the party, without knowing it was the spell I picked as my first spell. Energy. The party is coming up soon. I can't wait.
Yesterday I cleaned, scraped paint off of, and washed the front windows. I have been procrastinating doing this for awhile, but it was on my to-do list and I finally did it. And I must say, they look great. Finally looks like someone lives here. Today I am going to do the finishing touches of the paint on the walls in the living room (the corners and top borders). I have two colors out there. Two walls are "Cookie Crumb", a warm beige. The other two walls are a burnt burgundy kind of color. Very earth-toney. I love it. It feels so good to finally get my house done. It was such a left-behind, broken, lifeless, dirty, neglected thing. Not livable. Now it is finally getting fixed. Livable. Thriving. Colorful. Vibrant. Full. With the new couches and paint, and table and chairs, it really is starting to look good. I hung the big gold fancy mirror back up. And got some lights for the chandelier. And fixed the recessed lights in the living room. We finally are spending some time out there. I am in the process of painting the floor black. Until we can afford some carpet. I will work on that today some.
I haven't weighed myself in weeks. Avoiding the scale. Everyone at work keeps telling me I am shrinking, that I am losing weight. I didn't really think so, but its nice that they think so. So this morning I weighed in. I am 178.4 pounds. I guess thats good. I was 190. This week is my good week, the week after my period. Where I am energetic, happy, sensual, sexual, creative. Gonna go exercise.
Is it possible to do a gastric bypass without the surgery? I mean do everything that they do, except the surgery. I have often wondered this. Technically, all you are doing is changing the size of the stomach. If I do exactly what they do, the same caloric intake, the same foods, the same after surgery stuff, won't I have the same results? And then with exercise on top of it, wouldn't I lose the same amount of weight?
Monday, March 05, 2007
In God We Trust
I just recieved this email from a friend:
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
U.S. Government to Release New Dollar Coins You guessed it 'IN GOD WE TRUST' IS GONE!!!
Who originally put 'In God We Trust' onto our currency?
My bet is that it was one of the Presidents on these coins.
All our U.S. Government has done is Dishonor them, and disgust me!!!
If ever there was a reason to boycott something, THIS IS IT!!!!
DO NOT ACCEPT THE NEW DOLLAR COINS AS CHANGE
Together we can force them out of circulation.
Please send to all on you mail list !!!
________________________
This was my response that I emailed back to her:
"I don't believe in god anymore, at least not "that" god. And I don't think "god" has any reason to be on my money. So this is actually kind of refreshing to me.
I realize that our founding fathers for the most part were christian and therefore incorporated their beliefs into their new world, including the monetary system. They thought this was right. They also thought it was right to have slaves, to burn witches at the stake, and to steal from, rape and murder the people who originally founded this country. Those also were part of their "christian" beliefs. Just because our founding fathers believed something back then does not mean it has any part in our lives today.
Hundreds of thousands of Americans have died for my right to have no religion at all, my right to NOT believe in god. Lives were paid just so I can not have a religion. Or a god. I am not one of these stupid people who is going to fight something that has been around since the beginning, even though I am in the minority, just to prove a stupid point. There are way more important things to concentrate on. I was not offended that "god" was on my money. But I am not upset that it is now being removed. Like I said, its kind of refreshing to me.
You said you were disgusted that the government was removing it. What disgusts me is that the same government that is sending 18 year old boys to their death for oil left any mention of "god" on it for so long. And all christians should be way more upset about their "christian" government behaving like this than they are about god on or off of their money. How many emails are forwarded about how evil Bush is, how evil this war is? "
_________________________
Here is a link about the new coins: http://money.cnn.com/2007/02/12/news/presidential_dollar/
___________________________________
I keep getting all these god emails. I know people are really trying to be nice, but it really is just as annoying as the Jehovah's Witnesses who bang on my door and won't go away in an attempt to bring me the gospel. Please people, stop sending these to me. I love you all, I know you are just trying to be a good "christian", but please stop trying to save me. Maybe you all should examine your own lives before you try to save anyone else.
Sometimes it really amazes me how much in the minority I am. But thats ok.
I think today will be a day to study - my tarot, henna, meditation, yoga, exercise, spells, herbs. A spiritual day. Sydney is home today, sick with the stomach thing that I had a few days ago. Maybe I will have Syd do some things with me. Of all my kids Syd is the spiritual one, the one with intuition, the one with a different kind of soul. Ryan has the soul of love. Syd is loving, but her soul is spiritual. Her personality is closest to mine, especially as a child. I would love to teach her things, and learn things with her, and have her follow in my foot steps. Like me, she has a bad side that is as equally powerful as her good side. On her good side she is a giver and a healer and a nurturer. And a finder. She can find anything that is lost. Her little mind just works differently than the rest of the kids. She has always, and probably will always, stuggled with academics. I want her to do well in school, and have always tried to help her. But I also realize that there is more to life, more important things, other ways to live and to help people, than through academics and "smarts". She is an animal lover, a nature lover. She reminds me so much of myself when I was little.
Kirk recently got her some quail eggs and an incubator to hatch them in for her science project. They are at his house (I know, I can't believe he actually did this for her, but I'm so excited about it, it was really nice of him). Right now she is sitting behind me watching Animal Planet.
Trust me, we have way more spirituality and love in our home than most die hard christians. Please quit trying to save us. Just let us be.
I have been fighting being depressed lately. Lots of thoughts of my dad. Life. Money. Sadness. Just sad thoughts. I haven't been able to get away from them. Maybe today is just what I need. A day with Syd.
We are led to believe that we give our children life, and that we sustain them.
I think maybe they save us.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Strange Human Facts
Very Interesting...............
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.
The average human will eat an average of 8 spiders while sleeping.
The average women consumes 6lbs of lipstick in her lifetime.
On average, a 4-year-old child asks 437 questions a day.
Only 7% of the population are lefties.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
A human brain weighs about 3lbs.
1/4 of the bones in your body are in your feet.
You blink over 10,000,000 times a year.
When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop ... even your heart.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza a day.
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
Koala and humans are the only animals with unique fingerprints.
The scent of apples and/or bananas can help you lose weight.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
Children grow faster in the spring.
On average a human will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his or her lifetime
A one-minute kiss burns 26 calories.
Thanks Loida, for the email.
Busy and Sick
Been really sick. Had stomach flu, or something like it. Just doing housework today and went to the park. Something I'm liking more and more. I'm here, just sick, and busy. Maybe I'll be on later tonight.
Sunday is my "get everything ready for the kids for the next week" day. Week after next is Spring Break. Hallelujah.
Sunday is my "get everything ready for the kids for the next week" day. Week after next is Spring Break. Hallelujah.
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